Owned, or at the very least, watched – everyone at some point in time over the past 20 or so years has succumbed to the temptation of the DVD. Whether it be to watch a movie, a concert or just something that has been compiled on one of those fandangled Devil Window’s (Computers) before being recorded to a DVD. Everyone has watched one.
It may alarm you (which is not my intention, dear reader) then to know that in doing so – watching a DVD that is – you have given Satan exactly what he wants. For it was the Dark Lord that created these so called Digital Video Disc’s (though i have discovered thier TRUE meaning – Devil’s Visual Devices) in an attempt to brainwash you, and he has been met with success.
Right now, as you read these words, millions of people around God’s great earth are watching a ‘DVD’. Statisically one quarter of the planet owns a ‘DVD Player’ and countless millions of the Devil Devices are produced and viewed every day. His grip on the world grows stronger and stronger, frame by frame.
I myself have been aflicted numerous times with the impulse to use this instrument of the Devil. But, my faith in the lord has provided me time and time again with the means to deflect these satanic urges. Now is the time to renew your faith in God and REPENT!
How to repent, one might ask. Well, repentance can be found in many ways as all good christians know. Helping the sick and less fortunate is a great way to repent. Personally though, i find the only way to seek contrition is to BOYCOTT all DVD’s. Any form of these little, aluminium discs of the Hellspawn must be boycott at all costs. Picketing your local DVD store is a great start, but never underestimate your own imagination when it comes to doing the Lords work. I would never condone violence, but even the Lord would be ok with you taking a bottle of holy water to any DVD you find.
You must also never underestimate the power of prayer as a weapon against these demonic saucers. I have been witness to many a DVD exorcism and can tell you, my friends, it works. Speak to your local church group or minister to find out more information if you require it (and if you have or do own a DVD, you will need it).
A few people have questioned my ability to provide proof. Well, one only needs to turn a DVD over to it’s ‘readable’ side for proof. See the multitude of colours that span the length of the DVD? Notice how they disappear then reappear in certain angles of light? This happens because the DVD can only hold so many demons, and when they are afflicted by light, they try to hide within the confines of the disc. Being there is only a certain amount of space though, some find it harder than others to conceal themselves.
Repentance is the only salvation in this continuing struggle against the forces of the Dark Lord and his endless army of DVD’s. With your help though, we can emerge victorious once again. With your help, we can be as the lord intended.
God Bless You. Pastor River.