• Are Deadmau5 and Skrillex Planning a Kiester Kegger At Your Son’s College?

    March 4, 2012 9:32 am 43 comments
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  • Suggestively stroking his pasty mansacks made supple from infusing LSD with human growth hormone and then wildly shooting it into veins at concerts, Skrillex is being hailed the new King of Electronica and your child’s immortal soul is at risk.  Has your son’s campus already been part of the Kiester Kegger world tour?

    It’s every father’s worst nightmare.  The dread day when you have to call your family to a secret meeting, to let them know that you witnessed Facebook evidence of your son’s unabashed homosexuality.   Gone are the hopes and dreams of being a proud grandfather, watching your son make his mark on the world.  Instead, you know every night it will be some other man leaving his mark on the backside of your son.

    Every concerned father nationwide should know of the man named Skrillex.  As Reverend Figs instructed in his sermon, this Satanic Wasp is encouraging young men to get drunk and sting the backsides of one another, all while feverishly bucking to what can only be described as Satan scratching his nails on a chalkboard with one hand and fervently beating his dangling testes like an African tomtom.

    It may sound like a wild sight to see and dear readers, it is.  Screeching noises and deep bass make the pulse of these perverse people flush with excitement.  I can think of no other people more dangerously explicit than these drug addicted Skrillex fans.  It’s already bad enough that the genre of music these bad music addicts follow is dubstep.  The very culture of this community is big into all the popular scene drugs like Quaaludes and minced marijuana leaves, mixing them together into an ice-blended form of ecstasy infused mocha called X3.

     And it’s from this deadly drink that the “Kiester Kegger” world tour was born.  Kiester Kegs are traditional party kegs filled up with deadly X3, which has a frothy, brown appearance much as the discharge from the backside of a spent gay or Skrillex fan after a rave.  It’s this substance that is wildly poured around and consumed at Skrillex concerts, the effects of it causing the imbiber to have loosened sin holes and to pass out.  These people consider it ‘proper etiquette’ to thoroughly bathe and wear easily removable clothing before a rave, so their bodies can be ‘skrilled’ rotten by the more sober dubstep ravers should they pass out.

    Homosexual Horror Fact
    Unknown to many, homosexual men love to place cute mice into their intestinal tracts using the suppository method. These live mice meet a musky death, just like the millions of unborn children a climaxing and seasoned raver will release into the backside of a passed out fraternity boy or worse, your son, who was bribed into attending a kiester kegger. Do what’s right and have the talk with your son. Tell him to stay away from dubstep raves, mocha looking drings and Skrillex. His masculanity, his father’s respect and future of a disease free backside is on the line.

    This all may sound shocking, but we must remember the father of dubstep is a man who calls himself Deadmau5.  According to our investigation, “Deadmau5ing” is a term first coined by German homosexuals to conceptualize dead mouse anal ferreting.

     Deadmaus = dead mouse anal ferreting.  Never forget this fact when your son says he may have listened to a little rave or dubstep music.  In this world of socialist Sharia friendly presidents, a bad economy and tough to get jobs, can you really risk that a poor, Audacity generated form of music can be what’s responsible for your son dropping out of college, getting rampant STIs from turning tricks on the street and then winding up dead as a gender bending prostitute in the gutter of a hard street in Las Vegas?

    You may think it’s impossible, but that’s the fate that awaits 35% of Skrillex fans.  And even worse, over 95% of male dubstep fans will experiment with homosexuality at some point in their lives.

    Parents and friends, Dubstep music is the segue drug to failure in life.  It starts out with your kid sitting in a club, their too tight clothing showing evidence of sweat under the hot shining strobe lights.  Someone offers them a drink of X3 or some neon body paint to ‘cool off’.  The next thing they know, they are in a sex brothel in Eastern Europe, their clouded minds barely aware that they are being jostled around atop the quivering thighs of some eccentric sheik pervert.

    All of this news is fresh and horrifying, but it only gets worse. In the opening image, Skrillex was jostling his fleshy man bits. But how can a man grow milksacks, you may ask?

    This question reveals the latest trend in dubstep: male milking. From all the months of injecting themselves with LSD and human growth hormone at raves, then washing down hallucinogenic estrogen pills with X3, male ravers have somehow caused their bodies to produce mammal milk. Within the bosoms of many Skrillex fans, there have been reports of a ‘sweet milk’ that flows from that tatties and this is why at Skrillex concerts, you will now see males furiously sucking the mammalian ludicrosites of another man. They are breastfeeding each other drugs and it may be the biggest violation of scientific ethics of this new millenium.

    Parents, dubstep music is so very dangerous. It and the music community it fosters is now causing physical changes in the bodies of our young men and we won’t even horrify you today with what happens to the young women who are fans of Skrillex and DeadMau5. Please keep your children away from these wild kiester kegger sodomy parties of drugs and more importantly, keep them from the mind altering music of these two dubstep ‘gods’.

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    About The Author
    Mike Watson Intrepid, bold and dashing, Mike Watson's investigative reporting prowess is only outdone by his burning desire to restore conservative values and morality to America. With a unique penchant for purity, Mike Watson's TV, Radio and writing inspire millions to know the truth behind American culture. Also on Facebook

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