Devil’s Visual Devices (or DVD’s)
Owned, or at the very least, watched – everyone at some point in time over the past 20 or so years has succumbed to the temptation of the DVD. Whether it be to watch a movie, a concert or just something that has been compiled on one of those fandangled Devil Window’s (Computers) before being recorded to a DVD. Everyone has watched one.
It may alarm you (which is not my intention, dear reader) then to know that in doing so – watching a DVD that is – you have given Satan exactly what he wants. For it was the Dark Lord that created these so called Digital Video Disc’s (though i have discovered thier TRUE meaning – Devil’s Visual Devices) in an attempt to brainwash you, and he has been met with success.
Right now, as you read these words, millions of people around God’s great earth are watching a ‘DVD’. Statisically one quarter of the planet owns a ‘DVD Player’ and countless millions of the Devil Devices are produced and viewed every day. His grip on the world grows stronger and stronger, frame by frame.
I myself have been aflicted numerous times with the impulse to use this instrument of the Devil. But, my faith in the lord has provided me time and time again with the means to deflect these satanic urges. Now is the time to renew your faith in God and REPENT!
How to repent, one might ask. Well, repentance can be found in many ways as all good christians know. Helping the sick and less fortunate is a great way to repent. Personally though, i find the only way to seek contrition is to BOYCOTT all DVD’s. Any form of these little, aluminium discs of the Hellspawn must be boycott at all costs. Picketing your local DVD store is a great start, but never underestimate your own imagination when it comes to doing the Lords work. I would never condone violence, but even the Lord would be ok with you taking a bottle of holy water to any DVD you find.
You must also never underestimate the power of prayer as a weapon against these demonic saucers. I have been witness to many a DVD exorcism and can tell you, my friends, it works. Speak to your local church group or minister to find out more information if you require it (and if you have or do own a DVD, you will need it).
A few people have questioned my ability to provide proof. Well, one only needs to turn a DVD over to it’s ‘readable’ side for proof. See the multitude of colours that span the length of the DVD? Notice how they disappear then reappear in certain angles of light? This happens because the DVD can only hold so many demons, and when they are afflicted by light, they try to hide within the confines of the disc. Being there is only a certain amount of space though, some find it harder than others to conceal themselves.
Repentance is the only salvation in this continuing struggle against the forces of the Dark Lord and his endless army of DVD’s. With your help though, we can emerge victorious once again. With your help, we can be as the lord intended.
God Bless You. Pastor River.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Pastor River
Just a humble man, trying to spread the good word of the lord.
1:59 am
This is a joke… right?
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2:07 am
Why would you think that?
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2:55 am
‘Cause it’s a load of ridiculous bull shit
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11:03 pm
If you think ChristWire is full of “ridiculous BS”, you’re welcome to leave ChristWire. FOR GOOD.
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3:01 am
How is it ridiculous?
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7:00 pm
It is foolhardy, much of it is lies and the fact is DVDs are not satanic, there are all kinds of DVDs no piece of technology is inherently satanic.
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12:52 pm
If sporks can be a gateway utensil to perversity and degradation, why the doubts about DVD?
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9:56 pm
We doubt both.
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11:46 pm
Kelvin: I dont understand the question. Please try again.
Praise Jesus. Pastor River.
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9:17 am
I have a seggestion for you. Try actually writing an article that will actually convince me. You obviously don’t understand how to convert people if you haven’t converted a pagan.
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4:31 am
The DVD version of “The Passion of the Christ” also shines in the light, does that mean it ha demons in it too?
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4:39 am
Of course. That piece of blasphemous filth was made by that psycho Catholic Mel Gibson. Catholics aren’t real Christians, and Mel Gibson isn’t even a real Catholic!
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4:44 am
Glad to see my unserious comment was responsed to with an equally unserious comment. Yay…
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4:56 am
Oh, I’m entirely serious. Popery is no laughing matter, and Gibson-style lunatic anti-Popery is even worse!
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6:21 am
Oh good, we agree Gibson is a lunatic
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11:50 pm
Ouroboros: What an odd question to ask. I assume you didn’t read my article, otherwise you would know that ALL dvd’s are the work of the hellspawn. Just because the content is ‘supposedly’ religious, that does not make it holy. Also, the re-telling of such a pinnacle moment in our faith is not only blasphemous, it’s downright immoral.
