• If Statue of Liberty Had Angelina Jolie’s Right Leg, Would The News Pay Attention to National Politics?

    February 28, 2012 11:18 pm 20 comments
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  • The statue of liberty has to flash some leg for America to get any media attention these days.

    As the fate of our country is being debated in the GOP primaries right now, I must say I’m very concerned about all the media attention being given to JLO’s Mexican milkslide slip and even more bizarre, the right leg of Angelina Jolie.

    Show of hands.  How many of you have ever seen the right leg of a women?  I’m a holy man and even I have seen many!  So if miss Billy Bob bloodchain is out flouncing around, looking like a pale sun-starved Twilight bulimia mistress with Vitamin D deficiency, it is suddenly the talk of the day?  Guys cannot stop wanting to look at her right leg on the red carpet?

    I’m almost willing to say there is a devil spell going on here.  With all the tomb raiding movies and acting like a demon mother in Beowulf, maybe Jolie get too much into one of her parts and got possessed.  I don’t know.  But I just don’t see why media is so fascinated by her, and why in my latest Abe’s Rasmussen poll that 87% of people said they knew what “Angelia Right Leg” refers to, but only 4% stated they knew Rick Santorum’s domestic and foreign policy platform.

    What will it take to make media stop talking about Jolie’s right leg and start informing our young, knuckleheaded voters why they should be voting for Rick Santorum.

    Angelina Jolie doing a double-legged poopy squat pose

    In that image above, I think we can figure out what’s going on here.  You see Angelina Jolie is doing a classic double poopy squat pose.  That is a pose that gets all types of perverted people’s juices flowing.  She first teased by squenching her right leg, to get the minds wondering what was going on with the left.  And then boom.  Double poopy squat.

    That is a pose you see many actresses do.  It sends gays arching and mewing like cats in heat.  It sends the media into a frenzy, because they know all the perverts with iPhones will be searching for it for secret undercover finger sessions.  Brad Pitt looks ashamed because Angelina Jolie’s actions reflect poorly on him.  He’s wanting to duck behind a rock, but there is nowhere to hide and if he divorces Angelina, she has adopted nearly a dozen foreign children so she will make him poorer than an Obamacare recipient.

    All in all, Hollywood is causing all the raucous and we are in danger of having a Mormon bishop run against Obama.  I don’t know about you, but I trust Romney just as much as I trust Ahmadinejad teaching kindergarten at my niece’s elementary school.  At least with Obama, we know he’s just a fundamental commie jihadist and we know how to handle them.  It’s the Mormons that have been brewing a secret agenda with all their fairy tales of magic 747s with spirit bombs and Tom Cruise using magic hats to see America’s future.  I’m sure he’d be named Secretary of Defense overnight.

    And with the image of Tom Cruise defending America from nuclear attack by laughing maniacally into a black hat I leave this whole topic alone.  Angelina Jolie’s right leg is apparently more important than the presidency of this great country.  I’m sure George Washington and Lincoln spit with disgust from heaven right now.  Reagan, he is just done.  He is just done.

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    Abe If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack. Follow me on twitters. Poke me as your New Friend on Facebook!!

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