The Kingdom of Denmark is set to legalize homosexual “marriage” later this month in a move that has been widely condemned as yet another step towards the dustbin of history for the once great nation. Theologians and educators have long criticized the country’s rejection of compassionate morality in favor of radical social engineering. Indeed, Danish cultural history is rife with the blind arrogance, sexual promiscuity and political anarchism of its spiritually primitive population. The Danes are a people with little respect for traditions and ethics, social science or even common sense. While they often exhibit a cold and bitter façade, many are deeply erratic inside and break down easily when confronted on either a personal or a national scale.
Taking a deeper look at the Danish problem, Christians will find many parallels to the liberal subculture of the United States. For one, their embrace of hardcore homosexuality can be traced back to ill-advised social experiments from the 1950s. Most fascinating of all is the connection with the popular children’s toy, the Legos.
The Lego was invented in Billund, Denmark in the 1930s by an alcoholic carpet salesman. Today, the company’s international headquarters are still based in the homely, ramshackle town. The toy was an instant success and by the 1960s, the Lego was a required part of childhood in the ambitiously socialist nation. The Danes celebrated their Legos because they suggested that even the smallest, most banal things could be built up into something great. In many ways, Danish society was like a single Lego: cheaply-manufactured, indistinguishable from a hundred other products and festooned in garish hues. The bright and vulgar colors were so vital for this European country because consumers had experimented with every other form of easy fad. They were addicts of new trends and false promises, yet somehow the Lego promised them a hope they had not encountered before.
The popularity of the Lego is due to its ambidextrous, gender-bending nature. It embodies a positive and a negative, space and the absence of space. It is both man and woman. The basic block was designed to mimic the human form. Four rows of two dots: the top represent eyes, the middle breasts, below is either the male testicles or the female ovaries, and at bottom are the Dane’s bare feet. Yes, the toy is shocking in its graphic sexual nature, but the Danish people loved them. Remember, this is a nation that openly embraces “naturism”– public beaches and parks where family nudity is the law. In fact, social nudity is so popular in Denmark that entire vacation resorts are dedicated to it. You witness men and women of all shapes and sizes showing off their strange, pale Danish bodies with absolutely no shame.
Physically, the Danes tend to be hairless and their skin has a slightly orange-yellowish tinge when naked. Bodybuilding is not common, so you often see rounded little bellies and flabby arms, wrinkled buttocks and dirty feet. For American tourists, it is a very odd place and many prefer to visit the far more fascinating cultures of France and Italy. Nearby, the nation of Sweden offers superior outdoor activities such as skiing and hiking, while the Germans to the south are known as a more hospitable, gentler people who welcome the wisdom and joyfulness of citizens from the United States. On the other hand, Norway to the north is not considered a recommended option due to high crime rates and the widespread alcoholism of its populace (the country has long desired to be adopted back as a territory of the Danish royal monarchy).
As the Lego reached its height of popularity in the late 1970s, children learned that they could attach these plastic people together any way they wanted. The feminine-colored ones fit into the masculine-colored ones, of course, but you could also snap two or even five men together quite easily and that was thrilling in a secret, homoerotic way. The same was true of the female part and the sad result was a generation of severe, moody Danish lesbians. Because of the dependence on the backside (the empty space) of the Lego, children were taught that bodies could connect through human backsides. In other words, the Lego introduced children to the idea of anal sodomy and made it seem like a pleasant, Danish game.
Sodomy has deep roots in Danish culture. One of the most country’s most famous philosophers, Søren Kierkegaard, wrote a book in the 19th century entitled Either/Or which was an examination of a mutable spirituality, the idea that one should be flexible in every possible way. The sexual implications were all too obvious and today it’s widely understood that the book’s title literally means “Either the front, or the back,” an “anything goes” approach to graphic homosexual sex. More recently, art house pornographer Lars Von Trier has been outed as an advocate of hardcore Danish sadomasochism while heavy metal pop group Volbeat has helped spread Denmark’s dangerous message of anarchy and group sodomy across Europe.
The question for Americans today is whether we will let a Legos-style sexual revolution happen on our soil. Clearly this sort of mistake seems appropriate for a decaying European monarchy like Denmark, but could it happen in America? Reverend Roy Sowerberry, a family values lobbyist in Washington, worries that it could. Concerning the Legos issue, he has stated:
“God has made it clear how he wants man and woman to fit together. But Legos fit together all kinds of ways: sideways, diagonally, one on top, three on the bottom or the other way around. There’s no limit to the ways they stick into each other. What message does that send to children?” –Richieville News Service, June 25, 2010.
Denmark may have failed as a nation, but this could be a teachable moment for the rest of the world. Like the communists, they aspired to make the federal state a parent to their children. The lesson learned from the Danish dilemma spreading across Europe is that we cannot let this happen in our homeland. We need to be watchful of what sort of messages our toys send and the very first step should be to discard all the Legos in the family environment. The extremist form of European sexuality they suggest is simply too great a risk. For the love of God and America, it’s just the right thing to do.