Lions and Tigers and Africans, Oh My Missionary Trip to Africa
Many of you have noticed that I have not been very active for almost a month. Many rumors have crept up over the last month about why I have been away. Let me assure you…I am still very much alive. “The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.”
I have in fact been on a grand missionary trip for christianity and christwire to that dark skinned continent of Africa. Many of you liberals claim that we christwire authors are racist and that we hate the more unfortunate amongst us that are cursed with darker skin. The truth is that I actually have many sin colored friends in life and that are on my facebooks, including many African friends. Many of them have invited me to visit with them and engage in a missionary position with them in their land over the years.
Unfortunately this latest missionary trip is coming to an unhappy end just like as my trip in October ended. It was just such a surprise trip that took me away from you several months ago. I had a great time and was very much enjoying it. I was saving thousands of souls in the name of Jesus and Christwire when our communist Muslim president decided to invade the African land. Obamas shock troops that he sent into Africa in October were sent to hunt down The Lords Resistance Army (LRA)which is lead by my personal friend Joseph Kony.
I first met Joe in the late 80′s on another trip to Africa. It was this trip that Christwire first set up our relationship with the Ivory Coast. But that is another story for another time. I was trying to reach a village in Uganda but was told that it was unsafe. I learned that I had to gain permission and protection of the local war lord. This man was soon to become my good personal friend that my family now knows simply as Joe.
Joe was impressed that I was a christian and wanted to spread my message to his people. Being a good christian he named his rag tag batch of freedom fighters “The Lords Resistance Army”. He fought against other leaders who were muslim and those that believed in the pagan witch craft of native Africa. I was impressed with his army and their discipline to God and Joseph. But what struck me most was how his army embraced the youth of the land. Everyday the proud African warriors in the LRA brought their many sons with them, and showed them how to defend their land. Call it what you will but at least these youngsters will never go to school in black eye shadow and white paint and complain about being bullied like little American Emosexuals do.
Once again Joseph Kony is under attack, this time it is not from the Godless muslim Barack Obama but some hippie that is using the wars in africa to make himself rich. This little hippie has created a movement called “Kony 2012″. Mostly young women are spreading the movie that he made and in reality is only making him more money, to spread his lies.
Other wise my trip has been a wonderful experience. I flew into the Ivory Coast as I always do but this time I bought boxes and boxes of the Christwire handbook for the folks, then I made my way to South Africa, where I spent more time with my old friend Desmond Tutu. Desmond is an important christian leader in South Africa and helped end aparthied. But I forgive him anyway.
Finally before I return to America, I am off to visit Joe. He has some diamonds that he wants me to take back to Atlanta with me. It seems that Africa has special diamonds known as “Cohn Flick” Diamonds that are known around the world but for some reason are hard to sell. But I have a Jewish friend back home that sells jewelry in his chain of stores.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Susan B. Xenu
Although over 80 years old, she is still a woman of unparalleled intellect and passion. She brings this spiritual fire to every aspect of her life. "Sister Susan" joined our staff in 2011 and has a fiery writing style on a diverse set of topics. A widow she lives in Atlanta, Ga and has been active in her church for over seven decades! You can now add her on Facebook or Twitter. Also read her Personal Blog.
9:21 pm
Dang, White Granny goes to the motherland and I am stuck here with you damned white people.
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4:07 pm
Like many black folks, you should be grateful you got invited to America in the first place.
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9:53 pm
You mean sold to people who took them here against their will, right?
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9:50 pm
Negro perhaps if you were a bit more positive I might take you back to your motherland next time I go.
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4:43 pm
Eat shit..Bitch lips11
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8:47 am
god i love you Harley
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9:25 pm
Oh I envy you, Sister! Traveling the globe and seeing the world. I have always wanted to see Capetown, which is one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Unfortunately, I hate getting all those shots prior to travel and learning about the parasites that can invade the temple of the body.
There are little worms that will sneak into your eye and eat your brain, spiders that crawl into the belly button and lay eggs just under the skin – boils form as the eggs mature and look like yellow balls of fat like the quickening of a baby chick still feeding off a yolk. Ewww, creepy stuff.
Thank you for your report from the trenches of exploration!
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9:49 pm
Africa is such a scary place,
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10:00 pm
Oh sister Blanche, once you get past the mosguitos, AIDS, Ebola, and nations full of blacks it is not to bad. The people are actually very nice.
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4:20 pm
Hey there Skanky Old CROW….Did you take a few of those BIG BLACK COCKS up your old streched out colon? Rumor has it that you saw an elephant with a hard on and had to run to the bushes to finger bang your old smelly pee hole….FOR SHAME, FOR SHAME. Repent, you sinful dick gobbler!!
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9:42 pm
I think you people lack a understanding of atheism so let me clarify.
