Should the Oil Companies Raise Gas Prices, So We Can Blame it All on Obama?
Retired captain of crude, Lee Raymond, looks on with a confident smile and powerful jowel earned by years of great profit and reaping the benefits. It's men like our retired friend Mr. Raymond and all us other oil ilk who hold the key to getting Obama out of office in 2012.
With Barack Hussein Obama still commanding a strong following throughout liberal and swing-vote America, we must do all we can to ensure more American people are upset with him.
The best way to secure the vote of the loony left is quite simple: we either fearmonger, or we hit them in their wallets. Since we are not in the business of telling lies and sensationalist stories in our news, the radical left-wing media habit of blowing everything out of proporation to scare up votes is not an option.
But we can play hardball and we can endure a season of high gas prices, then blame it all on Obama.
The leaders of the Big 5 oil companies are all tied in with the GOP. We’re in the buddy-buddy system. Several of our fellows here at ChristWire — myself included — sit on-board with these companies. They are comprised of largely Christian folks with our moral fibers and understand the importance of getting Mr. Green Energy, Kyoto apologetic, refuse to drill and dish American oil, Obama out of our White House in 2012.
The plan is quite simple. We raise gas prices to over $6.00 or even $7.00 a gallon. In some select cities where us wealthier people can easily afford it and keep the economy greased, we can raise the prices to over $10.00 a gallon.
While we do this, we simply have to start harassing shipments of oil from OPEC nations, making oil barrels more scarce and blaming the scarcity of oil on strained mideast relations. If we strike a deal with Israel, France and the UK, all nations who want war with Iran, we can pull this off.
We simply tell them to instigate and intimidate the OPEC nations, making them cut back on oil shipments. We do a bit of voodoo math and make it seem like the oil barrels are actually short and rising in price. In reality, all gouging we can do from our offices and meetings here in the states and abroad. Oil is such complex industry that news analysts and the public will not understand it’s not actually Obama’s fault and oil barrels don’t directly affect price at the pump, but it’s all just us ‘tinkering’ a bit with prices.
It’s nothing new and this confessional is not going to help any tattle-tale whistleblowing alarmists. I’ll simply mince words and say it was a misunderstanding. My grandfather orchestrated a similar scenario to get Jimmy Carter out of office. By the time we were finished blaming Carter with the ‘oil crisis’ and the economy, he had no way possible to get reelected. Sound similar?
Three of our handsome oil captains looked sternly upon Congress the last time they were called in, and were quickly released from questioning. Cry-baby liberals like Jon Stewart was upset that we did not have our feet ‘held to the fire’ and democrats were not allowed to harass these God-fearing men over alleged ‘price-gouging’. And yes, we did gouge prices, but that’s our right as American capitalists. You don’t have to buy our gas, but you will. And we can change the price for whatever purpose needed. Deal with it. And remember, Obama is to blame.
Here are the democrats being denied a chance to bring us ‘under fire’. Vice President Dick Cheney took care of that.
But now, it’s time for us to organize and use our true power. We must raise the gas prices and blame it all on Obama. People will blame the president for anything economy related, so let’s do that. At the same time, we can use our army and political to bottle up OPEC shipments to make oil more scarce. We then draw a correlation between the two and we have a winning ticket for helping get Obama out of the White House.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Chuck Reagan
Bringing back morality one kneecap at a time.
2:10 pm
at $10.00 a gallon, It will be a luxury for me to drive to the store for groceries. I can barely afford my animation equipment! let alone food and gas. looks like I’d better invest in magnetic generators and power my transportation with the awesomeness of electromagnetism.
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2:13 pm
An enlightening and well researched story Mr. Reagan. I believe yours in certainly a doable ruse that promises much success. We must get this Godless Muslim out of the White House before he gives our land away to the Iranians.
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3:11 pm
They are private companies and have every right to make a profit. This is NOT communist Russia where the Czar gets to decide what prices people play. The beauty of capitalism is that if one of these businesses raises prices, the others can drop theirs to get customers. That’s how AMerica works!!!!
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3:14 pm
Then you go and bitch whenever someone raises prices and you blame Obama.
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8:06 pm
That’s all chrstaians can do is blame someone else.
