Santorum Displays Ball Glossing Skills, Warns Youngsters against Touching Pink Ones
Republican candidate, Rick Santorum brought a light-hearted sporty flavor to his campaign while showcasing his tournament ready bowling skills. Bowling is an all American sport of the middle class gentry. Unlike football, which has strong homosexual overtones and locker-room helmet touching, bowling is a man’s sport that combines balls, individual achievement and manly pects and biceps – things heartily endorsed by the strictly heterosexual Santorum campaign.
Watching Santorum bowl is like watching a professional prima ballerina at the top of her game. He prepares in silence, polishing the ball with his special success sauce until a whispered hot breath lightly clouds the glossy shine. He stands, like a gladiator against the sin of the world, looking to a future at the end of the lane.
A last moment of contemplation, he cradles the ball closely. Brow taught with concentration, he approaches the lane with purpose and power, releasing his faith and laser focus on the rigid pins down the lane. His arm extends in the throes of climax – the universal counterbalance of true professionals of the sport. His pinky finger of his balancing arm spasms in the rippling waves of American exceptionalism as the ball catches the bright flashes from photographers.
The erect pins, spent and satisfied, fall under his leadership. This is what true conservative American leadership looks like.
After his beautiful display, Santorum’s thoughts turn to our country’s future – the children. He soundly corrects a young bowling enthusiast, giving him a taste of the Rickles manly Santorum magic.
“You’re not gonna use the pink ball. We’re not gonna let you do that. Not on camera. Friends don’t let friends use pink bowling balls. – Rick Santorum, heterosexual Man and Republican Conservative Candidate for the Presidency”
Young men are always attracted to the sex and sin represented by pinks and feminine wiles of woman folk. As an advocate for abstinence, rejecting girl things as ‘yucky’ keeps a young man pure and free of nasty ideas like boinking or canoodling congenitals before marriage. Men should shun the female pink balls and embrace the manly musk of the Santorum polished balls.
Far too many of our young men like feminine things like girls and colored balls. Girls smell like flowers and pumpkin pie, scents one should never experience in a bowling alley. Girls are soft and have indulgent rounded breast things that will stare a man down with pinkish eyes and distract him from bowling properly. As a true athlete, Santorum gave good advice. By rejecting all things feminine, playing with balls and penis shaped pins he stands for strong conservative heterosexual values.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Blanche Beecham
"Blanche Beecham lends a soft, learned hand to the fourth estate with incite-full investigations on diverse topics such as Politics, Love, and Lifestyle. Her many years experience as a wife, mother, ladies book club president and financial auditor make her well suited to ferreting out the truth and giving it a sound shake." - Rev. Jackson Lee Whitebelley, Publisher and Editor of "The Incubator" - Follow me on Twitter! @BLANCHEBEECHAM
7:43 am
I love bowling and I agree with the senator that this needs to remain a manly, loving sport for families! Let’s keep the hardcore homosexual agenda out of this traditional AMerican world. God bless you Blanche!
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
3:57 pm
Has anyone else noticed how bowling as quietly gotten very expensive? I only go about twice a year, but last time we went it was about $30 a person.
I didn’t see any pink balls though. Good times….
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
4:15 pm
Last time I went it was way cheaper then that. Maybe it’s the area.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
4:31 pm
Pink balls are NOT normal here in Tennessee.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
0
10:00 pm
I’m just saying – I want those high heeled bowling shoes!
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
4:20 pm
Your logic makes no sense.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
1
4:21 pm
It doesn’t make sense to you because you’re too stupid to think. Period.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
1
4:30 pm
Every once in a while old Claire surfaces with a mouthful of logic, but not today. She’s erratic and emotional and so confused she doesn’t see her own confusion. Sometimes I get sick to my stomach considering the toxic mix of liberalism, hedonism and wrong-headed pet advice swimming around in that pretty little head of hers. Please stop hitting on her, it’s gross to the adults in the room.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
4:47 pm
You’re always thinking that we don’t have any logic, and it’s because you don’t bother to take five minutes to actually read what we have to say.
