Is My Child Engaging In Oral Sodomy?
In a world full of angry liberals, flashy homosexuals and jolly fat men obsessed with technicolor ponies, it’s no surprise that many of our more misguided youth are engaging in unGodly intimate procedures. However, it hasn’t been this bleak in American schools since the 80s. The sinning is getting even stranger and much more macabre. But there are two new methods that stand out the most. Both are forms of oral sodomy, one named Tostada Faceplant and the other named Slurping the French Fry.
Tostada Faceplant: A Shocking Method of Exploring the Intricate Female Baby Funnels
The most popular fornication method used by young, confused lesbians and rebellious young men with a passion for fish, the Tostada Faceplant is unsettling at best, nauseating at worst. A lady’s southern flower pot is not to be tampered with except after marriage, and even then it is frowned upon by Jesus unless it is exclusively for the sake of reproduction. If your daughter has a large amount of female friends, it’s almost guaranteed that they may experiment with probing each other’s internal tuna sandwiches. Okay, so we know that the ladies’ venus man traps are being infiltrated by other children, none of whom the teenage lady is married to. But the most disturbing part is that the body part used to perforate these young ladies’ nether regions are other children’s mouthes.
A woman’s menstrual blood is extremely toxic and if you touch it, you are touching an aborted soul. Beyond the inherent grossness, it is also a method of spreading pro-abortion propaganda to youth. They don’t care about the dead babies ejecting from their lady funnels in the form of rancid blood. When a woman is menstruating and engages in a tostada faceplant, the term for what the scavenger does is called “drinking the salsa”. Tostada faceplants are an extreme form of liberal brainwashing, and like the french fry slurping, are to be hidden away from the Christian household.
French Fry Slurping: The Wrong Thing To Do With A Satan Snorkel
Like the above example of oral sodomy popular among youth, french fry slurping is a vile and inhumane way to express romance with one’s romantic partner as well as others. This tends to be a very common way for women to commit female adultery because it can remain extremely subtle and does not involve removing one’s clothes, making it easier to avoid being caught. French Fry Slurping involves a woman or a sexually confused man placing his/her mouth around a serpent scepter, convulsing to the beat of the dubstep and strobe lights surrounding. It is extremely popular at teenage parties and dances, making it a predator towards your child.
Unfortunately, french fry slurping is an extremely confusing experience that may soon contribute to homosexuality in males. When a boy finds himself the master of another teenage child as they lick the boy’s Jesus rod seductively, he may find this gateway drug to homosexuality quenches his need for satisfaction, but once it is over, he craves more. While women tend to be more interested in a man’s paycheck or number of degrees, gay men want physical satisfaction. They want the allure of hot, sweaty, chiseled bodies colliding like the plane and the twin towers during 9/11, relishing the sensations and celebrating the feeling of two bodies becoming one glorious unified item of Greco-Roman masculinity. Once your child engages in french fry slurping, he may never go back, which is why this is such a big deal.
How Can I Tell if My Child Has Been Doing Oral Sodomy?
If your child displays one or more of the following attributes, he or she needs extreme intervention and action must be taken immediately.
- Sweaty foreheads, out of breath from overusing their mouth and vulgar blowing techniques
- A breath that smells of fast food or rotting fish
- An undone zipper on one’s jeans
- 10 or more friends of the same gender
- Friends who are unnaturally touchy, e.g. may engage in excessive hugging, platonic tackling
- Goes to parties at least once a week
- Stays after school for unclear reasons
- May find themselves caressing their secret regions
Oral sodomy is an extreme danger to the whole world, and is a proponent of Obama’s socialist regime of unhealthy sharing. Oral sodomy may be used by youth who don’t want to get pregnant, which essentially makes it a form of birth control. This is an extremely rapacious romp of evil and must be stopped, before it plagues the entire world.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud

2:59 pm
What on earth are you on about? All you have mentioned above is some random misinformed christian extremist information- that is not only untrue but also unbelievable. The signs of oral sodomy made me laugh so much: NONE OF THEM ARE TRUE! People have undone zippers everyday- probably half of them are “christians” like yourself!
Give me some facts and hard evidence of this and maybe I will not believe it is basically one of your sexual fantasies. If these things are true then you cannot stereotype those who commit acts as having 10 or more of the same sex friends/ or lesbian and gay.
Whether you listen to a certain type of music or party does not mean that you Tostada Faceplant OR Slurp the French Fry.
Please do not try to create hatred through misguided articles- you’re only disgracing yourself and your God.