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3:22 pm
You don’t the first thing about basic economics. If Obama allowed TRUE competition, prices would go lower. The problem with socialized medicine and higher taxes to fund liberals on welfare, is that it’s literally become too expensive for factories and banks to operate. That is why our prices are high. Also, when Obama meddles with the private workings of companies, it also raises prices. Under communsims that set the price for a loaf of bread, but that’s basically all the stores sold. Did you ever see the long long lines in front of Stores in Moscow? That’s the world your commie buddies like Obama dream of, you freak.
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3:23 pm
This is a reply to “LN”, the commenter who made the rude, juvenile and bigoted comment previously.
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3:35 pm
How is it Obama’s fault that ‘true’ competition doesn’t exist? You DO realize that there isn’t one company that owns all the oil in the US, right? If your statement was to be correct, then there would be a monopoly and you’d be bitching about something else.
“The problem with socialized medicine and higher taxes to fund liberals on welfare, is that it’s literally become too expensive for factories and banks to operate. That is why our prices are high.”
You clearly don’t know the first thing about the economy, nor the fact that this country was in a WORSE position during Bush’s reign of terror. You’re literally blaming Obama for things he has absolutely no control in, and you’re supporting the idea that companies raise their prices to ungodly amounts JUST so you can further blame Obama for THE COMPANIES’ decisions. You don’t care about facts, you just want to yell out “COMMUNISM, SOCIALISM, OBAMA, BAD!” like the retarded moron you are, because your brain can’t handle complicated facts like reality.
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9:49 pm
It’s all Barry’s fault. He bailed out companies, is trying to destroy the health insurance industry and is being a socialist. Just like Stephenson said, he’s anti-capitalist. Obama is a Trotsky red bastard, just like FDR.
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1:12 pm
adam clearly don,t know how his country work anymore
I will explain to Him for the last time if his brain is closed than he is an imbecile
health Insurance company : ask you to paid 1000$ per month ( sometime more ) For insurance and sometime you are not even insured for what you have
Biggest problem it’s take time to see a doctor because he need to go through the insurance company, also You have hospital bill depending how long you have been here its can range from 100 to 20 000 if not more
let’s take exemple of any “socialized or national” healthcare : we paid it with our tax that are not necessarily Higher ( actually since USA is 300 000 000 it’s will benefit you more )
many of the american can’t even afford insurance or even the Hospital bills for the matter ( roughly 30-40%) and I don,t even talk about Minorities I talk about your average american who works their ass off because your stupid insurance company just Love to increase their price for the shit they give
economy
2 wars yet you call it Obama’s war you even called him the war mongerer when actually he followed his predecessor footsteps, good thing he withdraw many troops from Iraq and afghanistan
too much money spent on defense system yet it’s took you 10 wars to conquer middle east ( wlel you are not even conquering it yet ) and don,t come saying : because we can’t use nukes) you will simply destroy the planet faster and don,t come saying : we can’t use neutron bomb, want people use neutron Bomb on USA ? oh and don,t come saying Geneva convention is bullshit also because without them and NATO and UN you will be a piece of shit, your “first strike status” will be revoked and super power as well
should I continue ?
okay I continue Electing another republican will make the world hating you more and you will Lose allies Much more allies than you never thought, and Nuking them bad idea
so if I were you Mister Adam you should Inform yourself I don’t think Jesus or the christian God would wnat you to make Mass Genocide of the Human race ( that you so loves want to do
Oil
You have enough Oil under your own american soil to use but you are too stupid to dirll for it you need other countries to do it for you
and No august you won’t get alberta you will never get it
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7:35 pm
A few years ago I had a 5000 gal fuel tank put in on my property. I top it off only when gas prices are low and I write it off as a business expense (good tip for you young people). So I don’t care if prices get so high. At ten dollars a gallon you will see less women driving and minority drive-byes.
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7:39 pm
You misspelled ‘alcohol’ there, August.
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9:09 pm
what we need is a plan. I’m gonna need four feet of string, seven coca-cola bottles, a cinder block, two paper clips, and a chocolate fountain.
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9:23 pm
You forgot a chair, a spring-loaded catapult, and thirty-two pigeons.
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1:08 pm
I’ve gotten everything you guys needed! Except the chocolate fountain and I could only catch thirty one pigeons…Are we still good to go?
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12:40 pm
I didn’t know a pig could wear a suit! Ma nigga.. IS HE INBRED? WTF
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10:52 pm
Well, you just tipped everyone off on your little plan… so much for that.
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