In our society the human psyche has (in my opinion) 3 primary levels. The first level is apparent joviality, jokes, hobbies, fun things. The second level however is sadness, the drudgery of everyday life, work, family, all that. And there is also sadness in bad things you see happening, wars, human rights violations, racism, murder. However under that there is a third level, inner happiness, the kind you can only get from deeper things, like helping others. This is where atheism and theism split off, theism tries to bring meaning to this third layer with religion, faith in something greater, and hope of an afterlife. Atheism however brings meaning through the things that are all around us, primarily this has to do with human connection, friends, family, helping others, for atheists the thing greater than ourselves is not god, but the community. For atheists (and potentially buddhists) the way to find meaning is by believing in your self and others, by making other people happy, by living a life that is good for the world and yourself. This is part of the reason I am a brony, all the ethical values brought up in MLP breach the second layer of the psyche and show that helping others and friendship is the right thing to do, and that counteracts the bad things in the world. So as you can see atheism is just my way of trying to be in the 3d layer of the psyche, I believe (and many atheists share this sentiment) that the meaning of life and happiness is not god, but other people. Dont be focused on faith and things you dont know about, help the world, make everything around you better, and through that you can be happy without religion. If you need what I am trying to say to be given to you in song listen to this.
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9:51 pm
I have heard of mental diarrhea but never seen it before. Thank you little boy for enlightening me to the reality of this horrible condition. But please let’s keep christwire clean of such inane comments.
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10:01 pm
oh I see this little preteen sodomite is still around posting stupidity.
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11:24 pm
No one wanted to read this the first time.
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11:26 pm
That was for Pony 2012 above – he’s starting to cut and paste far too much.
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9:53 pm
He is a sad little boy. I have had plenty of dealings with him in the past, perhaps some of my african friends can talk to him.
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6:43 am
What utter, unadulterated pony shit.
First of all, it was completely off-topic. Neither Susan nor anybody else was talking about atheism or My Little fucking Pony, so it was very poor form of you to introduce those topics into the conversation without so much as saying “Please excuse me, this is off-topic and I am an idiot, but…”
Needless to say, your self-serving twaddle about these “layers” of the “psyche” is complete garbage. Freud, Jung and every other pseudo-psychology fraudster who ever died are now vomiting in their graves. I hope you’re happy.
Also, lose the Bolshevik swastika.
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4:09 pm
Another cartoon video, really? Are you just insane?
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9:56 pm
Coming from you, those words mean nothing. Remember steak sandwich?
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2:42 am
STEAK SANWICH.
(and I know you’re jealous of that!)
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9:52 pm
“I think you people lack a understanding….listen to this”
Did you just type all that nonsense on a whim? I fail to see what relevance it has to anything.
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9:56 pm
I think this young man must have the mental retardation.
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10:14 pm
Well you know nothing of atheism except it believes there is no god.
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6:34 am
That’s all there is to know, genius.
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9:52 pm
Susan, I have heard such horrid things about this Kony, but if he is your friend then he is my friend.
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10:02 pm
he is a very wonderful man
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10:13 pm
He is number 1 on the warcrimes list, he abducts children and forces them to kill.
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6:36 am
Maybe he abducts children and forces them to kill; maybe he doesn’t. The important thing is that he’s a Christian in a continent full of Muslims and superstitious forest-spirit worshippers.
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1:06 pm
Your religion doesn’t justify the evils you commit
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1:23 pm
Obama is a greater threat than Kony
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1:26 pm
The hell has Obama done? He has tried his hardest to revive the economy, killed Osama bin laden, ended a war, or tried to, gave the middle class people the help the need, and much more.
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1:39 pm
“tried his hardest”
Exactly, we need someone capable of more. Someone white.
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11:02 pm
I am glad he is employing the otherwise unemployable.
Bless you Sister Susan. And you too Brother Joe, even if you are black.
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6:15 am
You are sincerely going to hell for that one
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4:27 pm
Barnyard rapist!! Do you fuck chickens??
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7:51 pm
Yaaaaawwwwwnnnnn…. Same predictable crap from Harey Farey. Please take the fist from out of your bottom, you’ll feel better… Or add another, whichever helps.
Bless you.
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4:48 pm
Well….Do you fuck chickens or just roosters??
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6:41 pm
C Cocksuckers
H Having
R Rear
I Induction
S Sex
T Together
W While
I Intestinal
R Residue
E Erupts
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10:01 pm
Thank you for your kind words Stuart.
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6:39 pm
Old Crow Susan…Do you like the taste of his jiz or do you spit?? When you fuck his colon with that big black strap on do you give him a courtesy REACH-A-ROUND?????
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10:03 pm
Claire you’re fooling no one.
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10:15 pm
Sister Suze, I’m so glad your back! Christwire’s righteousness has indeed been exponentially increased! God Bless You!
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10:10 pm
Thank you so much AL. I have missed you all!
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10:42 pm
I had been led to believe that Pat Robertson had already cleaned out all the Africa jewel mines. I guess it just goes to show that the liberal media can’t be trusted.
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10:11 pm
The liberal media has to earn this trust and they have never done so.
