• Secret Diary of an Emosexual

    February 23, 2012 1:19 pm 140 comments
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    Today, while giving my early morning sermon at my congregation, a concerned parent asked me to investigate his daughter’s dairy. Apparently it was riddled with Satan. Upon inspection, I found it contained months and months of Emosexual behavior and Satanic rituals (very similar) inscribed within. After the daughter was strongly reprimanded, I feel it necessary to share these horrors, and make sure that none of this sinful content is hidden away in Christian households.


    Some excerpts:


    Day 1, December 1, 2011. 

    Dear Diary, today my new friends told me to skip Church and go on the internet with them. They showed me this “Black Vealed Bribes” I believe it was? It was engrossing. I think this has inspiried me to skip Church next Sunday as well. 


    Day 3, December 3, 2011

    Dear Diary, today we secretly met to experiment with our sin caves. I know it’s against the Bible and the Lord, but the lyrics of BVB and my new friends say it’s ok. 


    Day 5, December 5, 2011

    Dear Diary, today I dyed my hair black and bought exposing nets to wear. The emos tell me I can be one of them. We go to the back of the shopping mall to engage in emosexual rituals. Just for fun! I love Beersak! Listen to BVB!!


    Day 11, December 11, 20122

    Dear Diary, tonight we snuck out to perform blood rituals in the woods, just like Beersak’s lyrics told us to. We no longer follow the Church, only Satan! 



    As you can see, groups like BVB only exist to convert children to Satanism and promote emogay activity. Please search your children’s diaries and notebooks and make sure that none of this filth is in your household!

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    About The Author
    Obaminable Pious and devout Christian serving The Lord and attempting to reform and conform this declining world. My exposed milksacs bring the Satanists to the yard.

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