After years of reading ChristWire and letting our holy words tickle his soul, Andy Biersack is finally caving in to our preaching and renouncing his gothy haired emosexuality. The quivering voice behind the dangerous band Black Viled Brides, Biersack commands a legion of loyal long haired followers who are shucking decency for smoked drugs, gothy black Satanic clothes and scary music. It looks like all this may soon come to an end.
In the image at right, we see in 2012 Andy Sixx – Andy’s devil name – has got a haircut. His name used to be Andy Sixxx, but after he decided to be decently moral he lost an x. This means he is one step closer to being his true self, a good young suburban boy named Robert Van Winkle.
I cannot wait for the day when Mr. Biersack renounces all of his fake names and goes by his true Christian name. He can then lead a Christian band named the White Tunic Priests or even better The Black Suit Pastors with great Christian songs like my hit song, “I Can Only Imagine (When Bush Returns)” and Dudson Wallace’s classics “Time Of Your Life, Osama Dines in Hell Tonight” and “Rehab (Mexican Remix). Let’s not forget “You’re Beautiful (Democrat Cheaters Remix)” and “Sunday Sunday“.
Just imagine having Brother Biersack Van Wankle helping us. What a powerful ministry we would have.
Andy Biersack, you should make a song with ChristWire and have your fans sing it. We will praise you and take pride as we know your soul will be fated for heaven, but even better, all your fans will finally know the good word and truth.
Andy Biersack, once you were a caterpillar. And soon you shall be a butterfly. You will be transformed. Be reborn. And Jesus is the reason why!
You won’t need to reenter your mother’s womb, or even have to get high! If you want to be lifted up, all you have to do is left of the Son of Man! Amen!