In the days of old, co-ed college campuses were a great place. Men stood tall and firm, studying to become the doctors, lawyers and busniessmen of tomorrow. While some women excelled in proper fields of study too, most were there for a good social time while their lax, non-essential fields of study allowed for it. Communications, elementary education, nursing and menial animal sciences, all complimentary to women and all leaving them plenty of time to be social.
With so much time on their hands, the women of yesteryear’s colleges provided a great relief to men. In my day, it was not uncommon to unwind by having a few drinks at the fraternity house and look on with amusement and ‘this only happens now’ bewilderment as wild, frisky and taut co-eds intensely smushed faces, fervently kissing one another like their lives depended on it. Such innocent fun, to be broken by the monotony of day-to-day life, worry about investment portfolios and how big a starter home to buy the family a few years later.
Many of you reading can sympathize. College was a great time, a time of learning but moreso, a time of building comaraderie with your ‘bros’ as you watched the woman let their hair down and do some very interesting stuff. But did you know, this age of innocence has come to an end. Flying back out to my school’s homecoming and stopping by my fraternity house for a party, I found and discovered a shocking new trend. It breaks my heart. The kids were calling it ’emozione’.
It is apparently a play one words. Just like Amazonian women were notoriously manish, Emozione men are notoriously feminine. College men of today are wearing panties and crawling around on each other, taking plastic dildoes up the backside as screaming women egg them on. It may sound shocking but it’s true. Men are being encouraged to kiss each other on the mouths. It’s all a nightmare.The trend allegedly started somewhere in the ’emosexual’ movement of homosexuality.
Even shocking to elder gays, emosexuality is a new brand of perversion where boys explicitly act like drug addled young crack whores. They do everything from smearing themselves in weird makeup, vampire ritual to ‘furry’ play. These things all come to a head in the movie ‘Twilight’, a film whose two main actors are now in an openly gay roughhouse relationship.
Emozoine lifestyle and fashion is most closely related to that of the Italian male. Pink shirts and slicked hair with much ‘product’ in it, of either store bought or fetish seminal variety is used. Effiminate hand motions and weird accents are popular in this community. Beyond all that, emozoine males will sexually make out with any other male, no matter the appearance. One sip of spritzed Sprite watered down with water and they will claim, “I’m drunk, do me!” while puckering out their back ends.
These are just a few of the things I observed when seeing how this new ’emo’ culture is affecting our colleges. Men. Namely, fathers. If you see your son watching Twlight, dressing in all black clothes or listening to demon bands like Falling in Reverse or Chasing Benjamin, slap them. Slap them so hard that they understand if they keep doing perverted things, they will lose their tuition money, health insurance and parents.
Stalk your sons on Facebook. If you see pictures of them at a party and they are not slapping some sorority bimbo on the backside or helping themselves to a faceful of milky chest candies, threaten to disown them. It is not natural for a young man to remain without some fun in college and if he is a senior, sure, his Facebook page should be cleaned up for his law school or med school applications. But while young, he better act appropriately and if you find evidence he may be tinkering with homosexuality, burn his desires to do anything of the sort with the wrath of the Almighty himself.
You have to straighten our your son before he goes so far in the wrong way, he’ll never return to you until he’s been struck down with AIDS or even worse, a gay marriage license. Let’s keep our sons pure and make sure they are using women as they are meant to be used in college.