Iran is now using the ‘Sandra Fluke Defense’ to defend their nuclear womb from American meddling, but demanding the US still has to fund their nuclear ambition..
Brows thick and deeply furrowed in Arabic anger, a fired up Mahmoud Ahmadinejad suggestively motions his hands to mimic the standard sized vibrating devices American women will soon have available through Obamacare and other insurances. Frustrated with the double standards of America, Iran is using the “Fluke Theory” to demand since they think the US should stay out of their nukes, America is obligated to pay for them. The full backstory explains below.
Tehran, Iran – A fiery and charismatic Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was in rare form today, taking to Al-Jazeera television to chide the US and demand the American citizens to pay for Iran’s upcoming nuclear arsenal. The shocking move the by Iranian dictator was a surprise to Washington, DC, and Israeli officials, who to date have demanded Iran have no nuclear arsenal whatsoever.
Opening his speech, Ahmadinejad immediately cited the “Sandra Fluke Paradox” which he basically summarized as follows.
“Much like the Democrat women of America, Iran also wants America to stay out of our womb!” Ahamdinejad paused for applause from his Imam council before continuing his speech. “We fight the same fight as our sisters! These brave women demand the US Government stay out of our womb! Iran demands the US government stay out of the belly of our nuclear facilities!”
Then Ahmadinejad smugly released his coup-De-grac. “The American women demand the US government out of their wombs but to pay for their birth control and abortion. By this logic! Iran demands you enable our pleasure. Iran demands the US government pay for our nuclear womb, our birth control against all infidels! If you deny us this, you must deny your American women! And you will not! You can not! Iran is the same as your Democrat women and we have our demands. Hypocrite America, honor us our demands!”
Several people from the Department of America’s State responded to Ahmadinejad’s statements under the condition of anonymity. One official said, “He has us by the proverbial scruff. If we are allowing women the right to get vibrating devices, birth control and abortions on the corporate and taxpayer dollar, we’re denying ‘human rights’ to Iran if they now consider their nuclear facilities to be a womb. We have to give them whatever they want, despite them wanting us to give them every penny we have while staying out.”
Another official continued, “We have essentially become the powerless husband of an abortion loving woman. We have to support her financially, no matter what, yet she gets to solely determine what she gets to do with her insides. It’s an ironic hypocrisy of the highest degree. Iran has turned it into a Catch-22.”
White House officials have not responded to questions at time of report.
Ahmadinejad swaggered his head and reasoned, “Friends, America has no right to tell Iran if we must abort our nuclear weapons or keep them. They have no right just like they have no right to the womb of their women.”