Do It Yourself – How To Remove Wallpaper and Create Your Mancave
If you have any Do-it-Yourself project questions or advice needs, please email Abe Goodman at holymailbox@christwire.org with subject Handyman and your question
The Mancave Edition
The joyous day when a father finally kicks the last kid out of the house and toward college is a good one. Your wife is crying over her empty nest and in disbelief that her little incubations are all grown up, you, you have something else on your mind.
How do I make this house look like a man’s place again?
For career fathers who started implanting the wife from day one, this may be a tough thing to do. Your house is likely filled with pastel colors and wallpapered bathrooms. Even for us proper fathers who went to college before having kids, your basement is all nicely decored and hardly a place to invite the boys over to watch the big game.
You need to make your house a true man’s space again and that is why I’m introducing my series, the DIY, Mancave Edition. In this Do It Yourself series we will help you answer your home improvement ideas and shoot videos for the more complex things that need fixing. Today, we have a DIY for stripping Frenchy wuss designer wallpaper, so you can put up some good American paint from Home Despot or even better, Lowe’s or Roach True Value Hardware.
Step 1: Silence the Wife’s Nagging/Preparation
Your wife is not going to like ‘her’ nest being disturbed. To get around this, you’ll have to pay for her to have a spa day with one of her girlfriends. Just pay for both of them and tell them to have a nice lunch or dinner too. After she’s done thanking you for being sensitive and helping her get over her blues, go to your local hardware store and buy all your do it yourself supplies.
For the walls you need to remove all your wife’s annoying wallpaper, make sure to place drop cloths. You will also want to remove all the switch plates from your electrical outlets. A portable light is needed if the room you are in does not have natural light, as you will need to cut all power to the room in which you’re working to be safe.
Step 2: Make Sure You Have All Supplies
Shoppling List (Please Print this List)
Wallpaper scorer, Dish detergent, spray bottle, fabric softener, wallpaper solvent, putty knife, drop cloths, duct tape, masking tape, putty knife, a ladder you should already own, dishcloth/sponge, eye protection gear, soda, peanuts, multi-head screwdriving unit
Step 3: Score Wallpaper and Mix Abe’s Special Wallpaper Concoction
1. Simply use the Wallpaper Scorer to create small holes in the wallpaper. When you mix up my special goop, you’ll see it soaks right in and lifts the wallpaper.
2. Mix up some hot water and fabric softener in equal parts. You can use the wife’s measuring cups if you did not buy a bottle with measuring units. So if you add four cups hot water, you have to add four parts of the fabric softener. Don’t mix gallons at a time, so the water stays hot enough to help dissolve down the adhesive glue that’s sticking the nasty wallpaper on your hard earned walls.
Step 4: Saturate Walls in Abe’s Special Wallpaper Concoction
Use your spray bottle to completely saturate a scored section of your wall with my special concoction. It should be left to soak in for a good 3 to five minutes, giving you plenty of time to get a swig of soda and some peanuts while you are waiting. Do not do too large of an area, or you will end up with a splotchy mess. Work in neat, organized units, keeping in mind that if you soak too much at once you will just create more work for yourself.
Step 5: Reclaim Your Man’s Wall
Carefully grab pieces of wallpaper at a bottom corner (you can use your putty knife to help cheat them up, much like you do a first-side pancake on the griddle). Carefully pull up and use to putty knife, using the ‘don’t stick pancake’ technique as you work your way up. The wallpaper will slide right off if you keep soaking and doing it slow enough. In time, that wall will be bared and prepared for treatment before your paint job.
Done.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Abe
If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack.
Follow me on twitters. Poke me as your New Friend on Facebook!!
4:42 pm
Oh Abe, this is excellent.
Far too many ladies will beguile and mind-wrangle a man into thinking he’s a trespasser in his own castle. What a smart idea to remove wallpaper! Many of these flower patterns have Masonic symbols and hidden messages heck-bent on brainwashery, unlike veneer wood paneling or plain old egg shell white paint.
I think for men that have been especially held down by the neck by an abnoxious fishwife, one might tear out the wallpaper and leave it for a few months while contemplating the color for the walls. She will pipe right down.
Mister tried leaving a project undone for a few weeks, once. I misinterpreted it as a contest and the race was on. Our bedroom looks beautiful now, styled in Early American bordello.
Kind regards,
BB
Praise or Condemn:
3 
0
5:22 pm
But what if the woman owns the house?
Praise or Condemn:
3 
4
9:47 pm
I know we sometimes kid around here, but this is a serious topic. Stop joking around, Ex-Christian.
Praise or Condemn:
4 
1
9:53 pm
What, it’s inconceivable to you that a woman is able to hold up a job that pays for a decent house and her husband ends up moving in with her after the two get married?
Praise or Condemn:
1 
3
10:55 pm
I am being serious. Many women own the house. Many women have jobs while the men stay home. So I ask again, what if the woman owns the house?
Praise or Condemn:
2 
3
11:22 pm
Ex-Christian, you stop that crazy talk right now. Abe plainly said the ‘wife’. Married couples don’t exclusively own this and that, unless they are liberal, one of them is homosexual or they plan on getting a divorce when something better comes along.
Praise or Condemn:
4 
1
11:24 pm
Shut up you stupid cunt, you’re opinions are not worth a damn, and you have no one but yourself to blame for being a woman.
Hey, it’s your belief that women are inferior to men, so how about you actually do what you’re told for once in your life.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
5
11:52 pm
L.N.