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3:34 pm
I believe the 10 or more same sex friends part was added because he is jealous of anyone who is remotely popular.
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3:29 pm
stupidity in a massive scale
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3:36 pm
Even for Christopher it seems too stupid.
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3:31 pm
OK then Christopher,
For someone who claims not to get involved in these sorts of activities you can describe them in vivid details. I have never heard of these two sex acts.
Tostada Faceplant.
“A lady’s southern flower pot” Really that is what you are going to call it? Very immature of you. Just say vagina if that is what you mean. It is a scientific word for the body part.
“If your daughter has a large amount of female friends, it’s almost guaranteed that they may experiment with probing each other’s internal tuna sandwiches” Or maybe your daughter just has a lot of friends because she is likeable. Just because she has a large amount of friends of the same sex does not mean she will experiment with lesbianism.
“A woman’s menstrual blood is extremely toxic and if you touch it, you are touching an aborted soul.” Menstrual blood is toxic? Really? Doubt it. Also you are not touching an aborted soul. If by some chance you touch the egg, it is not an unfertilised egg. It would never have been a child. It is only alive in the sense that other cells in your body are alive and it isn’t aborted.
French Fry Slurping.
No amount of clothing would make this subtle. The penis, or “serpent scepter” as you call it, is roughly at the midsection of a person. It is not something that can be placed in a mouth with any subtly. Never heard of this act occurring at any teenage party or dance.
“They want the allure of hot, sweaty, chiseled bodies colliding like the plane and the twin towers during 9/11, relishing the sensations and celebrating the feeling of two bodies becoming one glorious unified item of Greco-Roman masculinity.” OK Christopher anything you want to say? Perhaps relating to your true sexuality? For a person who is constantly saying homosexuality is evil, you have an interesting way of describing men and homosexual acts. Aside from the completely out of place 9/11 comment the almost poetic choice of phrasing seems to suggest more of a longing than a hatred.
How Can I Tell if My Child Has Been Doing Oral Sodomy?
Not really from any of the “signs” you suggest.
“Sweaty foreheads, out of breath from overusing their mouth and vulgar blowing techniques” – Or the child is more likely unfit. Also could be asthmatic. Either is more likely
A breath that smells of fast food or rotting fish – Eaten fish or fast food recently.
An undone zipper on one’s jeans – Happens to the best of us. We all at some point forget to do up the zipper.
10 or more friends of the same gender – Has a fair amount of friends because he/she is likeable. To draw anything else from having a large group of friends implies you doubt your child should be popular.
Friends who are unnaturally touchy, e.g. may engage in excessive hugging, platonic tackling – People hug and platonic tackling has no ulterior motive hence it being platonic.
Goes to parties at least once a week – Another one which throws your belief in your child’s popularity. Stop being jealous of your kid being more popular than you.
Stays after school for unclear reasons – After school club? Socialising with friends? Detention? Reasons behind staying after the end of school are never unclear.
May find themselves caressing their secret regions – Maybe because a LOT of people play with themselves. Almost everyone does or has done at some point. Mainly because it feels good and people like to feel good.
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3:50 pm
<3
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4:21 pm
lolololoololo
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4:29 pm
<3 you too
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8:43 pm
I don’t see what’s so funny about teenage oral sodomy.
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9:44 pm
because it is not a big deal, it is just people having sex.
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10:27 pm
Premarital sex is a big deal.
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10:36 pm
Provided it is done safely. Why?
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11:12 pm
Oral sodomy implies that there is an asshole on someone’s face. The hell is wrong where you live?
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11:22 pm
Fred
I thought so too. Until I googled the definition. Apparently although it usually refers to anal it can also broadly be used to describe any sexual act other than vaginal. http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&safe=off&q=sodomy&tbs=dfn:1&tbo=u&sa=X&ei=loM8T9STF4K_8wPPtN2KCw&ved=0CCIQkQ4&biw=609&bih=519
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5:18 pm
Same here bro. I think someone is fucking things up because I looked in a dictionary and it sex anal sex.
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5:33 am
Obviously you are part of this heinous Satanic plot to defile the good children of America. You can fool yourself but you can’t fool the lord.
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9:06 am
Yes it is obvious I am part of that plot. Just by denying its existence I have proven my guilt. I clearly want this to go ahead as I have stated that it doesn’t happen. I am obviously being sarcastic.
