• The Top Five Rock ‘N Roll Bands That Want To Steal Your Soul

    March 24, 2012 1:33 pm 33 comments
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    By Mark E. Figs


    Rock ‘n Roll is a secular form of music that has been warped into a messenger of Satan. Where Bill Haley and the Comets and Buddy Holly once sang innocent songs of opposite-sex relationships, new school artists such as Mumford and The Sons and Cage The Elephants have promoted a blend of unprotected sex, friendliness with gays and irresponsible gun ownership. Today I will be profiling the top five groups that seek to rape our youth and destroy our families.

    5. Radiohead —

    Bringing the traditional Occultism that is associated with British culture into the United States is an easy task for this decades old rock ‘n roll outfit.  Radiohead has influenced thousands of young, Christian college students into forsaking God’s message in order to get addicted to “marijuana.”

    In addition, the band’s albums and merchandise is full of Satanic imagery — the concept album “OK Computer” is about man’s reluctance to stop the influence of technology and pornography on society, and instead turn to drugs, thus becoming a “Paranoid Android.”


    (Fresh of an injection of “Mexican Botox”, or “Heroin”)

    Frontman Thom Yorke’s eye has become lazy due to years of injecting heroin into his face (hence the name “Radiohead”). This band preaches lax moral values and encourages our youth to “think for themselves” — an ironic message coming from a group of non-citizens who rely on illicit drug use in order to create music.

    Even guitarist Jonny Greenwood has used his satanic influence to taint other mediums of entertainment; he composed the score for “Their Will Be Blood”, a film that mocks the holiness and sanctity of religion and strong family values.

     Stay away from this band if you love Jesus.

    4. The Arcade Fire —

    (The Arcade Fire, moments after being informed that they have heterosexual fans)

    A band that released an album mocking Christianity, 2007’s “Neon Bible” was an album that likened believers of Christ to flamboyant homosexuals and crime-comitting gays.

    While this band should of been banned from the United States after releasing such a vile message of hatred, they instead went on to bask in the embrace of the secular mainstream, even winning a Grammy last year.

    The victory proves that Christianity is constantly under attack and that slandering its name will not be met with punishment and condemnation, but rather accolades and praise.

    The album in question is entitled “The Suburbs” and contains songs attacking God, promoting promiscuity and drug use and encouraging children to drop out of school and “speak in tongues.”

    This is one fire I won’t be using for warmth.

    3. Bruce Springsteen —

    (Bruce in the midst of his public battle with constipation due to years of freebasing cocaine)

    Bruce, or “The Boss” is 76 years old, but that doesn’t deter him from spreading his far-left socialist agenda through his “timeless” music.

    Mockingly adorned in patriotic garb (often times Bruce will perform completly nude, sans an American flag draped over his geriatric shoulders) this man claims to identify with the working class of America — a class full of welfare-abusing, drug-using Hispanics and blacks.

    Bruce has become quite outspoken as he slips into irrelevancy (and dementia) and in the past few years has made disgusting claims, such as supporting Barack Obama and apologizing for America’s behavior in the world theatre.  While it’s unknown whether or not his fanbase truly supports him, or if they listen to him in an ironic way ( As gay homosexual hipsters often do) it is for certain that lending a willing ear to this man’s deranged rants will only blacken your heart.

    2. The Black Keys —

    (“We smoke marijuana pot and vote for liberal Democrats”)

    Named after a sacred book in the Church of Satan that details the necessary evil deeds needed to “rule in Hell”, this satanic duo has emerged from the rust-covered Babylon that is Ohio, to spread their unique gospel of drug use and violence to the masses.

    Their hit single “Tighten Up” depicts a man tying and suffocating a lover up until she can no longer breathe; a graphic description of drug-induced frenzy and murder. In addition, they have been gaining nationwide exposure, selling out concert arenas and appearing on the cover of “Rolling Stone”, a far-left, liberal magazine dedicated to hooking youths on marijuana and Barack Obama.

    Their newest album, “El Camino” is named after a Mexican drug lord who declared a war on the United States in 1972. Literally translated, “El Camino” means “The Shark” — an apt name for a ruthless duo of violent, drug promoting, Blues-playing cretins.

    1. Justin Bieber —

    (A beacon of homosexuality; on the prowl for other fellow “Twinks”)

    Justin Bieber is undoubtedly the most evil man in Rock ‘N Roll today. He is an androgynous “twink boi” engineered by negro performer Usher Raymond to effeminate strong-jawed, masculine males and drive woman into a wanton frenzy for “metrosexual” men.

    None of this would be possible without Usher Raymond, and thus he deserves a portion of the blame for unleashing this sexually-ambiguous performer unto the world. (Usher recently released a song entitled “Climax” which describes, in detail, a night of passionate gay intercourse)

    Bieber has a legion of mentally unstable fans who go so far as to carve his name into their bodies, a practice unseen since satanic metal band “Slayer” ruled the charts. In addition, his merchandise often costs outlandish prices, causing families to default on their mortgages just to buy a sweat shirt or pair of Bieber-brand sweat pants.

    It is without hesitation that I crown Bieber with the title of “Evilest ‘Man’ in Rock ‘N Roll.”

    His irresponsible use of his boyish good looks, combined with his charm has made this “man” into a modern day Pied-Piper, leading our children into a world of gay sex and hatred for their parents.

    I hope this article has opened your eyes unto the evil that has manifested in this world. Secular Rock bands want nothing more than to make plaster casts of the male penis and get young girls hooked on drugs and rampant sex. Continuing to listen to these bands will turn young boys into boys who date cross-dressers. These secular mainstream bands will corrupt the strong Christian foundation that valiant warriors such as Rick Santorum have worked so hard to build.




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    About The Author
    Mark E. Figs Mark is an award-winning children's author, and Christian Conspiracy Theorist can be found on Facebook and Twitter -- (Mark E. Figs)

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