• Should the Oil Companies Raise Gas Prices, So We Can Blame it All on Obama?

    March 25, 2012 12:53 pm 17 comments

    Retired captain of crude, Lee Raymond, looks on with a confident smile and powerful jowel earned by years of great profit and reaping the benefits. It's men like our retired friend Mr. Raymond and all us other oil ilk who hold the key to getting Obama out of office in 2012.

    With Barack Hussein Obama still commanding a strong following throughout liberal and swing-vote America, we must do all we can to ensure more American people are upset with him.

    The best way to secure the vote of the loony left is quite simple: we either fearmonger, or we hit them in their wallets. Since we are not in the business of telling lies and sensationalist stories in our news, the radical left-wing media habit of blowing everything out of proporation to scare up votes is not an option.

    But we can play hardball and we can endure a season of high gas prices, then blame it all on Obama.

    The leaders of the Big 5 oil companies are all tied in with the GOP. We’re in the buddy-buddy system. Several of our fellows here at ChristWire — myself included — sit on-board with these companies. They are comprised of largely Christian folks with our moral fibers and understand the importance of getting Mr. Green Energy, Kyoto apologetic, refuse to drill and dish American oil, Obama out of our White House in 2012.

    The plan is quite simple. We raise gas prices to over $6.00 or even $7.00 a gallon. In some select cities where us wealthier people can easily afford it and keep the economy greased, we can raise the prices to over $10.00 a gallon.

    While we do this, we simply have to start harassing shipments of oil from OPEC nations, making oil barrels more scarce and blaming the scarcity of oil on strained mideast relations. If we strike a deal with Israel, France and the UK, all nations who want war with Iran, we can pull this off.

    We simply tell them to instigate and intimidate the OPEC nations, making them cut back on oil shipments. We do a bit of voodoo math and make it seem like the oil barrels are actually short and rising in price. In reality, all gouging we can do from our offices and meetings here in the states and abroad. Oil is such complex industry that news analysts and the public will not understand it’s not actually Obama’s fault and oil barrels don’t directly affect price at the pump, but it’s all just us ‘tinkering’ a bit with prices.

    It’s nothing new and this confessional is not going to help any tattle-tale whistleblowing alarmists.  I’ll simply mince words and say it was a misunderstanding.  My grandfather orchestrated a similar scenario to get Jimmy Carter out of office. By the time we were finished blaming Carter with the ‘oil crisis’ and the economy, he had no way possible to get reelected. Sound similar?

    Three of our handsome oil captains looked sternly upon Congress the last time they were called in, and were quickly released from questioning.  Cry-baby liberals like Jon Stewart was upset that we did not have our feet ‘held to the fire’ and democrats were not allowed to harass these God-fearing men over alleged ‘price-gouging’.  And yes, we did gouge prices, but that’s our right as American capitalists.  You don’t have to buy our gas, but you will.  And we can change the price for whatever purpose needed.  Deal with it.  And remember, Obama is to blame.

    Here are the democrats being denied a chance to bring us ‘under fire’. Vice President Dick Cheney took care of that.

    But now, it’s time for us to organize and use our true power. We must raise the gas prices and blame it all on Obama. People will blame the president for anything economy related, so let’s do that. At the same time, we can use our army and political to bottle up OPEC shipments to make oil more scarce. We then draw a correlation between the two and we have a winning ticket for helping get Obama out of the White House.

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    About The Author
    Chuck Reagan Bringing back morality one kneecap at a time.

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