I am not American, thankfully, so I have little to no interest in what the children of America do. I don’t particularly care what people get up to behind closed doors. As long as it doesn’t affect me I have no reason to care. I was in fact pointing out how it doesn’t happen and that the “signs”, and the article for that matter, are clearly jealous paranoia that would end up in getting your child resenting you because you are suspicious. A resentful child will act out more than a child brought up in a trustful and accepting home.
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12:26 pm
So you know the “Lord” personally?
He told YOU, and specifically to YOU that they are part of a heinous satanic plot to defile the good children of America?
Wow, you are so special!!
Are you the next Jesus?
(sarcasm)
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1:39 pm
Did you not know that the whole of christwire are best mates with god and talk with him on a regular basis about every little thing? They all get his input on their articles, ask his views on current affairs and what is evil nowadays. That is why they can tell people what god thinks.
(Christwire in case you missed it that comment was HIGHLY sarcastic)
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4:29 pm
<3 you as well
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4:30 pm
<3 everyone
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9:38 pm
Sweaty foreheads, out of breath from overusing their mouth and vulgar blowing techniques
A breath that smells of fast food or rotting fish
An undone zipper on one’s jeans
10 or more friends of the same gender
Friends who are unnaturally touchy, e.g. may engage in excessive hugging, platonic tackling
Goes to parties at least once a week
Stays after school for unclear reasons
May find themselves caressing their secret regions
Damm I do that all the time……you got me!!
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9:41 pm
Who doesn’t do that?
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9:48 pm
oral sodomy … is not sodomy in the ass and oral in the mouth … how can we do these 2 thing in same time .. ( well if you have more than oen person I could understand ) but still
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12:24 am
If I do forward cowgirl, my partner can orally sodomize me. It’s not that difficult if you have an imagination.
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9:52 pm
Ah, I see the site is working again…
I must say Christopher…Youbare a mad man who is afraid of some nonexistent absurdities that only exist in your mind.
“10 or more friends of the same gender”
So according to this…Someone can only be friends with 9 people of the same gender? Truly, truly moronic.
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11:10 pm
As far as I can tell, the author is comparing eating fast food to giving blowjobs…
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7:46 am
Keep fighting those windmills!
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5:19 pm
I got nothing so… titties.
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5:21 pm
Still a more intelligent argument than anything the christwire lot have ever come up with.
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5:31 pm
Dude, a month or two ago I fucking ruled the recent comment section up top.
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3:13 am
Freespeech Funkyjunk aka Guy Fawkes, you aren’t even able to rule your Lego’s castle or the Lego peasants that live there.
BTW, how did you poll on my Facebook wall turn out? Did lots of my friends click the “like” button to say that they hated me?
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3:19 am
Who the fuck cares? It’s facebook.
I mean Christ, it’s FACEBOOK. What’s the worse that can happen? You get capslocked to death?
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3:22 am
I was just wondering how many of my friends clicked like on his comment before he deleted it and ran away like a little baby back to his mommy’s bosom. I would like to know how many of my friends hate me, why is that wrong?
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3:35 am
Um, because that shit doesn’t really matter? If you’re going to take shit seriously from people on facebook than you need to go out and make more friends that aren’t a bag of dicks.
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3:39 am
I have never even seen a bag of those things, how could I possibly be friends with it? That sounds really disturbing though. How did they get in the bag? Were they surgically removed or were they cut off by an angry partner? Hopefully this bag is just filled with rubber ones, then I could give them to Claire.
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3:48 am
Ummm no?

That was a cleverly crafted insult in the guise of revulsion in order for the receiving party (i.e. your dickish friends on facebook) in order to feel uncomfortable and disgusted?
Also, I don’t want to hear about your sexual fantasies about Claire. It’s not good form.
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3:52 am
Was the first part of your reply in English? Also, it is a well-known fact that Claire enjoys a rubber phallus daily, so I was merely stating that she would probably appreciate them more than I would.
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3:54 am
Also, what do you have against Facebook? Are you upset that only your mother has sent you a friend request?
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1:04 pm
1) Ummm yes. That was English. I don’t know any other languages.
2) Nothing against facebook. It’s just generally annoying.
3) If you’re trying to disgust me with that ‘erotic’ comment, I can do SO. MUCH. WORSE.
I read fanfiction on a daily basis, hardly anything shocks me.
4) What is it with you and phallus’s? Das gay bro.
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1:45 pm
CelestialDeth
Wouldn’t bother trying to argue intelligently with Bruce. If your reply is anything over two sentences (or on occasion one word over two syllables) he replies with “Too Long Couldn’t Read It All” or “TL;CRIA” if he is feeling particularly lazy.
