• Complete List of Secret Facebook Emoticons and Smileys

    March 16, 2012 4:27 pm 135 comments

    There is a hidden world of secret communication in Facebook called “Emoticons” and “Smileys”.   We will reveal these saucy secrets to you today.

    For all parents, boyfriends and husbands, there comes a time when you must spy on your wife, woman or kids’ Facebook account.  We all know the statistics:  over 50% of divorces are due to Facebook affairs.  Every day, children are being approached by strangers on Facebook, trying to trick them into meet-ups.  Exboyfriends religiously try to get your girlfriend to ‘meet up with them, just for a bite’.  Bite being euphamism for “I’m going to woo you until you let my sinsnake spit Satan’s poison into your buttocks”.

    Let’s just be frank and real here today, people.  You know it’s all true.  Here is the proof:

    Emoticons are a new type of programming language named for the notorious sex crazed community of Americans named emosexuals. Coders picked this name because women and children on FB use these images to secretly commit affairs and get naively abused by strangers after secret meetups. Every concerned father and husband has a responsibility to know the latest Facebook emoticons.

    Facebook causes most divorces

    - Strangers lurk on Facebook

    - Ex-boyfriends private message and poke your girlfriend, until they convince her to secretly let them put their sinsnake in her buttocks.

    But even though all of that is terrifying, there is a new secret world of code words created by the emosexual programmers who power Facebook.

    The new secret langauge of Facebook allows perverts, adulterers and the naive covort in carnality behind the backs of concerned husbands and loving fathers.  When we go to spy on our loved one’s Facebooks, we had no idea what was being discussed or talked about.

    Due to this, we worked with the University of Washington interns and commissioned a study into the secret emosexual language that powers Facebook conversations.  It seems that a system known as ‘emoticons and smileys’ take simple demonic ASCII text (Ample scrotal colon II, a coding language first programmed by a homosexual MacIntosh programmer named Ira Hayes) and throw them into an engima PHP javascript box, throwing at a resultant symbol or demonic figure.

    All that means is that your wife or daughter can type, for instance, (^^^) on Facebook.  To me, that looks like parentheses and three carrots.  To the perverted recipient of the message, it looks like a shark once placed on Facebook chat.  This lets the receiver know, “Yes, I’m into sharking.  You may perform mouth biting on my ‘secret surf board’ and ‘my crying seal’.”

    Below, we have analyzed and revealed the Satanic coding that powers these messages.

    WARNING:  THE FOLLOWING IMAGE MEDIA IS THE BROKEN DOWN CODE OF THE NEW EMOSEXUAL EMOTICON ENIGMA BOX ON FACEBOOK CHAT.  DEMAND THAT YOUR WIFE/CHILDREN ARE OUT OF THE ROOM, SO THEY DO NOT KNOW YOU HAVE THIS KNOWLEDGE AND THEN COMMIT THIS CHART TO MEMORY.

    Please feel free to practice these images with fellow clergy or parents, so you may see how the code looks on the receiving end.  It is important for every husband and father to stay on top of the complex, evergrowing secret language of Facebook.

    Even at the time of this report, as I submit this journalism to benefit your life, an intern has just informed me a new ‘emoticon’ has been created.   It is called the ’42′, an adulterous coital position that purportedly allows reverse sodomy to take place on a woman without the husband ever being ever to find out.

    All a cheater has to do is type this to your wife.  :42:  Or even worse, she can send that to him.  That means they will smoke magic mint, meat at 4:20 am (red eye time) and then do the 42 position.  All you will see when you spy is this:

    42

    Let that image sear in your mind’s eye and haunt you, men.

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    About The Author
    Mike Watson Intrepid, bold and dashing, Mike Watson's investigative reporting prowess is only outdone by his burning desire to restore conservative values and morality to America. With a unique penchant for purity, Mike Watson's TV, Radio and writing inspire millions to know the truth behind American culture. Also on Facebook

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