Lord have mercy. Pastor River.
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5:53 am
Here I can’t help you out for your next thing of crap:
VHS – Visions of Hate & Sin
VCD – Very Crazy Demon
BD – Bite Duck
CBHD – Children Being Hit Deep
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11:57 pm
KBLME: While i appreciate your help with this matter, i cant help but sense a small amount of skepticism in your words. Something in the back of my mind also tells me you may have a minor mental health issue as this post seems to represent someone with the creative vision of a person younger than make out. Either way though, i appreciate your attempt and ask you to please continue trying, if not for me than for all of the Lords ‘special’ people out there.
Amen. Pastor River.
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8:42 am
If I’m ‘special’ why are you going against your ‘lord’ and not trying to get me stoned to death? I mean it does say in your bible that ‘special’ people must be stoned to death after all.
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7:14 am
Please don’t attempt to release the evil spirits from these devil discs by placing them in a microwave.
What will happen is the demonic activity reacts with the disc material (probably something to do with the reverend was speaking of) and get seriously hot. It will then blow the door off the microwave and spew satanic molten fire plastics all over the room.
After extinguishing the flames on the tablecloth and drapes, I went to the emergency ward with burns on my face, shoulder, and torso.
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6:10 pm
actually the DVD will melt if you place it in microwave
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6:31 pm
Totally did that once… Cleaning the microwave was such a pain afterwards…
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1:00 am
I had to throw it out after making sure that I had taped the door shut so no critters could get in and suffocate.
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3:09 am
I want to try that now!
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9:14 am
IKR?! That sounds like fun!!! I had a friend that blew up a microwave with fireworks and gasoline. It was awesome!! (of course, they were outside where they could be at a safe distance.
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11:18 am
Muslims can sharpen the edges of the DVD to create an in-flight terror tool. DVDs should be banned from airplanes.
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6:12 pm
august too should be banned from airplane, he is a psychotic
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6:23 pm
Also add CD-Roms and Blu-Ray disks!
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1:06 am
Terrorists and atheists have also been known to stack up about 20 or so of those demon discs and slip a rope through the holes to create a very dangerous swing-and-strike weapon.
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9:12 am
No one had been known to do that…
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9:15 am
They’re paranoid, what do you expect?
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12:55 pm
Pastor River, this is brilliant research. You may be interested to know that a nationally acclaimed documentary was released on the same subject. It was titled, “The Ring.”
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4:45 pm
otherwise known as, one of the most famous horror movies to date.
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6:12 pm
it’s was not a VHS in this movie ?
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12:05 am
Kelvin: Thank you for your kind words. I pride myself on my researching abilities. I have heard of such a documentary being released onto this earth. I’m sorry to say though, that your information is wrong. It is in fact a movie and if my research serves me correctly, then this movie has no real bearing on my article. Maybe next time you could investigate a little more before making such rash comments for other impressionables to see. Or just ask me, i’d be happy to analyze information for you.
God Bless. Paster River.
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8:50 pm
Yeah, DVD’s are evil, now let’s go destroy the rest of modern day technology because it OBVIOUSLY is possessed by satan.
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4:34 am
Well, dang guys. According to this website, we might as well just go ahead and lock ourselves underground and wait for the Rapture to arrive with no entertainment at all except for a single copy of the bible. I mean, how else are we supposed to protect ourselves from the ungodly horrors of these “devils visual devices” and other demonic modern advances in technology?
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9:12 am
Umm it’s called . . . . MASUTRBATION!!!! lol.
Not really. These people don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. This website ALSO said that women should basically be working machines. No entertainment, no cute clothes, just work. The men, however, get to do whatever the hell that they want. Sounds like a cheap ass deal to me.
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9:09 am
DVD Stands for
Digital
Video
Disc.
But nice pun with the title. It actually made me laugh.
You’re getting slightly better with the jokes. We’ll make a comedian out of you yet!! lol
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9:19 am
Pssst! It actually stands for Digital Versatile Disc. =)
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9:21 am
Well that’s what it used to stand for. They did change it.
This is the exact definition.
1990–95; orig. d ( igital ) v ( ideo ) d ( isk ); then d ( igital ) v ( ersatile ) d ( isk ); now an abbreviation only
Thanx for the correction though.
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9:27 am
Huh. Where are you getting that from?
