I have recently been called a bunch of different names on this site, ranging from Racist to “Potential Rapist”, so I thought we could all use a little break. Therefore, I want to tell the story of a dog’s life. I will use my dog’s life as the example because I know his life fully. Here is a little back-story on my dog: His name is Cletus, he is neutered, he is African-American and he is 12 years old.
My dog is my best friend. He is the best companion ever. He never asks if he is too fat or complains about me watching sports. All he asks is that I talk him on a nice walk everyday, feed him and look the other way when he meets a woman dog. I love to watch him dream in his sleep, he looks like he is chasing an Asian off our property, it is so cute. So, let’s begin with a day in the life of a dog and have some fun times where nobody gets called awful names afterwards!
The first thing every dog does, is wake up. Much like the blacks, dogs hate getting out of bed unless they must make a bodily function happen. Dogs (and blacks) would sleep all day if nature didn’t call. Once the dog wakes up however, you need to be prepared to take it outside, or it will stare at you while it does its business on your laptop or $5000 Corinthian leather couch. If you are a responsible pet owner, not like a cat owner who just lets their animal do its business in a box in the house and cleans it out once a year, you will take your dog for a walk and let him urinate and defecate at a bus stop or in front of a homeless shelter like a good dog. If there are neither of those things close to you, find the nearest Chinese restaurant and let it go there, they will cook it into a nice Schezuan Beef. I must say, avoid allowing your dog to defecate near a Muslim Terrorist house or Mosque, because they will turn the poo into a dirty bomb.
After taking your dog for a morning walk, it is time to give it a little food (just like how you pay your House Mexicans after they do their dirty jobs too). The feeding of an animal can have a major effect on their physical and psychological life. We only need to look at the blacks to realize this fact. Blacks eat nothing but fried chicken, collared greens, watermelon, kool-aid, grape drink and marijuana. That is why they have the highest rate of death among Americans, not because they love to gang-bang each other and sell drugs and mouth sex acts to each other constantly. When you buy food for you dog, please read the nutrional info on the back of the bag. Avoid foods that do not have actual meat as the first ingredient and try to limit the corn/wheat meal intake of your pet.
After a full meal, your dog may want to take a nap. This is the same effect an expensive meal has on a female, they always seem to fall asleep the minute you get them home. However, if your dog, or your woman, is getting a bit chunky you might want to keep them awake. Playing catch or just chasing them with a vacuum usually works (Sidenote: If both you woman and your dog are getting tubby, make your woman vacuum near the dog. They both get exercise and your house is cleaned. It’s a Win-Win).
After a nice little nap, they will be ready for more human interaction (this applies to your dog and your female). Now it is time to decide, do you play with your dog or play with yourself? I always choose playing with my dog, he loves me unconditionally (Like the Muslim Terrorist loved Bin Laden), so why not spend as much available time that I have, with him. I usually at this point, taking him out on to my Acreage, and depending on the Season, will let him take a swim in the lake or I will just toss a frisbee with him until he gets tired. Dogs love exercise. They were born as free running animals, just like the blacks. After we domesticated dogs, they became a little lazier, but they still love to be busy with stuff, unlike the blacks. Make sure your dog gets at least an hour of exercise per day, and check their hip joints on a regular basis as well.
After this playtime, you dog may be tired out and napping again. I like to use this time for a snack, or as the illegal Mexicans call it “A Fiesta Siesta”. When enjoying this down-time, be careful. Your dog can sneak up at anytime and require more love. If you own a tiny dog, which I consider more like a well-mannered cat without the various diseases and evil, be extra careful because you may step on them or eat them without knowing.
Sometimes you need to work during the day though, unless you are a black Obama-fare recepient, so you can’t have all of these fun times with your dog. What do you think your dog does when you aren’t at home? Does he call over other dogs from the neighborhood and throw parties? Is that where your booze and bacon disappear to? Does he rent Dog Show Competitions on your cable? Is that why your bill is so high? Well, I set up a hidden camera system throughout my house to make sure my house Mexicans weren’t stealing from me, but it caught a day in the life of my dog! I would upload it here, but honestly, he slept almost the entire time I was gone.
I hope you love your dog(s) and treat them as equal partners in your life, because they only require food, a walk and a good belly rub now and then in order to love you back almost as much as Jesus loves you. I’m glad we could share this time together without anybody calling me nasty names also. Spay or neuter your pets!!! God Bless You All.