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12:02 am
And here we have a video of a women who is a Ugandan journalist about Kony:
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10:13 pm
Thank you for agreeing with me and finding a video to prove that this hipsters hateful Kony 2012 video is bunk.
i have been gone for a while. I am not familiar with you are you a good christian or one of the godless sodomites?
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11:02 pm
I’m Catholic. WHICH, my parents tell me, is the same thing as Christianity so ergo I’m also Christian.
This video doesn’t say that Kony isn’t hateful. Kony has been dead for five years. And the group hasn’t struck in six.
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12:55 am
So Robert announces that he supports rape, kidnapping, and murdering family members if it makes more Christians in the world, even if you have to threaten their life. Wow, I honestly thought you couldn’t sink lower, Robert.
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8:24 am
Is Robert the imaginary friend I suggested you get? Good on you! I hope you two are having a wonderful time together… At least until you kill & gut him.
But bless you anyways, L.4., for at least trying the imaginary friend route!
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1:03 pm
Robert is Susan. Susan is Robert. Got it?
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2:02 pm
I am positive you do not know what you’re talking about.
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10:16 pm
none of them do
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6:49 pm
Barnyard Stewie…You should pray to your INVISIBLE FRIEND…..Chicken fucking is very, very sinful!!
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12:32 pm
Thank you. This internets webs site is now the number two most popular site in my country amongst people who cannot afford to own a computer with modem. While a senator and before the unpleasantness, I proposed legislation making Christianity the official religion of my land. The proposed legislation would allow the teachings of Christ to be taught to public school children as fact. Unfortunately my legislation never made it out of committee. Thank you sister Susan for your donation of the chrisTwire handbooks for my home village. It seems so long ago that Pastor Jack brought the love of your faith to us. Bless you all.
Hon. H Mwabwetumba.
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10:18 pm
Oh Henry I am so sorry that I missed you this time. But I understand that you are very busy. I hope to see you again the next time I go to your great land.
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1:11 pm
Thank you Sister, this article and site have enlightened me further on the disgusting world in which these creatures live in. You have further proven my point that America should just invade Africa and turn it into an All-American Water Park…
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4:12 pm
I have never been interested in visiting Africa. There’s far too many shots involved and they say you can’t drink the water or eat foods washed in water (salad, but I’m not a big fan of salad, it hurts my stomach, especially the vinegar and really is salad a big thing over there? I really don’t know what their cuisine is, they never show it on tv when you see Africa on tv, it’s never people chowing down a big crazy meal. Though every time Spain or France is on a show, they’re eating big plates of food. Some countries just love to eat! Not africa, I guess. No wonder they’re all so skinny.
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10:19 pm
The cuisine of the land seems to be rice brought in my the U.N.
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8:55 am
Having had the misfortune to have been stationed in East Africa in the past, I can inform you that they mostly survive on corn porridge. It’s dreadful stuff.
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6:59 pm
Stevie…Their menu consists mainly of monkey’s ass, therefor I understand your reluctance to go there and be their dinner’s main course!!
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10:07 pm
The jew absolutely destroyed Africa in the 19th century but very few people pay attention to this fact. They are the great bankrupters and corrupters of foreign lands. When Soros cornered the silver market, he followed their old story of preying on the lesser people. Why do we let the jews continue down this path? They hate everything wholesome about this world.
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11:10 pm
Nobody ever seems to question the word JEWelry. Blood diamonds galore!
Bless the Jews.
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11:11 pm
Purveyors of human misery…
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4:55 pm
Stewie….What is the answer…..Do you fuck chickens or roosters, you barnyard slut??
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8:54 am
Harley you know by now he fucks both he just gets turned on by them
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7:04 pm
I am. Christian but u people are being more evil than anyone on earth on your website my little brother and I have grown up together and I love him like every other brother should. When he wa little me and him played baseball together and went duck hunting but come middle school I would always notice a blank stare on his face at dinner and some nights I heard him crying in his room saying, no god please god make these feelings leave! So one night I also over heard why don’t I like boys pleas I wanna be normal so I stormed into his room asking what.. Did u just say he said please don’t tell dad I can’t help it. he prayed every night that those weird feelings would go away and that he would like girls but he still cried saying “I don’t wanna go to hell I don’t, why does this happen to me why god why?!”. So I am now a strong believer that all man is created equal yeah you old fart negros and gays to they can’t help who they are and I hate to tell u but there is nothing against blacks or gays in the bible cause when it say it is wrong to be gay the bible didn’t say gay it said a Hebrew word that some schoolers translated into English to mean gay cause the word was made up by Simon used like slang in Hebrew the word wasn’t real but it was used other places in the bible an in every other place it was put it meant things having to do with the economy do look that up u racist country hicks.
God loves us all and maybe u feel the ways u do because is all u know it’s the way u were raised
P.s. Neil Patrick Harris is gay
With concern,
James
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7:06 pm
* you old fart, negros and gays too
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