Are Deadmau5 and Skrillex Planning a Kiester Kegger At Your Son’s College?
Suggestively stroking his pasty mansacks made supple from infusing LSD with human growth hormone and then wildly shooting it into veins at concerts, Skrillex is being hailed the new King of Electronica and your child’s immortal soul is at risk. Has your son’s campus already been part of the Kiester Kegger world tour?
It’s every father’s worst nightmare. The dread day when you have to call your family to a secret meeting, to let them know that you witnessed Facebook evidence of your son’s unabashed homosexuality. Gone are the hopes and dreams of being a proud grandfather, watching your son make his mark on the world. Instead, you know every night it will be some other man leaving his mark on the backside of your son.
Every concerned father nationwide should know of the man named Skrillex. As Reverend Figs instructed in his sermon, this Satanic Wasp is encouraging young men to get drunk and sting the backsides of one another, all while feverishly bucking to what can only be described as Satan scratching his nails on a chalkboard with one hand and fervently beating his dangling testes like an African tomtom.
It may sound like a wild sight to see and dear readers, it is. Screeching noises and deep bass make the pulse of these perverse people flush with excitement. I can think of no other people more dangerously explicit than these drug addicted Skrillex fans. It’s already bad enough that the genre of music these bad music addicts follow is dubstep. The very culture of this community is big into all the popular scene drugs like Quaaludes and minced marijuana leaves, mixing them together into an ice-blended form of ecstasy infused mocha called X3.
And it’s from this deadly drink that the “Kiester Kegger” world tour was born. Kiester Kegs are traditional party kegs filled up with deadly X3, which has a frothy, brown appearance much as the discharge from the backside of a spent gay or Skrillex fan after a rave. It’s this substance that is wildly poured around and consumed at Skrillex concerts, the effects of it causing the imbiber to have loosened sin holes and to pass out. These people consider it ‘proper etiquette’ to thoroughly bathe and wear easily removable clothing before a rave, so their bodies can be ‘skrilled’ rotten by the more sober dubstep ravers should they pass out.
Unknown to many, homosexual men love to place cute mice into their intestinal tracts using the suppository method. These live mice meet a musky death, just like the millions of unborn children a climaxing and seasoned raver will release into the backside of a passed out fraternity boy or worse, your son, who was bribed into attending a kiester kegger. Do what’s right and have the talk with your son. Tell him to stay away from dubstep raves, mocha looking drings and Skrillex. His masculanity, his father’s respect and future of a disease free backside is on the line.
This all may sound shocking, but we must remember the father of dubstep is a man who calls himself Deadmau5. According to our investigation, “Deadmau5ing” is a term first coined by German homosexuals to conceptualize dead mouse anal ferreting.
Deadmaus = dead mouse anal ferreting. Never forget this fact when your son says he may have listened to a little rave or dubstep music. In this world of socialist Sharia friendly presidents, a bad economy and tough to get jobs, can you really risk that a poor, Audacity generated form of music can be what’s responsible for your son dropping out of college, getting rampant STIs from turning tricks on the street and then winding up dead as a gender bending prostitute in the gutter of a hard street in Las Vegas?
You may think it’s impossible, but that’s the fate that awaits 35% of Skrillex fans. And even worse, over 95% of male dubstep fans will experiment with homosexuality at some point in their lives.
Parents and friends, Dubstep music is the segue drug to failure in life. It starts out with your kid sitting in a club, their too tight clothing showing evidence of sweat under the hot shining strobe lights. Someone offers them a drink of X3 or some neon body paint to ‘cool off’. The next thing they know, they are in a sex brothel in Eastern Europe, their clouded minds barely aware that they are being jostled around atop the quivering thighs of some eccentric sheik pervert.
All of this news is fresh and horrifying, but it only gets worse. In the opening image, Skrillex was jostling his fleshy man bits. But how can a man grow milksacks, you may ask?
This question reveals the latest trend in dubstep: male milking. From all the months of injecting themselves with LSD and human growth hormone at raves, then washing down hallucinogenic estrogen pills with X3, male ravers have somehow caused their bodies to produce mammal milk. Within the bosoms of many Skrillex fans, there have been reports of a ‘sweet milk’ that flows from that tatties and this is why at Skrillex concerts, you will now see males furiously sucking the mammalian ludicrosites of another man. They are breastfeeding each other drugs and it may be the biggest violation of scientific ethics of this new millenium.
