Canadian Homosexual Nut Rustlers Protest Christian Marriage
The Winsor Ontario squirrel population is supporting the homosexual Gay Agenda by waging an unholy war on women. These gay rat cousins, in an effort to shore up their lascivious nut rustling ways, are devouring the succulent tulip bulbs planted to adorn Windsor parks for spring wedding pictures. Canadian ladies, planning on enduring memories captured on film, are inflamed with rage.
“The biggest disappointment is going to be for brides. It is a photographer’s heaven to bring the brides down there on a Saturday with all those tulips and intense colors. It’s just gorgeous,” Dave Tootill, the city’s supervisor of horticulture, told the Toronto Star Thursday.
Windsor Mayor Eddie Francis said “The tulips were great” adding “The park got a whole makeover and then the squirrels dined out,”
Squirrels are the second least favorite of God’s creatures because of their natural proclivity for mischief. Leviticus 11:3 is clear on the cleanliness of the squirrel, making it a varmint or unfit to eat. It is suspected that squirrels have formed an unholy alliance with Satan, since when parks are built long distances from any squirrel population within a few months they tend to show up and set up small ghetto villages. They will beg for food from unwary walkers in the park.
While squirrels will mate incestuously for procreative purposes, males tend to leave the female to care for the babies, called furbags. The weary single mothers are deplorable housekeepers and will shove germ soaked fecal and urine nest material out of the nest, spreading disease along the trunk of trees. For brides wanting that special “Twilight” picture with her beloved, leaning like Bella against a tree, beware you may be spending the honeymoon in a flop sweat fever that you didn’t intend.
The only thing that can keep squirrels from eating tulip bulbs is Holy cayenne pepper, sprinkled liberally over bulbs during planting. But even then, the effectiveness tends to wear off on subsequent years without re-application.
“…the squirrel can smell Tulip Bulbs like you smell fresh bread or brewing coffee. Part of the task is to throw shorty’s nose into thinking “these are not the bulbs you are looking for…”. We will accomplish that with powdered cayenne pepper and blood meal… “How to Properly Grow Squirrel Cocaine”
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Author: Blanche Beecham
"Blanche Beecham lends a soft, learned hand to the fourth estate with incite-full investigations on diverse topics such as Politics, Love, and Lifestyle. Her many years experience as a wife, mother, ladies book club president and financial auditor make her well suited to ferreting out the truth and giving it a sound shake." - Rev. Jackson Lee Whitebelley, Publisher and Editor of "The Incubator" - Follow me on Twitter! @BLANCHEBEECHAM
10:30 am
I don’t know about Satan’s creatures, but sqirrels are vicious rodents.
seriously, don’t fuck with them, they’ll fuck your shit up.
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2:04 pm
Yes they are nasty critters known to carry AIDS, Hepatitis C, Lyme disease and much more. Great story sister Blanche.
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3:53 pm
not even that, they have claws and know exacty how to use them, and their jaws aren’t only good for crushing walnuts. combine that with the fact that they are quicker than greased lightning and virtually uncatchable.
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2:54 pm
The liberal government doesn’t allow discharging firearms in the city but a good pellet gun set at it’s highest power does fine to clean up my yard from these filthy rodents.
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3:29 pm
Thats actually a good idea… Where I live is filled with squirrels and they just annoy me to no end…now I just need a pellet gun…
Thank you for the idea Mr. Pen
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4:01 pm
If you have any relationship problems, I found a video. some very insightful tips to help your love life.
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5:00 pm
I went to a Gwar show, not knowing how unholy these savages are. I was watered down by squirting Lady Gaga nipples and other monsters’ bleeding members, amongst a crowd of filthy Godhating gayfriendly perverted drug adicts.
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5:44 pm
Rape: it’s the only answer
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2:01 am
Thank God in heaven the conservative state of government of the great state of Georgia has seen fit to make it legal to install silencers on Hunting rifles and shot guns. I am getting the gunsmith to whittle me up one for my .410 shiot gun right now. Those little buggers better look out this spring and summer. I’m gonna light them up.
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7:22 pm
I bet squirrels weren’t on the ark either. No one likes them. You never hear anyone say “let’s go to the zoo to look at squirrels.” Come to think about it you never hear of anyone liking Canada either? Where are the Canadian restaurants and how come no one studies Canadian history or culture? I do wan’t Alberta though.
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7:32 pm
So you’re just going to literally pick apart what you believe about the bible? Alright, how’s this: it is now a fact that Jesus said that Christwire supporters are to be burned at a stake. And how about you go do some history research yourself, moron. You call a 95% bad and yet you don’t know the first thing about Canada, apparently.
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7:42 pm
I know a lot about Canada, I have worked there and my family jointly owns a place in British Columbia. It’s just north of Nelson, cross the bridge then head 7 miles NE on highway 3a. It is on the right on Lake Kootenay. There is a sign on the mailbox. (if you hit the Balfour ferry you have gone too far) I don’t head there as much now that the kids are older. The kids like to head up there alone with their friends as the drinking age is lower.
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7:44 pm
You do realize that only an idiot would believe that, right? And are you suggesting that you support underage drinking?
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7:48 pm
If only an idiot would believe that, what does that make someone who says that about a place we really have? Would you like an address, pictures, phone number?
And it’s not underage. It is legal there. The law is the law. Idaho was the last state to raise the age to 21, and it is because the federal government forced us. We in Idaho firmly believe if you are old enough to die for your country you are old enough to drink. If the government feels people under 21 aren’t mature enough, they should raise the draft age to 21 also.
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7:51 pm
“If only an idiot would believe that, what does that make someone who says that about a place we really have? Would you like an address, pictures, phone number?”
Anyone can look shit up online, it’s a mere search away.
“And it’s not underage. It is legal there. The law is the law. Idaho was the last state to raise the age to 21, and it is because the federal government forced us. We in Idaho firmly believe if you are old enough to die for your country you are old enough to drink. If the government feels people under 21 aren’t mature enough, they should raise the draft age to 21 also.”
Alright, that’s actually a fair point, one that I really can’t complain about and even agree with.
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9:50 pm
I completely agree with it, too. no reason I shouldn’t be allowed to drink if I can smoke (which is deadly) or fight in war (also deadly). I can’t wait until June: I can finally have that “Speed Demon” drink I’ve been wanting to try out. hopefully it doesn’t give me cardiac arrest
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9:39 pm
actually a lot of people Likes canadian but for american you shall try again
all we heard about you american is they hate you Nobody Loves you theys ee as a nation of warmongerer and a Barbarian and hypocrite
oh and we said “want”
though you will never get alberta
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7:52 pm
I hear “the Windsor Ballet” is something to see, although I never went while in Detroit. The fellas seemed to really enjoy it.
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10:51 pm
*Sigh*
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