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9:29 am
Dictionary.com Why?
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9:31 am
I was wondering as well since I agreed with your definition exbrony, so I looked it up and she got it here:
http://m.dictionary.com/d/?q=dvd&o=0&l=dir
Random learning!
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9:32 am
Oh, just that the DVD Forum went with “versatile” when they were developing DVDs in the ’90s.
http://www.dvdforum.org/about-charter.htm
Doesn’t really matter, I suppose. *shrug*
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9:36 am
Like I said, It’s either way.
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9:37 am
Who writes these damn dictionaries these days? Stupid Merriam-Webster says “video” too.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dvd
That’s some sloppy dictionary writing right there, if you ask me. *grumble*
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9:40 am
I’ve always known it with the V being “versatile”… I’m just going to stick with it since either way works.
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9:42 am
Why are we being so polite? Shouldn’t we be having a screaming argument about how emo bands or something? This is weird…
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9:44 am
Well, since it’s either way, it doesn’t really matter. As I said, it states both. It USED to be Digital Video Disc. They changed it to Digital Versatile Disc, even though we only use the Abbriviation.
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9:45 am
who says we can’t be civil everyone in awhile?
I agree that the civility is weird for Christwire though…
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9:47 am
Being polite is a good thing. I want us to NOT argue, get it? It makes me less insane. lol (that’s only an expression) Insults can hurt a person waay more than you ever expect.
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9:48 am
That’s just because you emos are way too sensitive =)
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10:15 am
No actually. If a parent were to tell a child that they will never amount to anything, they won’t because their parent never believed in them.
Here’s something interesting. If you had a friend that you got into an argument with, you say “I hate you!”
When that person leaves and gets in a car accident and dies, you are the one who is hurt.
See? Words hurt, not just the person that they’re directed towards, but the person that said it too.
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12:45 pm
Did you get my smoke signals I sent you?
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12:47 pm
Smoke signals? Hey, stop being racist asshole.
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1:08 pm
Hey August, Tell me, why are you still stuck on insulting me about my heritage? This is 2012 for fucks sake!! If you wanted to contact me, do it by e-mail, cell phone, whatever!!
I don’t understand why you insist on this.
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1:17 pm
I am respecting your Heritage. I am trying to preserve your past.
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1:28 pm
We’re doing a great job of that by ourselves August. We don’t need your help with that. Thankyou anyway.
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9:46 am
I think it started off as “versatile” but common usage made “video” dominant. But it doesn’t matter. I tried to be a smartarse and correct you but I failed =(
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9:47 am
And now I can’t even stay in the right comment thread. Double fail.
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9:49 am
Don’t be sad about it. People make mistakes often. It’s weather or not you learn from it that changes you.
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9:53 am
Stop being so goddamn NICE!!!
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9:56 am
And why are you posing in front of a giant moth or whatever that thing is?
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10:01 am
It’s one of the album covers for one of my favorite bands. They’re actually pretty cool for only useing cellos. It’s a cello with a skull and angel wings.
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10:03 am
Oh and BTW, You started being nice to me first. Just returning a favor. I have said time and time again. You get what you give. In effect, you’re nice to me, I’m nice to you.
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10:07 am
Enough of this nice nonsense!
I’m pretty sure that that’s a picture of your satanic wiccan moth goddess that you sacrifice children to at your evil witch orgies.
Do you deny it? If so, it should be pretty easy for you to link to this so-called “cello” band.
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10:11 am
Here we go again . . . I don’t have a satanic religion. My goddes is not a moth goddess. She’s the Goddess of the Moon. Thankyou. I dont’ have orgies, I dont sacrifice, and I’m not evil.
Here’s the link to the band site sweetie.
http://www.apocalyptica.com/us/home
Please, by all means, give it a listen. The cello is an amazing instrument.
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10:29 am
Wow. That was cool. Do they actually have a guitar in that or do they just run cellos through amps and stuff?
It’s still pretty obviously evil and satanic, though. Clearly the woman is a witch, and they’re all from Scandinavia, which is notoriously full of church-burning pagans and satanists. Some of them still even worship Thor.
Perhaps you could ask Susan or Stephenson to write an investigative piece on them.
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11:12 am
There we go! This whole civility bullshit is boooooooooooooooooooooooring.
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12:42 pm
There are no women in the band. They’re all men. The woman in the background is just an album cover. They are not evil.
