• JK Rowling New Book ‘The Little Brown’ In Stores Soon, To Read Like ‘The Bible But for Atheists’

    February 24, 2012 2:38 am 207 comments
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  • If your idea for a great chummy bedtime story is occult sex magic, blood orgies and homosexually fueled typhoons of shameful sodomy, look no further than JK Rowling’s new ‘adult book’ named The Little Brown.

    JRK Rowling, renown cult atheist and author of explicit children’s book series The Lord of the Rings.

    As you know, JKR Rowling is the dangerous man behind the entire Lord of the Rings series. A story of sexually frustrated midgets and eccentric ogres, clamoring through a world of demonic dragons, gay-oriented sorcerers and subliminal-marijuana legislation trees that are called ‘ents’, Lord of the Rings is currently ranked by CW Catholic and Protestant quarterly in the Top Ten most dangerous literary pieces of all time.

    We all know the statistics all too well.  Young men who saw the trilogy were 16% more likely to smoke addictive drugs like marijuana and a nearly double that, 23%, more likely to secretly ‘dock’ when someone of the same gender.

    The statistics were even worse for young women, who bought into the ‘Possession Ring Pop’ parties that followed the movies.  The central theme of Rowling’s work is that Satan can possess the mind of humans with but a ring.  Once a ‘possessor’ ring is placed on a human, it is ‘natural’ for a person to strip off clothing, writhe on the ground and act like a coked meth whore.

    The parties hit the nation hard for a decade.  “Ring Pops” were laced with LSD and quaaludes, sending young college women into a confusing state of flourescent colors, loosesned sinsholes and propensity for phallus lusting.  Needless to say, these ring pop parties caused a sharp rise of STD, pregnancy and abortion raves at colleges throughout the world.

    And even after all these offenses, Rowling is ready to bring this brand of mindaltering wordsmithing to full-fledged adults.  Imagine housewives reading whatever erotica this maniac writes, her fragile mind bending to his stern, confidence brow and all knowing smug smile as he causes her juices to bubble and marinate at the thought of what fornication the next page holds.  The men of America, can we imagine a fate, broken as they are possessed via kindle or Android on lunch break?

    While the details of ‘The Little Brown’ are being kept very secretative, it’s revealed the story is another atheist praise anthem of escapism and a schizophrenic reality.  The ‘Little Brown’ is presumably the hero of the book an anti-Christ figure that will fuel the atheist’s desire to ‘trump’ the Bible.  It’s rumored Rowling is calling this book a more popular ‘version of the Bible’ for adults.

    Just know, that when this book hits shelves we will organize burnings and pray for this nation, so that this British miscreant’s words don’t destroy whatever children were lucky enough to escape his LOTR book series and movies, keeping their minds unpossessed until adulthood.

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