Parents, dubstep music is so very dangerous. It and the music community it fosters is now causing physical changes in the bodies of our young men and we won’t even horrify you today with what happens to the young women who are fans of Skrillex and DeadMau5. Please keep your children away from these wild kiester kegger sodomy parties of drugs and more importantly, keep them from the mind altering music of these two dubstep ‘gods’.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Mike Watson
Intrepid, bold and dashing, Mike Watson's investigative reporting prowess is only outdone by his burning desire to restore conservative values and morality to America. With a unique penchant for purity, Mike Watson's TV, Radio and writing inspire millions to know the truth behind American culture. Also on Facebook
11:37 am
They’re perhaps worse than The Phish. What a disease!
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3:22 pm
The sad thing is that this Skillrex man targets a very specific type of young teen. He preys on the outcasts and the awkward types. These kids are just so vulnerable to drugs and sexual situations, even homosexuality, which makes you really wonder what this Skillrex is really up to behind the scenes. We saw all this with Michael Jackson and people looked the other way because he was a black and parents thought their kids were just going through a phase. Honestly, do we want that to happen all over again? Shouldn’t parents do everything in their power to protect their children from sexual predators?
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11:43 am
Don’t be so sure to conclude how deep two degenerate groups can go, my dear friend in Christ. The traveling brothel, aka The Phish Summer Tour promises to sink the moral fiber of society to new lows. If it’s anything like the New Years Shows in New York City, this upcoming The Phish tour will be a debacle of the most shameful sort. On last New Year’s in the Big Apple, the Phish and their hordes of meatsticking rioters were in town while the occupy hippies were at the peak of their unwashed worst.
The only Christian radio station in town was actually giving out air quality index warnings for the SUBWAY SYSTEM!!! This was a sanitation disaster that the city may not ever recover from. And do you think the liberal media cabal even mentioned it?
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7:29 pm
After Dr. Billings latest, I’m with you Brother Cassidy! Bless You!
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11:43 am
What’;s wrong with that Skillrex guy? I’m surprised he hasn’t been beaten to death by teenage hooligans already for looking like a transexual version of Harry Potter.
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3:18 pm
Skrillex does awesome music ,also deadmau5 does awesome music ,and i know what deadmau5 looks likes because he wears this mask
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3:22 pm
How does she sing through that helmet? Peculiar.
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11:49 pm
“she” happens to be a he
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12:53 am
Oh, my apologies. I thought it was that Skrillex girl under there. I can’t keep this filth straight (and neither can they!)!
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1:05 am
Skrillex is a guy.
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2:01 am
WHAT?!?!?
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2:19 am
Problem?
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8:52 pm
Better question. What kind of name is Albert for a girl?
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9:15 pm
I would hardly call stealing other people’s music and distorting it to the point where it sounds like a trainwreck “awesome”.
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2:40 am
“Skrillex is a guy.”
I’m not too sure it is a guy, why does it have mammary glands? It’s probably one of those botched-up transsexual freaks.
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10:01 am
He doesn’t. It’s just a bra that someone threw on stage.
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10:25 am
You must be confused re-sinner. Just because this lesbian looks as dykely as possible doesn’t mean she’s a man.
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11:13 am
Skrillex is a man. A striaght man. He has a man’s voice. He has no breasts. You people are delusuional.
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12:28 pm
Albert the mere mention of Phish makes my skin crawl. I’ve only recently been introduced to this sinful butt-sex crazed Skillrex and must wonder how our government tolerates this shameful youth destructive music, with drugs and anal rape being all part of the attraction? Back in my day we’d have shut these felons down and locked them up!
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12:40 pm
Brother Jonathan, good to hear from you. You are a better man than I. Locking these deviants up would be an act of mercy. Call me Roman, but I wouldn’t mind seeing these fools thrown to the lions!
Or better yet, lather them in honey, blindfold them, and thrown them to a bear. How delightful that would be. These twinks would hear of an approaching “bear” and surely assume the position preparing for a sinful fecal jolly. Laughing Out Loud!
But, how their queer, anticipatory grin would melt to a mess of pure terror as they received God’s just wrath! Hell would be split wide open! Honk, honk!
And, for homogay sinners, believe me, hell is an eternity unBEARable! REPENT! REPENT! REPENT!
