• I Might Employ a Black to Drive My Limo

    March 22, 2012 10:07 am 74 comments
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  • I have been called a Racist, a Sexist, a Homophobe, A Xenophobe and even a bad person here, but now I will prove you wrong!


    As I have stated multiple times, I already employ a Black at my Company, but now I am thinking of adding another.  Who is a racist now, Liberals?  Most of you don’t even like Obama or Tiger Woods.  I try to look past a blacks genetic disposition to rape, theft and murder, and I realize that, just like Monkeys, they can be useful too.  Liberals always argue about how Evolution is “Pure Science Fact”, but get angry when we point out that we might believe them…Look at the Blacks.  I believe Christians need to re-look at the Theory of Evolution, because we all know that blacks aren’t quite human, right?


    I recently bought a Mercedes Maybach.  I wanted to purchase a Cadillac or Lincoln, but both of the Great American companies dropped the “Bomb-Proof” under Carriage, so being as important as I am, I went to the next best Country, Germany, for my car.  This car truly flows luxury from every pore.  Most of you think of us Germans as awful, calculating, Brilliant humans, but we know how to make a car that is comfortable.

    My problem came when I needed a driver for my beautiful vehicle.  I know that many people, Christwire friends included, will say that I should drive it myself, especially since it get 11 MPG, but I need to point out that the backseats lay down like a La-Z-Boy chair.  Who wouldn’t ride in the back?


    So now I need to choose my driver.  I need to think wisely, because I have a $150,000 car that is bomb-proof now.  It would seem that a tribal kid would not be a good choice, but you would be both Racist and Wrong, and here are the reasons why…


    #1.  A black is not an Asian.

    We all know that Asians are the worst drivers ever, and even a Black Teenager with no license(because they hate the Government except for Welfare) is better than any Asian driver.  Nobody except for the Asians will argue this point.  I recently met an Asianistic female named Melanie through a group on the FacedBooks called “Bastard’s Guild”, This Asianist posted that she has wrecked her car 72 times this year (it is only March).  I believe that Asianiatic types have trouble driving because their eyes are very slanted and closed. I hope science is working on a cure for the Asianish eye issues.



    #2.  Not a Mexican.

    Have you ever had a Mexican housekeeper?  They will rob you blind.  Have you ever had a Mexican Gardener?  They will make your bushes look fantastic.  A Mexican driver?  Who really wants to get into their nice car with 400 other people?  Seriously.  I love the Mexicans that I own, but I don’t trust them with my vehicles.


    #3. Not Russians.

    Russians are like women since America killed Communism.  All they can do now is cry “Rape” and talk about Famous American actors.  Yachov Smirnoff wasn’t funny 20 years ago and your Russian jokes about Rape aren’t funny now.  Also, they can only drive in snow.



    #4. Not (usually) a Terrorist

    The Muslims tend to use vehicles, when they aren’t blowing themselves up for 72 virgins or whatever their fake religion says.  I am willing to hire a Muslim driver, but no Muslim will offer to drive me because my car has a bomb-proof under-carriage.  Terrorist like the Muslims hate jobs.



    #5. Not a female

    Black women hate to work.  Obama has made a special job for them called “Welfare”.  All other women that may actually apply, DO NOT! I love women, especially certain commenters on this site, but they are fit to drive large vehicles around.  I can see you driving a “Smart” car or any other electric car around, but I actually laugh out loud when I think of a female trying to drive my car.  My insurance would go through the roof if I let a female touch my car, even without paying for her birth control.  I can’t believe that I even thought of a female driving, that is just silly.


    #6.  The Gays

    You have all seen the way that they walk, limp-wristed and floating, How do you think they drive???  Expecting a gay to drive normal, is like expecting a black to not rape…It won’t happen.  We allow these types to drive their Miatas, New Beetles, RAV4s and Priuses around because even if the do wreck, they can’t hurt even a pedestrian with those cars, but if I give my Maybach to one of them, imagine the carnage that would take place.  The gay would be putting on his make-up or fingernail polish and not paying attention to the road.  It would eventually run a Red light and T-bone a school bus full of White, Christian children, killing half.  The gay would jump out of the wrecked car immediately, because gays have no internal organs or a spine, and attempt to give CPR to the surviving kids.  Most people would think that the gay was being nice, but gay CPR means “mouth to twaddle sword”, because gays only think about sex.


    This brings me back to the only option that I have…A Black man.  As I repeatedly state, I am not racist, so this is a fine option for me. I have actually hooked up a little siren in the back seat for when I need him to drive faster.  Blacks are very good at driving away from sirens and making Kool-Aid.

    I hope this helps everybody when they are choosing a driver.  A black may seem like a criminal, but sometimes they are better than a Mexican or a woman!  Please choose your vehicle operator wisely.


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    About The Author
    Bruce Myron Danus Years of Mental Gymnastics, and lots of love from Jesus has made this man realize he was not "Born this Way", but instead chose to be a Homogay until he met God and realized God doesn't make mistakes like a homogay.

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