Let the hate out, L.N. Your comments don’t even make sense any more. I can’t even get angry because it is so pathetic and sad. You’ve been here long enough to understand the rules, and yet you ALWAYS make these remarks. It’s like you are begging me to spank your little bottom with the back of a brush until the sting makes your pain go away.
I’m not that kind of lady.
BB
Praise or Condemn:
3 
0
11:57 pm
WOAH! Why do you share Billings’ crazy sexual fantasies? Look, Bitcham, you need to get that out of your system on someone else, you can actually find people and pay them to smack their ass around, but don’t try to push that kind of stuff on people who either aren’t into it or hate you. You seriously just have too much sex on the mind when replying to people who hate you. It’s like you have a sexual fetish for it or something.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
3
12:00 am
Stop. Pleading. For. It.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
12:02 am
Go get help, you crazy, sexually repressed bitch.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
2
12:08 am
“Shut up you stupid cunt, you’re opinions are not worth a damn…”
I think you are the one with the crazy repressed fantasies, L.N.
Do you say those sweet words to dates or just your mother?
Praise or Condemn:
3 
0
12:55 am
Christ, you have an incest fetish too? Seriously, get help, and this time, don’t kidnap someone and lock them up in your basement, that’ll make it WORSE.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
2
1:18 am
L.N. I didn’t say anything about basements, you brought up that topic.
I’m 100% real woman, Buddy.
I don’t hate women (like you do “you have no one but yourself to blame for being a woman”), call them names or do little noodle-tuck kooky dances in front of a mirror pretending to be a woman while working on a woman suit.
Look if you’re confused, seek help. But stop fouling this Holy site with your nonsense. It is time for you to put the lotion back in the basket and stop pleasuring yourself by attacking me and the other ladies.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
1
3:19 am
It turns out that theses two, Ex-Christian and L.N. are awesome comedians. They just don’t understand their hilarity. I will create a cake for the Atheists. I feel bad for them.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
1
3:31 pm
“L.N. I didn’t say anything about basements, you brought up that topic.”
You seem to forget that you once claimed I was working for you, when the reality is you kidnapped someone shortly after your divorce, and threw him into your mother’s basement and acted as if your newly kidnapped victim was your servant or something.
“I don’t hate women (like you do “you have no one but yourself to blame for being a woman”), call them names or do little noodle-tuck kooky dances in front of a mirror pretending to be a woman while working on a woman suit.”
You do hate women though, you’re pissed that your entire life you witnessed women being free and unshackled from Christian laws and then you freely went and chained yourself to them and now you’re taking your self-hate on others because you can’t stand the thought that they get to vote or voice their opinions while you have to remain in silence. Yet, much like everything else in the bible, you don’t follow those rules in the first place and decide to open your mouth and let your stupid flow out.
“Look if you’re confused, seek help. But stop fouling this Holy site with your nonsense. It is time for you to put the lotion back in the basket and stop pleasuring yourself by attacking me and the other ladies.”
You’re the one with power issues, not me. You’re the one who can’t decide if you love being chained up and smacked around or if you want to lash out against those who aren’t.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
1
1:58 am
“Many women own the house. Many women have jobs while the men stay home.”
Many is a misleading term to use when describing a tiny proportion of the population, namely homosexuals who have gone into marriages of convenience.
I see another thread has been hijacked by LN yet again with his horrendous misogynistic attacks on Blanche.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
2:59 am
Do you have any proof as it being a tiny proportion? Or it being homosexuals who gone into marriages of convenience? No?
Praise or Condemn:
0 
1
4:48 am
Maybe its normal in your gay ghetto, its not anywhere else in the world. I don’t have to prove a negative.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
4:53 am
So now you are sprouting lies about where I live at. When will you end the lies? I live in a nice open and friendly community. So, if you have absolutely no proof of anything you say then you are full of bullshit. Sorry for the curse word but you are. Come back to be when you can back up your words.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
2
7:08 am
I think L.N. and Ex-Christian could be a great comedy team. “Women owing a house”…hahahaha You’ve won me over. Do you have an agent yet?
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
1:42 am
I might recommend that you pick up the supplies and have them in your pick up and THEN send the wife off to the spa. That way you can get the work done and slap on a coat of paint before she gets home. That reminds me I need to go get my toes decorned by those yappy koreans down at the wal mart.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
3:22 am
I think L.N. and Ex-Christian could become the new 3 Stooges. They would need to add Claire or CelestialDeth, but it would be fine…
Praise or Condemn:
2 
1
4:52 am
“I think L.N. and Ex-Christian could become the new 3 Stooges.”
Fine, other than the fact that none of them are at all funny. The Three Scourges might be more a more appropriate name.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
1
4:54 am
Being sexiest is not a funny matter. Your kind of talk around anyone sane would not like that.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
4
7:18 am
You sound like a “Shemp” now. I thought you could pull off a “Curly”, but your last sentence definitely made you seem like a “Shemp”.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
10:22 am
Sexiest? Such dreadful chauvinism. You should learn not to be such a lecherous bigot.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
9:49 am
I really like the Wasabi green color for dining rooms.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
7:51 pm
Women have too many rooms in the house; they have the bathrooms, the kitchen, the laundry room, the shoe closet and the pantry. All men need a room to call their own. If women want to come in, they can come in and clean it.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
8:15 pm
Wait so thats abe I’d have never gussed.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
12:11 pm
Something I reccomend for people who like loud TVs or music that annoys others is placing fabric on the walls. The fabric keeps the sound in your room, but won’t let it leach into other rooms :3 I plan on doing that when I move in with my band mates so that we won’t annoy our neighbours by loud music.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0