And by three-day old chalupa, I mean Christina Aguilera letting her vericose vein tim tams hang out of her too little blouse. What on Earth did I watch after the Superbowl?
It was not bad enough that M.I.A. was giving me the finger and Madonna was wrapping her STIs all over a stage to mediocre music, then I had to watch the boychild Eli Manning think he is a legendary quarterback. Then, if that is not bad enough, rotten, three-day old chalupas.
At my Superbowl party, we left the show on and laughed at it. It was boring but it gives me the ammo for this report. For those who do not watch The Voice regularly, from the Season Two premiere I can break it down for you.
The show has four judges sitting in chairs. When they get turned on enough by a voice, they push a red button to get an eyeful and beg a no-name singer to let them be their coach.
Judge #1: Adam L. Lambert – Adam Levine Lambert is supposed to be the ‘sexy glammy’ one of the judging foursome.
With hair always in some sort of just-woke-up disarray, he’s supposed to be the ‘dreamy’ one of the group and is always giving bedroom eyes and cheap pickup lines to all the contestants.
You may recognize Lambert’s name, because he is the illegal lovechild of famed homosexual rocker Freddy Mercury, the lead singer of Queen. Lambert has been busy on a singing career of his own, apparently headlining an new femme-fatale glam rock band named Train. According to People, he may also be heading out his dad’s new band Queen.
What a great way to advertise his new fame by hosting a show that airs right after the Super Bowl! Last night Lambert tried to woo 3 women, one black man and someone who looked like a Mexican Chaz Bono.
He wears European suits and has stubbly facial hair. I’m supposing he’s supposed to be the ambisexed casanova. Then there is a healthy black guy named Cee-Lo Green. I actually like him.
Judge #2 – Cee-Lo Green
During the Super Bowl, he came out and made Madonna stop being a flussy and sing a good Christian song “Like A Prayer”, an old negro spiritual.
While a bunch of these younng new rap hip hopped stars like to wear their pants all baggy and flash their blangy blangy for all to see, this young man is respectable. He wears suits and sings good songs like the old timers: Ray Charles, Nat Cole, Louis Armstrong and Percy Hawkins.
It is rare to find any new acts these days to act like they have some class and Barry Gordy Motown training.
The only negative thing I can say about him is that during the premiere, he was letting Aguilera tempt him with her flesh exposing blouse but that’s the fault of the women for making him stare at her chest.
Judge #3 – Christina Aguilara
Last year Tyson Bowers III and I joined forced to try to http://www.deportchristinaaguilera.com. We received many votes on our petition to kick Christina Aguilera out of our country but the spook Hollywood Illuminati have Obama’s hand deep in their liberal pockets and there is no lining. You know what that means OBama will do for them at their command to get a campaign donation!
What’s even worse than all this is the fake ‘power drama’. It is like watching someone trying to fake soul. It is like seeing a new singer without soul trying to pretend to have the vocal powers of Aretha Franklin or Etta James! It is all full of sound and fury, signifying nothing!
I can only hope I get to say “Out, out brief candle!” for this show, because if I have to watch Christina Aguilera throw up a Vulcan V peace sign while headbanging to some other mediocre singer’s performance, acting all like it is a historical tv moment for a Season 3, I will be very angry, upset and even consort with the Independents to get political backing to deport people who forget our national anthems and then still try to call themselves singers!
We kicked Sinead O’Connor out for disrespecting the anthem of the world’s leading country, so why not Aguilari!
Judge #4: Blake Shelton
He’s a good country singer and a great judge.
That sums up the show. While the singers are not usually too bad, it’s just really boring and Christina Aguilear is the man attraction. As Americans, we have a duty to boycott because she messed up our Super Bowl two years ago now.
The Voice – TV Rating: M for Mediocre with slight Satanic tinglings for
(Mexican judge forgot national anthem two years ago during Super Bowl and didn’t apologize and yet still has the audacity to act like she can judge others’ singing, Mexican judge wears fleshy blouses and skirts, latent homosexuality, flirting with contestants, too tedious, all songs too predictable with pianisimo intros and crescendo second part where singers all act like they have gravely powerful voices and the parents jump up and down backstage)