• God Strikes Missouri with 4.0 Earthquake, Missouri Tigers Moving to the SEC To Blame

    February 22, 2012 2:57 pm 6 comments
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  • The KU Jayhawks tend to dominate Missouri in every sport

    The Big 12 conference of the NCAA is a longstanding Midwest tradition, the rivalry of many schools going back to times of 1800s.  Perhaps there is no tighter rivalry in college than that of the University of Missouri versus the University of Kansas.

     Missouri recently decided to betray their rivalry and sports conference by moving to the SEC, the lowly division of collegiate academia.  If you want to know the general clientele of SEC school states, just imagine Farmer Fran and Bobby Boucher discussing the finer points of creating high quality H20 and you’ve pretty much summed it up.  Maybe throw in Colonel Sanders and an ornery gator’s medulla oblongata to summarize the extent academic prowess in the American Southeast.

    It would seem to many that hey, that sounds like a great place for Missouri students, and maybe the many are right.  But Missouri leaving the Big 12 is being considered a betrayal on the scale of 1950s America discovering that dear Senator McCarthy was secretly a communist all along.  Fooled ya!

    The problem with Missouri leaving the conference is that it betrays storied tradition.  Missouri and Kansas have hated each other for centuries.  This all goes back to a little story called Bleeding Kansas.

    You see, good readers, before the Civil War there was a pre-Civil War in Kansas.  The locals in the state call it Bleeding Kansas because residents of the state were slaughteing each other, left and right.

    The problem in 1860 was pretty simple.  Kansas was up for statehood.  The people in Kansas were generally tolerant and it looked as if the state was poised to be admitted to The Union as a free state.  Enter Missouri.

    Hateful and slave loving, the Missourians did not want a liberal Kansas for neighbors.  So Missourians did what they do best: cheat. 

    Like prowling tigers, the citizens of Missouri stated to sneak into the territory of Kansas.  They were flooding into a city named Lecompton, about 20 miles away from Kansas’ proposed capital city of Lawrence.

    As the war progressed, people who fought for Kansas to be a free state called themselves Jayhawkers, a name Missouri still hates to this very day.

    As voting date drew nearer, rivalry and emotions started to arise in Kansas.  Territory natives became savvy of Missouri’s ‘flood the state with pro-slave voters’ plan and took action,  The man seen in the painting above, John Brown, along with his sons and others decided to burn Lecompton to the ground.  And they were fairly successful.

    Angry and upset, the Missourians and whatever other good ol’ boy they could find stormed Lawrence.  A war had started.  There was much bloodshed, ransacking and chaos.  To weaken the Missourian’s attacks, officials in Kansas decided to move the capital from Lawrence to Topeka.  On voting day, Kansas was admitted to the US as a free state.  Missouri lost their first battle to Kansas.

     And this bloody civil war rivalry still continues.  The battles have been fought on the football fields, on the basketball courts and now on the internet.  As my Midwest source puts it, Missouri is like the late 90s Pistons or the Raiders.  Nasty and rough, but fun to play because beating them makes them miserable.

    In the nearly 200 years that Missouri has rivaled Kansas and pretty much every other school in the Big 12 conference, a certain kinship was born.  And now, Missouri officials themselves are throwing it all away for a few extra bucks.

    There are hard feelings in the Big 12 and with something as monumental as the Civil War being a part of the rivalry, you have to figure God would throw his opinion in there.

    And while Missouri fans will say the earthquake today was not God thumping them for being anti-American by standing against Abraham Lincoln and the US army, just consider this.  Today’s earthquake comes exactly 200 years, to the hour, after the last earthquake of the same magnitude, at the same point of origin.  God is making his wrath known, Missouri. 

    When you betray your peers for greed, you pay the price.  Just be warned that this is truly the tip of the iceberg and don’t expect to have an easier time just because you’re playing teams in the lowly SEC.  You’re still not going to win any national championships, Missouri, because you’re a backwards people who love to cheat.

    And also, the SEC is just a stone’s throw away from the greatest conference and schools in the nation.  The ACC.  Be afraid, Missouri, we’re watching you.

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    Joe P. Reagan

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