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1:37 pm
Wow, a Christian wanting to murder someone for being different? What a shock!
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2:39 pm
Am I a lion or a bear, Laww? Your “logic” is dumbfounding.
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2:49 pm
Apparently you share the same disease as Billings, being unable to read.
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2:59 pm
If I share something with Dr. Billings, you can bet your life it ain’t a disease. Get real and grow up. Did you go to Church today?
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3:13 pm
Clownboy, it helps to NOT have had a full-frontal lobotomy before trying to insult someone.
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1:07 am
Why does everybody on this website say that skrillex and all dubstep artists are butt-sex crazed felons. And at dubstep concerts you have the same exact ratio of getting raped as you do being a child that lives a half a mile away walking home from school. Rapists are everywhere, not just at skrillex conserts.
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2:00 am
Out of you and Skrillex I would say you are the one that looks butt-sex crazed. You people aren’t even Christian. I know what Christians are, and they aren’t people who hate anything they want just because they know these idiots will believe it and praise you. Christians are meant to love. Christians aren’t meant to hate. They give people a chance. What has he ever done that is bad at all? I really don’t understand? For making music you obviously just can’t handle? He has never raped, murdered or forced anyone to do anything bad. I’m sure if he did we would hear proof of it. If anyone was influenced by him it would only be to make music and be happy. Show me in the bible where it says “People who make dubstep music goes to hell”. Before he made dubstep music he made nice soft, peacful music but he obviously likes experimenting with different sounds. His name isn’t Skrillex it is Sonny Moore. Everyone I know ether loves or has listened to Skrillex and I have only ever know 2 gays in my whole life, but they were gay before Skrillex was making dubstep. He acts differently on stage than he is in real life, but that is because he just has amazing stage presence, and it is more enjoyable to watch. Why don’t you all stop wasting time on trying to make people believe that this kind hearted 23 year old is doing anything wrong. None of this article is true. You can hate his music, but don’t hate him as a person. You are all just fucked up in the head disrespectful cunts.
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2:43 am
If you want to reply, reply to me on here: http://www.aprildavies.tumblr.com
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3:45 pm
Nice graph you made up. Still can’t get real facts eh?
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10:54 pm
That’s a god-given graph
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8:41 pm
Reading this article, I cried for the parents that don’t understand the dangers of dub step and the imminent doom that these wub wub tubs present for any future grandchildren.
Studies show that the damage from only one single penetration can harm the reproductive system.
I mourn the future of our country.
Thank you Mike, for pouring your heart and soul into this fantastic piece of informational journalism.
Kind regards,
BB
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11:47 pm
omg it is physically possible for men to grow boobs. really christwire.
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12:00 am
Men do have breasts and it is quite possible for them to have more ‘boobish’ shape than a woman.
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12:55 am
Yes,I know that but it said that the male ravers now produce mammal milk and are feeding it to each other. That is seriously a wrong observation in this article. Not possible at all.
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1:11 am
Have you been to a Skrillex kiester kegger?
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1:14 am
No, I’m 12. Why, have you?
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1:29 am
And I’m preety sure “God” did not intend men breast feed. Plus that was just a bra some chick threw on the stage, not Skrillex’s boob’s.
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12:58 pm
What the hell does a 12 year old know about anything??? Shouldn’t you be on a Lego site or chasing an ice cream truck or something?
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1:50 am
You always talk about how america is a free nation and yet you hate any form of free expression that is non christian and believe it should be made illegal, if you take your opinions about what america should be like but switch christian with muslim you guys start sounding like Iran.
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3:59 am
How much free expression did they have in the Soviet Union, tubby?
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2:47 am
Why don’t you talk to the Gulag commandant about free expression?
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9:36 pm
You are simply jealous because:
1. You can’t math right. 4×4 does not equal 16, 4×4=12
2. You can’t see ghosts… n stuff
3. You can’t drop the base.
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3:24 am
How cute, a bunch of christians talking about how a dubstep artist is going to kill the world. Seriously you think all your ways are the in the right, and everybody elses is wrong. This albert guy no doubt enjoys this so called “bum sex” due to the fact that he has some pedophiled heshe clown as his picture. But then again thats what most christians are into right? Priests do it all the time. Just saying, if you guys are gonna be biased so will I.
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