The classic scenes of beach-goers tossing a Frisbee on a lazy day in Malibu and Santa Monica is now done and a thing of the past. LA County officials have now made it a criminal offense to toss a frisbee or football on any beach.
Los Angeles county has pretty much destroyed the fun, freedom and carelessness that goes with a lazy day at the beach. In one fell swoop of some absent minded official, LA County has officially banned throwing any object on the beach – be it a football, a Frisbee, a juice box, or a friend into the ocean – unless you want to be arrested and stuck with a $1000 fine.
The shocking news has left many beach-goers irate and shocked. A normal part of any beach-goers car is a Frisbee. It’s a classic pickup line immortalized by tales of old and movies. Throw a Frisbee into a group of cute girls, get shot down by your buds, and then get a good game of ultimate Frisbee going.
Perhaps a bit of beach football? In Los Angeles, all of this is now illegal and a criminal offense.
In a massive 37-page ordinance, Los Angeles officials rolled out a preposterous statute that forbids “any person to cast, toss, throw, kick or roll” any object other than a beach ball or volleyball “upon or over any beach”. Beach volleyballs can only be used in predesignated areas.
If that slap in the face is not enough, kids are also now banned from making sand castles. Burying your friends under the sand is now also illegal. If any person is caught digging a whole in the beach “over 18 inches deep” (a ruler and a half), massive fines and criminal charges can and will be placed.
These laws are to protect ‘people and property’ during the busy beach season, but are actually another example of overbearing officials setting ordinances that are destroying the freedom and personal responsibility of Americans.
It’s common sense that if a beach is crowded with 5,000 people in a 30 yard area, you don’t have room for Frisbee. Walk to the next empty beach and have fun. If you jump into someone or destroy their property, expect to be sued or cover costs. It’s the common sense, way of life that exists everywhere else. Do they really have to make Frisbee and digging sand for a sand castle illegal acts with massive fines?
— WE INTERVIEWED THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE ON THE SUBJECT —
The American Perspective: What do you think of Los Angeles’ decision to criminalize throwing a Frisbee on the beach?
WC Manns – I.T. Guru Extraordinaire from Phoenix, AZ
“California is a darn stupid state.”
Holly B. – The Sweetest Peach in Georgia
“Well, I was once hit in the head with a Frisbee (really, I hope they called them flying discs because Frisbee is a trademark) and it “left a mark”. I was watching waves and BAMMO, hit me right in the back of the head. I turned to look, and the boys throwing them all had six pack abs!. They were tan and fit and we know what THAT means (P90X… hint hint). I started to feel faint, collapsed and woke up with one of them doing mouth to mouth and chest compressions on me!!!
“I can’t continue. It’s too painful…”
“I hope I don’t have AIDS, now.”
Michael Q – American Naval Hero in Honolulu, HI
“Good, that Frisbee is just going to end up on the bottom of the ocean anyway. F*ck Frisbees.”
Robert H – Forger of Morality from Chico, CA
“Frisbee’s are the gateway to the Devil’s playground.”
Aidan D – Redcoat Music Guru from Southampton, United Kingdom
“I for one am glad of this. Too many children are outside playing sports and hurting their fellow man when they could be studying the book of Genesis.”
Shannon A. – Talented Thespian from Tempe, AZ
“The first step in taking our good Christian beaches back from the patchouli wearin’ , Frisbee throwin’ hippies. Good job L.A. County!”
Carrie R. – Philosopher/Mastermind Communicator from Ohio
“This just makes sense to me. Lots of wardrobe malfunctions happen while playing Frisbee- Tops pop off, parts get exposed, children get corrupted.”
Jose de L. – Musician/Songwriter from faith-loving Fresno, CA
“People underestimate the number of deaths by runaway frisbee.”
Craig B. – Double O Agent of Suave from Romford, United Kingdom
“Keeping trash off the beach is a problem the State of California has struggled to get to grips with. Banning the throwing of frisbee is a great first step however. Homosexuals will now have to go elsewhere to play their favourite sport.”
Norman J – Political Powerhouse from Oklahoma weighs in:
“Those damn hippie liberals are at it again, frisbees are the true nature of christs spirit, flying freely through the sky like the man himself. I think we should get rid of California as a state.”
Mike M. – Folk Singer from Jackson, Tennessee
“I guess all the fetch it games with your pets are over and done with.”
Alexander R – Freedom Loving Patriot from New England
“I’m happy that our lord Jesus decided to pass this law. Frisbees are well-known homosexual paraphernalia which should have no place on LA.”
Kubba J. – Illustrator from Somewhere Near the Amish, Pennsylvania
“God made birds to fly, not frisbees. If God wanted frisbees to fly, he would have also given them wings but did not. It’s clear to me that at least one person in California has an ounce of cents in them, and they’re not all heathen homogays. These man made tools of heresy are a diamond dozen, but it’s good to know that someone isn’t taking our Creator’s design for granite and protecting the public from these devil discs.”
Nick I – Race Car Driver from Alabama shares a harrowing story.
“My virginity was stolen by a runaway frisbee :(”
Alex Starski – from Potentially Somewhere Communist Yet Moral, Soviet Union
“Horpfully this will prevent the queersexuals from frolicking around in their v-necks and Abercombie. Los Angeles needs to take the city back from the homogays that run the streets.”
– Ian B. – Manly Underoos Model from Los Angeles, CA
“We’re all lucky Point Break was made in more pro-beach frisbee times.”
Laura D. from Michigan reminds us that Frisbee can be deadly, with this timely YouTube Classic.
What are your thoughts on this?