• Starbucks: Are You Drinking The Gay?

    February 4, 2012 7:29 pm 27 comments

    Gay in a cup

    A good Christian must be cautious with their choices of beverages. It’s a dangerous world out there. You don’t want to drink something homosexual, or something hipstersexual, or something liberal and atheist. But only one line of beverages is all three. Starbucks covers the entire unholy trinity, and it is dangerous to America and to the future of your children. 

    Starbucks is from Seattle, one of the most dangerous cities in America. Seattle is home of Apple, Microsoft, Nirvana, Boeing, Amazon, Nintendo, iCarly, Twilight and hipstersexualism. Starbucks, through the persuasive socialist marijuana distributed to things that are from or take place in Seattle, has brainwashed every liberal, homogay, and hipstersexual in the world to crowding up their stores and ordering extremely complex beverages that they can take Instagrams of on their iPhones.

    Starbucks talks about loving people, what about God though?

    Starbucks has finally been revealed as the evil entity of Satan with the news that it supports gay marriage in the state of Washington. Starbucks is additionally responsible for encouraging millions of wealthy young boys to choose to be a homosexual. Starbucks continues to threaten my masculinity with its ubiquitous presence, and if we don’t stop it soon it may turn all of America into a scarf-wearing, Bible-hating gay homosexual hipster before we know it. Starbucks creates extremely colorful drinks that young liberal gays show on their Tumblrs so that people like you and me cower in fear of their misled taste in drinks. This little social community that has brought Starbucks so much money however, is about to ruin America.

    Starbucks: Why so many people vote ObamaStarbucks customers know nothing about politics

    As you can see from the data above, Starbucks customers know nothing about politics. Most of them would rather be on reddit through the wifi offered as they drink their fluffy coffee beverages and eat gross cupcake lollipops while updating their tumblrs. They bring enormous sums of money into the company which allows Starbucks an even greater capacity to pander to the democratic party. This is dangerous because it only allows Barack Hussein Obama a bigger margin in the election through brainwashing of children and misled youth, and that just doesn’t sit right with me.

    A True American does not drink Starbucks, I implore you to choose something more wholesome when you feel thirsty. Starbucks may implant gay ideas into your mind, and you will be confused and may even start voting democrat. Starbucks is dangerous and instead of drinking their fancy blends, go with something less exotic and colorful. Your life depends on it.

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    About The Author
    Christopher Christenson Republican, American, Christian, Man, Carnivore, White, Hero, Genius, Brave. All words that adequately describe Christopher Christenson. At the ripe young age of 28, Christopher has been writing for Christwire for quite a while, when he isn't warding off the North Koreans from attacking or mentoring youth at his church. Because of his young age, he is able to connect with the young people whilst still charming our beloved elderly. Christopher is fascinated by the grotesque trends among youth and will stop at nothing to investigate. You can contact him on his website.

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