Shortened version for Bruce:
IDIOT
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2:16 pm
Yeah, I’m aware, that’s why I used numbers. Try to make it easy on the little guy.
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8:52 pm
TL:CRIA
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8:56 pm
BWAHAHAHAHA
Jonny was right!
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8:59 pm
The fuck you talking about? I didn’t poll on your wall.
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9:07 pm
Guy Fawkes, you made a comment on my wall(which you later deleted after realizing that it made you look like a moron) that said “Everybody hates you, Bruce Danus. Everybody that hates Bruce, click like on this comment”. After 15 minutes, you deleted it because only you clicked “like”. You should know by now that everybody loves me, I am the best thing that has ever happened in your life and the lives of the hundreds, nay, thousands of savages that I have saved on my weekly bus missions.
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9:14 pm
I call shenanigans.
Pics or it didn’t happen
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9:24 pm
PICS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN.
Also, Bruce, I hate your guts. If I ever meet you in real life I will push you into on coming traffic.
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9:41 pm
or…
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9:50 pm
BWAHAHAHA! OH MY GOD? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?
CHRIST IT’S KINDA TERRIFYING IN A GOOD WAY!
IT’S NICE AND SWEET BUT FUCK WITH IT AND IT’LL REAM YOUR ASS WITH IT’S HORN. FUCK. WHAT? HAHAHAHA
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10:10 pm
Sarah, I will be in your part of California late in March. Would you like to get together for a coffee or a light lunch (since you need to watch your weight)?
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10:19 pm
You should be scared Celstial, that right there is Princess motherfucking Celestia.
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10:21 pm
1) I hate coffee. It’s really bad for you.
2) I’m moving in March. Nice try.
3) Wasn’t it already established that I’m underweight?
4) I’m going to hire someone to push you into on-coming traffic.
5) Are you mentally deficient?
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10:22 pm
@Guy Fawkes.
Holy shit that is a scary bitch right there.
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11:42 pm
Sarah, why are you moving? Did you flunk out of college because you spend all your time on your little Tumblr blog? I am going on a tour to promote my new book called “Saving Souls and Stopping Terrorism: Public Transportation for the White Christian Man”, maybe we can meet up in your new city then. I will be traveling across the Great United States and the disgusting parts of Western Europe and Canada. Let me know. You can also friend me on Facebook by clicking on my name so that our plans don’t need to be so public.
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11:52 pm
No dude, it’s called the end of the semester.
The reason I’m home today is because we’re having a three day weekend.
I don’t care about you’re tour. I have art galleries opening in the next two weeks, shit is getting real.
I’m not giving you my personal facebook, what the fuck? How stupid are you? If I catch you following me one day I’m going to beat you over the head with a baseball bat with a rusty nail coming out of it.
I travel the United States anyway. When we go hunting. With out guns. Stay away from me.
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12:04 am
I am following you already. Did Tumblr not tell you? Why would you hunt without guns? Are you black and use a spear or a rock?
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12:07 am
Nope. Javalins.
Oh, you’re following my tumblr are you?
I GUESS I HAVE TO PUT MORE GAY PORN UP!
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12:14 am
Sarah, is that last picture you posted an attempt to show that you wish to put your tongue in my mouth? I think you are a nice girl, but you seem to misconstrue my attempts at friendship with something more. I am not interested in a physical relationship with you, I only want to help you achieve a spiritual relationship with Jesus. Please forgive me for causing this confusion. I understand you are a young, naive female, and things like this are difficult for you to understand. I apologize.
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12:27 am
HAHAHAHAHA GAY SUBTEXT GAY SUBTEXT GAY SUBTEXT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND GAY SUBTEXT OR EVEN KEVIN BACON FOR THAT MATTER.
My tongue is going down no one’s throat, unless that throat belongs to James McAvoy or Michael Fassbender, and considering one is already married and the other halfway across the world, that is not happening. No one else will do. (Also if you do follow my craptastic blog you would get the joke. MWAH)
You’re face looks like the ass end of the truck, and god have mercy if I ever meet you. Because I’m going to find a really big metal pole and jam it right up your ass. Sodomy you say? That’s fucking right. Take it like the little girl you are.
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12:32 am
“Also, Bruce, I hate your guts. If I ever meet you in real life I will push you into on coming traffic.”
