• Peyton Manning Usurps Hussein Obama as “Most Evil Man In America”

    March 21, 2012 12:02 pm 6 comments

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    Mark E. Figs

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    Peyton Manning, the former All-Star Quarterbacker for the Indianapolis Colts of Indianapolis has cast the first stone in his personal war on Christianity, by agreeing to lead the Denver Broncos, wresting away the hard work and sacrifice done by valiant Christ warrior, Tim Tebow.

    While this act of cowardice comes as no surprise from the man who broke his own neck in order be relived of his contractual duties in Indiana, it is shocking to see such a fair-complexioned man attempting to hurt a fellow fair-complexioned man.

    While it is believed that Peyton (which rhymes with, and is derived from the word “Satan”) chose Denver in order to take advantage of Colorado’s lax moral code regarding the use of “Marijuana” as medicine, this act of malice against God is the latest in a long line of evil actions, done by Mr. Manning.

     

    (Peyton Manning, supervising the construction of an inverted cross outside Broncos HQ.)

     

    Unable to cope with his valiant brother Eli’s booming success, Peyton took it upon himself to re-claim the spotlight, the only way he knew how — by eroding the strong Christian foundation established by St. Tebow in order to play football with a legion of closet-homo, steroid using thugs (Shawne Merriman is still on Buffalo however.) much like he did in Indiana, when he threw the ball to convicted murderer and tiger-fighting advocate, Marvin Harrison. When Harrison retired, Manning took to the streets of Gary, Indiana and using a “forty ounce” malt beverage and several pounds of “Og Kush” (OG Kush is Arabic for “Destroyer of Health”) lured struggling rapper and known street thug Reggie Wayne to the Colts to be his new receiver.

    After several disappointing seasons of being Tom Brady’s whipping boy, Manning finally overcame adversity and defeated the all-homosexual team known as the Chicago “Bears” — a victory that saw Manning “sacked’ (a sexually explicit term referring to defending footballers dipping their testicles and other genitalia on opposing offensive players) a record number of times. Despite this gay homo roughhousing, Peyton was able to lead the Colts to victory.

    Now, after Tebow put in an abundance of hard work and dedication to establish the Broncos as a football powerhouse, Manning comes and shatters it in a matter of seconds — atypical of drug using Satan worshippers, seeking to disrupt the earthly Kingdom of Heaven which Tebow has built.

    Today, the NFL lost a glimmer of hope for its future. Today, Christianity suffered its biggest blow yet. Today, Peyton Manning revealed the darkened heart that beats inside of his AIDS-wrecked body (and neck).

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    About The Author
    Mark E. Figs Mark is an award-winning children's author, and Christian Conspiracy Theorist can be found on Facebook and Twitter -- (Mark E. Figs)

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