You stupid, moronic asshole.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
8:07 pm
The other day I was in a waiting room at the DMV and there were two guys there. One was studying to be a vet and he was getting questions from his cousin about her cat who was sick. He wanted to suggest some things, but was afraid since he wasn’t fully licensed that he’d be violating some law or something. The other guy and him kept arguing about it. Funny thing was they were both mid 40s and the older guy kept telling the younger vet student to call his mother and have his mother tell his cousin she can’t ask him pet advice over the internet or he’ll get in trouble at school… It went on for ever this conversation and I was stuck there listening to it all. This reminds me of you, Claire bear! Always quick with the advice and slow with the actual pedigree to give out that advice…
Praise or Condemn:
0 
1
8:15 pm
I accept your apology, Billings.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
8:31 pm
That joke is getting old, you nasty like mullah.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
1
8:46 pm
Well, you’re stupid enough to think that people apologize to you, nitwit.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
2
8:57 pm
So what are you up to tonight? I’m surprised you’re not out on the town with your “girlfriend” laughing out loud!
Praise or Condemn:
0 
1
9:02 pm
Why does the pedophile want to know what I’m doing? What business is it of his? What, are you jealous that someone actually has a girlfriend? Are you mad that you’re so ugly, repulsive, and black-hearted that not even your own imaginary girlfriend could stand you? It’s kinda sad when you can’t stand yourself.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
9:36 pm
I’m just trying to build some bridges and share with you guys! Stop shutting me out, I feel like you’re always discriminating against me and not letting me in the “cool kids” crowd. So I had three Clark bars and last night’s pizza leftovers at 4pm so no dinner tonight for me. Now I’m watching Dateline NBC about a man who killed his wife. Scary stuff! What about you Claire? Chatting on AOL? Watching some tv?
Praise or Condemn:
0 
1
9:40 pm
No one cares about you, Billings. You’re a pedophile, a liar, and a hypocrite. All you want to do is make other people look like terrible human beings, and yet you’re the one who doesn’t care when there’s actual injustice going on and is in favor of oppressing people and spreading your cult of hate.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
3
9:48 pm
Wow LN… that was simply mean. I don’t understand where all this hate is coming from. I have had problems with Claire, but at least she has the decency to approach me with respect and maybe even reverence. You could really learn from that girl.
Anyway, the dateline episode is winding up and I’m pretty sure the husband did it. Isnt that how it always happens? The husband is always the killer. If I was a detective, that would be my catch phrase! I was watching Law and Order today and there was that great Lenny Briscoe. i actually got a bit teary watching him. At the end he goes to a funeral of a war veteran and when the military music plays he puts his hand over his heart like a real true American. That sort of respect can’t be acted, it comes from the heart. Wow, just amazing. Have we heard from Claire yet? I wonder what she’s doing this weekend. Lots of sales at the clothing stores!
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
9:51 pm
L.N.
“No one cares about you, Billings. You’re a pedophile, a liar, and a hypocrite. All you want to do is make other people look like terrible human beings, and yet you’re the one who doesn’t care when there’s actual injustice going on and is in favor of oppressing people and spreading your cult of hate.”
I don’t think I have ever read anything so judgmental on this site. L.N. I have to praise you for not using swear words, but is this anyway to have an adult dialogue?
What I see in your posts are the rantings of lunatic, a madman, a treasonous boil on the arm pit of American values of freedom from religious persecution.
Just because Stephenson is filled with the spirit of love and redemption, must you bedevil him with your anxious nonsense and criminal accusations?
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
9:59 pm
“Wow LN… that was simply mean. I don’t understand where all this hate is coming from.”
Well, for starters, you’ve stated several times before that you wanted to kidnap me and throw me in your sick dungeon and do god-knows-what to me. There’s also the fact that you’ve admitted to seeing children naked in places that you’d have to seriously be TRYING to see them naked in the first place.
“Anyway, the dateline episode is winding up a”
No one cares about your pathetic life, you stupid old man. You lock yourself up in your room, finding new ways to hate people, and when you’re bored of that, you watch tv to help you find new things to hate.
“I don’t think I have ever read anything so judgmental on this site.”
Silence, Rib, or else taste the fires of Hell!
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
2:20 pm
“Abhor”! What a two dollar fancy Cambridge word! I guess you really are an East Coast elitist, little lady! Anyway, glad you checked in with us. LN was getting worried.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
2:29 pm
Billings, have you taken your medication today?
Praise or Condemn:
0 
2