Should Christians Join the National Blowjob Boycott?

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There is good news today for advocates of abstinence and moral decency. In a report issued by Esquire Magazine this month, it was revealed that female to male oral intercourse is falling out of fashion among America’s youths. Instead, many are opting to protect their purity and their health by saving themselves for marriage. This is an important indication of a widespread movement toward greater sexual responsibility among our young people. The change may very well be connected to the success of figures such as Rick Santorum and Michelle Bachmann in our contemporary society. Both political figures have made a strong case for intelligent, compassionate and ethically correct approaches to the human body, directly challenging the subversive trend of hardcore self-gratification and anal violation that had previously been “hot” fads in the coastal United States. Indeed, this national boycott of unwarranted sexual performances is an enterprise that America’s Christians should heartily embrace.

As this reporter has often noted, there is a dangerous connection between non-procreative forms of intimate elaboration and promiscuity, radical homosexuality, crime, abortion and rampant unwanted inner city pregnancies. Jesus Christ Himself taught that our bodies are the most beautiful temples to His spirit and it is the grave requirement of each of us to live decent and humble lives. Biblically, those lives should be free of divisive and frankly agonizing pursuits. Despite these facts, many liberal activists continue to agitate for disgusting forms of corporeal humiliation, including fellatio, which is parochially known as “the blowjob.”

“The blowjob“ can trace its popularity to the homosexual lifestyle where it is performed with shocking regularity. Studies have shown that the average gay man between the ages of 20 and 45 receives up to five acts of “blowjob” fellatio per day. These are often done in group settings such as orgies, or, as another important news story revealed, at highway truck stops. As homosexuality has become more visible in our conflicted times, so has this subculture’s reckless acts of ejaculation.

What many will find fascinating about Esquire’s recent report, penned by the athletic and buoyant British scholar Geoff Dyer, is that some are so offended by the “blowjob” that they are choosing to give females oral vaginal stimulation instead. This desperate last act of avoidance genuinely shows how ridiculous fellatio has become in contemporary society. Dyer, one of England’s most cherished award-winning intellectuals, long ago earned a reputation for his honesty and integrity, even delving into such foul topics as yoga and the French. In his novel, Paris Trance, he explores the ramifications of widespread Gallic promiscuity, from how it can destroy one’s personal faith to how it portends the failure of Europe as a bastion of clarity and Christian intellectualism.

In any scientific context, “the blowjob” will strike one as absurd and unnecessary. It involves a surreal focus on the environment of the male pelvis. A woman (or in the case of a gay rendez vous, another male) will need to position herself in her partner’s belly area firmly, with knees planted on the floor or crouching uncomfortably with the support of a nearby wall. There she will grab the penis with a vice-like grip, squeezing it to a harsh purple hue. Once the blood has adequately risen in the young man, the stroking begins. It starts off slow but inevitably becomes quite rapid and the young man will brush his dainty, feathered hair back with a command to proceed with greater velocity. Spit will then be used to lubricate the action. From there, the oral docking begins. The mouth rises and falls upon the hardened male shaft until the unfortunate and effluvient finale. An important investigation of male penile habits recently stated, “It is far too easy for a female to arouse her husband’s genital organ with her mouth and this often mistakenly results in a throat full of warm male sperm– a truly unpleasant experience for all those involved.”

The blowjob is not without its leftwing propagandists, most notably the terrifyingly perverse Hugo Schwyzer. The gender-bending Schwyzer, who has spent decades writing books that harass American manhood, penned a truly X-rated column for the arch-feminist website Jezebel.com this week. In it, he raved erratically against Mr. Dyer’s scientific method before collapsing into a pool of his own personal experience with “the blowjob”. Clearly the man has a profound personal bias in favor of this horrendous and outdated sexual act that he was reluctant to admit. In professional journalism, it is expected that one notes any allegiance, compensation or otherwise personal connection that a reporter has to the subject he is writing about. In this case, clearly the editors and lawyers at Jezebel (and the conscience or Mr. Schwyzer) gave this journalist a pass.

About The Author
Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Facebook me here or Fanmail me: StephensonBillings@yahoo.com !