• University of Shippensburg Now Offers Plan B in Vending Machines!

    February 8, 2012 3:01 pm 20 comments


    College women continue to find new ways to threaten the academic future of your son with sex.   Sodom raves, vajazzling, ‘devil’s cup’ blindfold parties and throbbing gristle are only a tiny fraction of the latest threats to young men in college. At an alarming rate, female coeds are wielding their private regions in unabashed terror-seducing techniques to tempt young men into sex. But finally, there is a pill that can help your son in his goal to become successful in life and not have forced, unwed kids wielded by female coeds in heat.

    Great news for you men at the University of Shippensburg! The school board has just announced that it will be the first to try an idea many of us pioneers of ‘smart medicine’ have pushed hard to thrust into the everyday life of Americans.

    Plan B is a great birth control pill that can be taken the night after a man has been tempted into unprotected relations.  While many men foolishly believe women who claim ‘to be on the pill’, Plan B significantly reduces the risk of hearing “I’m pregnant.  You have to drop out and support me and the baby” several months later.  How many of you want to make that call do Dad, telling him you will not be a doctor or lawyer, because you let some little spicy vixen trick you into laying the seed of life in her greedy little womb?

    At this point you may think, “It cannot happen to me”, or, ‘Not my son’,  but that is where you are wrong, good friends.  Do you realize that only 30 years ago, over 85% of people in college were men?  Guess how many men have had to drop out to care for an unexpected child since then?  45%.   Only 40% of enrolled college freshmen are men.  Over 45% have been forced out of college and forced into fatherhood.  This is an adage every college male should know:

    For every two of your  bros, one of them will not be going to college because a female tempted them to have pregnancy-laden sexual relations.

    Every year, fewer men are going to college because the burden of fatherhood has been yoked upon them by a duplicitous womb. Shocking annoncements of "I'm pregnant" are making men scarce on college campuses, new liberal laws forcing men pay outrageous salary percentages to care for a pregnant female and child. New PlanB capsules sold in vending machines can help put a stop to America's future being limited by only a high school diploma.

    Every year, young men are becoming fathers against their wishes. Our colleague Derek Van Buren startled us with a raw report of how only 40% of people in college are men, and that number is directly related to the antics of sex-crazed young women who are refusing to take birth control or use contraception.

    These irresponsible vixens are tempting our men into bed and then getting pregnant, stiffing men with the burden of a liberal child support system that makes work and school impossible.

    The eye-opening report of sorority women who admitted to ‘adorning their privates with diamonds’, inviting men into see and throwing ‘pregnancy pact parties’ to tempt perspective males students at the nation’s most coveted campuses shocked many parents.

    The threat of vajazzling has since spooked administrative officials at myriad universities.

    Liberals are already irate over the issue, stating that the university should not allow anyone to waltz up to a vending machine and have access to this great medicine.

    The liberal media is trying to claim students are against Plan B being sold next to Snickers and Reeses in vending machines.

    Of course, reality tells an entirely different story.

    After a ChristWire poll at the university, we found over 82% of the students support Plan Breafast vending machines.  This is great news for not only school officials, but parents who oft times worry that their son may end up a young father.

    Peter Gigliotti, the university’s executive director for communications and marketing reported the truth,

    “We value student input on matters that directly pertain to their health and safety so these results were an important part of the decision-making process. We are not the first one to make this available so this is not unique to us or to public higher education. This decision was also made in consultation with our medical staff.”

    Findings by the Etter Health Center of the university match our polling data.  85% of university students support Plan B availability in vending machines.

    The machines were installed in the Etter Health Center on campus after a survey of students found that 85% of them supported putting in the machines.

    There are some liberals who asked a valid question:  what is the availability of this pill, as it should be age-restricted?  Nationwide, Plan B is only available to those 18 or older.

    All of the students at the Pennsylvania University and most other institutions fit that criteria.  The machines that have the pill are not floating around out in the open, but only inside a private room at the health center of the University.

    Plan B is available without a prescription to anyone 17 or older anywhere in the United States.  Gigliotti says that all of the University’s student fit that criteria.  He also said the machine is in a private room in the University’s health center and can only be accessed by current students.

    While it is definitely wrong for women to go out and get abortions against the wishes of their husbands, there are circumstances where ‘quick prevent defense’ is definitely necessary.  With America’s economy only starting to regain strength, we must do all we can to insure the very people who built this country into a feared powerhouse — college educated men — are in the majority once more.  As we continue to train tomorrow’s leaders, letting them fully enjoy college life free of fear, we will see a resurgence of a powerful, dominating America with good family men with good jobs at the helm.  Women will naturally find their place once they realize they cannot exploit the liberal court systems anymore.

    And that, dear friends, is how we restore natural order.  Plan Breakfast.  The pill is sold in a vending machine for a reason, and it goes nicely when splashed silently into a ‘breakfast-in-bed’ bowl of cereal or oatmeal.

    Thanks for rating this! Now tell the world how you feel through social media. .
    How does this post make you feel?
    • Excited
    • Fascinated
    • Amused
    • Shocked
    • Sad
    • Angry
    About The Author
    Adam Nelson

    Facebook Conversations