• Is My Favorite Politician a Latent Homosexual Or Is He Just Really Charming?

    March 12, 2012 3:46 pm 9 comments

    I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus lately because of my Santorum campaigning and the obnoxiously cold February weather. The homosexual love of Valentine’s Day as well posed a threat to my health and well-being, so I haven’t been as up to date as some of my fellow writers on here in the past month. However, with this break, I’ve been exposed to a terrifying mindset that has become common among young liberals. Recently a gay couple moved into the house beside mine. They constantly terrorize me and my moral superiority. Everyday they taunt me with the false mindset that because I strongly oppose the homosexual lifestyle, I must be hiding some sort of desire to sodomize a dashing young boy, maybe from a local high school or a freshman at college. Of course, these are obvious lies, but I see it everywhere now. I encounter people who think Michele Bachmann’s husband is actually a homosexual. On the youtube, I read comments urging great Republican politicians to “come out of the closet.” Unfortunately, this myth of homosexuality within the Republican party is being shoved down our throats through mind control, and it may be hitting your favorite Republican next.

    The Republican party has been targeted by the radical homogay agenda, with strong conservatives falling victim to the dangerous allure to bringing rentboys with them on vacation and soliciting backdoor penetration in airport bathrooms. New cults have emerged, like GOProud and the Log Cabin Republicans, designed to lure normal, moral, white, Christian men, unassuming individuals who generally seem reliable. Where does the madness end? I’m too terrified to answer that, but one of the major consequences of this bizarre gay agenda is the correlating suspicion.

    In the above image, I use the frightening screen image of what happens when you google search my personal favorite presidential candidate, Rick Santorum, the only Catholic in America with some thread of decency and one of the last, true, powerful conservatives. It seems that because of what [the contradictory idea of a gay republican] should be a rare anomaly, whenever you search a reputable conservative on the google, it comes up with homosexual filth. Luckily, this isn’t a problem on Bing, so when doing political research, use it instead. But this brings me to another point: In the first place, what makes the paranoid liberal gaydar beep with strong American individuals?

    When you think of American heroes, your mind immediately renders an image of an honest, successful, handsome man with great persuasive capability, a strong belief in family values and a relatable personality. This is a vision that embodies every great Republican politician, from REAGAN! to current icons like Rick Santorum and what Michelle Bachmann or Sarah Palin would be if they were male. But, with cases of misguided sodomy among Republicans such as Larry Craig and Ken Mehlman, our reputation as  the only good political party in the world is diminishing. Suddenly, being a dignified American isn’t enough to convince the liberals that there isn’t a latent homosexual trapped within. With gay propaganda like GLEE, Lady Gaga and SMASH being distributed among the hordes of youth in America’s public school system, there seems to be this desire to turn everything homosexual, no matter how outlandish. That’s a problem.

    The American flag is being replaced by the rainbow flag in public schools, and children have to pledge allegiance to their patron saint Gaga. Dogs are being replaced by snobbish cats. PCs are being replaced by Apples. White presidents are being replaced by black ones. There is an unsettling pattern here. The liberal wave of gay water is washing over everything the government touches, and it poses a great threat to Christianity as a whole. Democratic principles are even finding their way into weak RINOs like Olympia Snowe, Mitt Romney and John McCain. What we are seeing is a full out shift towards a horrifying, dystopic future full of anarchic gays and Chinese executing Christians en masse, reviving their French sex partners’ guillotine methods in some sort of awful revolution. This surge in liberalism has led to inappropriate speculation, and what we need to do is to find a way to morally speculate and filter out those bastions of homosexuality trying to invade American conservatism like some sort of blend of Al Qaeda and the KGB wrapped into one technicolor package.

    So, how can I tell if somebody is a true Republican, or a deceptive harbinger of homosexual principles of misguided wrongness?

    • Does the individual hail from a dangerously liberal state like anywhere in the New England or the Pacific Northwest? If so, they might very well be committing some sort of destructive political espionage for the liberal homogay agenda and should be handled with caution.
    • Does the individual ever wear excessively brightly colored suits or dress shirts? (Usually a snazzy tie isn’t a big deal though if the rest of the outfit is relatively neutral) A good politician understands the importance of a conservative color scheme and never goes for anything flashy or scandalous.
    • Does the individual appear to be overweight or obese, or on the other hand, a bit too athletic looking? A good moral guardian takes care of himself but not to a feminine extent, and extremists in the realm of hygiene should be treated with suspicion.
    • D0es this person have children and a wife? Every strong leader should, and if for some reason, he is opposed, it becomes obvious that such an individual is clearly part of some homosexual conspiracy and is unfit for leadership.

    It’s a hard war we’re waging against the unholy extremists in the fringes of the Republican party and within the entirety of the democratic party, and don’t get me started on all of those absurd fake parties that pathetically can’t even get any voters for the possibility of a third party victory ever. Homosexuality is rising to power, not unlike the way Hitler rose to power within Nazi Germany. Please ensure that whoever you support is a strong Christian conservative with rational values, and maybe we can stop this homosexual monster terrorizing politics for the long run.

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    About The Author
    Christopher Christenson Republican, American, Christian, Man, Carnivore, White, Hero, Genius, Brave. All words that adequately describe Christopher Christenson. At the ripe young age of 28, Christopher has been writing for Christwire for quite a while, when he isn't warding off the North Koreans from attacking or mentoring youth at his church. Because of his young age, he is able to connect with the young people whilst still charming our beloved elderly. Christopher is fascinated by the grotesque trends among youth and will stop at nothing to investigate. You can contact him on his website.

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