And to answer your question about the guitar, no they don’t use guitars. It’s all cellos and drums and vocals. It’s beautiful.
They’re actually from finland. I love their accent. lol.
I hope this helps sweetie.
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12:40 pm
I only watch films available on Beta Max!
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12:59 pm
Bible reading and ministering to the impressionable are far more profitable ways to spend time than watching “movie films”.
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12:44 pm
I actually don’t really watch tv. I’m writing, drawing, helping my mom, or hanging out with my friends.
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1:02 pm
The most famous and widely worshipped moon god is Allah. Doubtless you are a closet Muslim with that hair and skin… PakiSatani?
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1:05 pm
This comment was met to be up in Julian’s thing. Sorry.
And to answer your comment, no I’m not muslim. Allah is not my god. I have a moon goddess who’s name is Diana. My skin is from being Native American. My hair is also.
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1:16 pm
As a native american how do you avoid being killed by your tribe? I would imagine co-opting into such a laughable white kid subculture as “Emoism” probably makes some of your fellow tribals resentful and ridicule you or even makes them react violently.. And worshiping long defunct Eropean goddesses as well .. rejecting both God and your cultures animistic traditions…You are a brave girl.
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1:25 pm
Emo is not a subculture. My tribe doesn’t resent me. They enjoy the fact that I choose to be different.
Diana is not a defunct european goddess. She is the earth itself. I have not rejected my tradition. We still do purifying things like sweats and burning sage and sweetgrass.
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1:03 pm
I painfully must agree with you as yes, watching movies is a waste of time. Especially since the ones now days tend to be horrible.
Now what would be more profitable than watching movies is really depending on who you are.
If you like to write, you’d be better off writing than watching movies.
If you like reading, well read instead of watching movies. That’s what I do.
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1:18 pm
Jurrasic Park was a good one.
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1:27 pm
. . . . . umm . . . . yeah, that was a good one. It’s one of the few that I enjoy. Plus I can look at it in an analytical way and see why everything went wrong. It makes sense. Good one August. (BTW, you’re being nice to me. Did you know that?)
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1:38 pm
I am nicer to you than you realize. Sure the Indian stuff is a little much, but my wife is at least 25% Nez Perce. I say these things because I want to treat you the same as everyone and to let you know I pay attention to you. I don’t agree with much you say, but you knew that coming here. But I do respect you.
However that emo crap is just crazy, no respect there.
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1:45 pm
Well, what can you do? I like being different. You should at least respect that much. I do what I do for a reason and it’s not because I’m disrespectful to adults, jsut that I want to be known as something else than just “that girl.” I do what I do to make me different. I respect you August as I was raised to respect adults. We may not agree with each other, but since we are both human, we should respect and love each other. This is the thing that I have been trying to say. You understand, don’t you?
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1:53 pm
Agreed. But we will still pray for you and that you join us.
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1:56 pm
Unfortunately my friend, this may never happen. I appretiate the fact that you care for me enough to do so. Thank you anyway.
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3:28 pm
Even though I agree that movies nowadays are losing their charm, there are still a few gems out there that are worth watching. I’m a movie buff, I love classics and quite a few newer movies as well.
I do love to read though (both actual books and comics) I agree reading is a better use of time then movies.
Haven’t been able to write. Don’t know why, just never get very far before I give up what I’m writing.
@August: Jurassic Park is a classic. Good choice!
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3:32 pm
Well, it depends on weather or not you’re in the right mind set. Instead of keeping the stories you start to yourself, try submitting them to friends online to get their opinion. When they’re finished, submit them to story sites.
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3:37 pm
That’s some good advice. Thank you.
I do know some people who enjoy writing, perhaps I shall get their opinion as well.
Now to think of a good idea…
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3:39 pm
This looks like a good movie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eP0QJ_Ba1Bs
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3:44 pm
Hmm, that actually does look pretty good. I might go see that when it comes out, seems like it would make a good movie for a date night.
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3:44 pm
Lots of white people in it.
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3:47 pm
…well this took an awkward turn…
Was that comment really neccessary?
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3:52 pm
Yes, it is true. It means that there wont be any “talk to the hand” or lots of gang violence.
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4:00 pm
There are plenty of movies with other races that don’t involve ““talk to the hand” or lots of gang violence.” what moves have you been watching?
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