Sorry Celestial, but I’ve had dibs on taking Bruce’s life for quite some time now. I think we’re going to have to split it up evenly. We’ll bleed him to death slowly by giving him 1,000 tiny cuts, so we’ll each get to do 500. Deal?
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12:36 am
As long as I get to burn his eyes out with cigarettes, which will proceed with skinning him and turning him into shoes.
But before I get to lock him in a room filled ten thousand wasps.
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2:05 am
Sarah and Claire, You are both very funny. I love the fact we have become such good friends that we can joke about things like this. You two are so sweet. Thanks for caring about me.
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3:18 am
Your homosexual moving pictures are causing the site to slow down and giving some of the small-brained atheists and women on here epilepsy. Please stop posting them on every comment, they aren’t funny or imaginative in the slightest.
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3:36 am
Sarah, you probably will care when you are unable to comment anymore. I’m trying to give you a fair warning here. Please stop posting those pictures and slowing down our site. I would hate for you to not be able to comment anymore. Also, they are just plain stupid and useless, put them on your Tumblr where stupid and useless things belong.
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3:48 am
Sarah, do you know what an IP address is?
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4:05 am
A few posts back, you stated that you were moving in March, therefore you won’t have those options at that point.
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4:47 am
@CelestialBeth: Do you realise that by spamming the thread with moving pictures, you are actually ensuring that none of them animate properly?
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5:02 pm
“I love the fact we have become such good friends that we can joke about things like this.”
You have no friends. Did your biological mother not commit suicide because of you?
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10:30 pm
Bruce, I would say, Go Fuck Yourself, but you’re obviously a closeted homosexual that gets pissed off at his own boner every time you watch gay porn and your penis gets hard. It’s okay Bruce. Your ships are validated. So go to a bar, get drilled in the ass, and stop whining to me like a little bitch.
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8:48 am
Guy
Wasn’t an insult against you if you thought that. It was directed to the Christwire lot. I was calling their arguments so idiotic that just the word “titties” is genius by comparison. I was calling your comment genius. No sarcasm there.
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9:00 pm
Oh I know. Was just sharing a fact.
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2:01 am
Incredible article CC. You can bet as sure as the sunrise that if 3 or more teens get together without strict Christian adult supervision that they are going to have oral sodomy. It is a trend now and these kids don’t care what genitals end up in their mouths.
Keep them busy reading the bible, away from the TV and the internet, and don’t allow them to have any friends outside of the family or the local Church youth group.
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8:53 am
Or if you get 3 or more teens together they have good clean fun. Teens aren’t always as sex-crazed as you lot seem to think. They can go without supervision and not end up having an orgy. Many do.
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12:33 pm
Ice Van Winkle, you know when you’re sitting in church- with a group of your friends (who are of the same gender as you), without strict adult christian supervision do you engage in such activity?
oh and by the way- what about christian schools… or is that an exception? Because if it is, it is not VERY nice to say that ALL teens with these “symptoms”. Also through saying not letting them have friends outside the family or the local church youth group you are encouraging incestuous and religious verisions of this “oral sodomy”
It’s rather humorous actually…
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9:49 pm
Don’t you dare call him CC!!! That’s insulting to Christian Coma!!!! And Captain Cold!!!!!!!!
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4:11 pm
BTW, this is Captain Cold XD
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwmTBnMUwQ4&w=420&h=315
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9:11 pm
Can you explain how from eating French Fries you get children giving Blowjobs?
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4:16 pm
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoK5oA7ZWb8&version=3&hl=en_US
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoK5oA7ZWb8&w=420&h=315
I love Captain Cold…
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12:17 am
You know, Christopher, you really need to get an education. And I don’t mean some master’s degree from a matchbook cover, either (What real school teaches Christian Philosophy)? But I finally understand why you are so obssessed – you are gay. You should try to be more loving toward yourself, admit it, find a boyfriend, and be happy. Otherwise you will grow even more bitter and paranoid as time goes on. Look how you describe homosexual acts! You know the details inside out, and you make them all sultry. Your descriptions of women, however, are those of a virgin, or near virgin. “Tuna”? Really? Smarten up before you drive even more people away from the conservative cause.
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12:32 pm
well said Dubiaku. I see that you noticed as well how he goes into great loving and longing detail whilst describing homosexuals and men for that matter whilst often skipping over any detail involving a woman or looks on it with disgust and lack of interest. Seems like the only one who doesn’t know his true preferences is him. I blame his ultra-conservative beliefs.
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4:58 pm
so true
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