Donald “The Donald” Trump said “You’re Fired” to 23 year old Jenna Talackova for being born with a twiddle winky. Usually found on male children, Miss Tallywackah claims to have noticed the manufacturing defect at age four and began acting female. After beginning hormone therapy at age 14 Jenna then underwent gender reassignment surgery at 19.
Representatives for the Miss Uterverse pageant claim she was disqualified for lying on the registration forms. While the pageant is widely accepted by liberal feminists as a meat parade that values only the external beauty of the female form, organizers hope this action will put to rest those silly claims. Character matters too. The Universe is not to be mocked with lies and deceit, my friend. The true character of these young ladies must also be judged worthy of wearing the crown and a bikini. If we accept less, the terrorists win.
Unlike past scandals, this is not a matter of drinking and driving or going commando. Those are Universal offenses that can be corrected. There are no corrections for having more than a bit of honey in one’s nether parts.
Other scandals the Miss Universe franchise has endured include:
Crowning an Arab who then went on to get arrested for driving drunk.
Miss Colombia 2010 Catalina Tobayo who caused a stir making official appearances without her underwear.
Crowning an underage Miss Universe 1957 Gladys Zender, who was 17 instead of the required 18.
Oxana Fedorova was the first Miss Universe from Russia when she won the title in 2002. But it was short-lived, as she gave up her crown to finish her law degree. Organizers claim they fired her because she was lazy and stupid.
In 1957, Miss USA Mary Leona Gage lost her chance to be Miss Universe when her title was stripped a day after being crowned because her mother-in-law let officials know she was on her second marriage, had two children, and was 18.
The Donald gave a pass to Miss USA 2006 Tara Conner, allowing her to keep her title even after doing cocaine, having sexual liaisons in her Miss USA apartment, and drinking underage.
A complete embarrassment for the franchise was Miss Universe 1981 Irene Sáez, who ran for president of Venezuela in 1998, was elected mayor of Chacao in 1992, and served as governor of Nueva Esparta in 1999. Organizers felt this degraded the title.
While Miss Candadian Tallywhackah is only the latest scandal to rock the Universe, we can all reset assured that under the squinty gaze of The Donald, all shall be restored to normal soon.