Macon, GA – Area doctors are reporting that former golf superstar Tiger Woods is still in God’s hotseat. Sometime yesterday while at a driving range, locals report they saw a ‘brilliant’ flash of light descend from the heavens and toward a green turf from where Tiger Woods was belting out 400 yard drives.
“It was amazing,” said golfing pro Louey Felton. “It was like the guy made a deal with the devil, could have sworn he hit one that may have gone 666 feet!”
Felton continued, “So he’s knocking out these massive shots and then boom, a bright flash of light, a weird voice — like Gandalf loudly yelling for his grandkids to come in for supper — and then Tiger Woods is begging and holding his ankle.”
Other local reports from individuals at the scene match the story of Feltons. A chaplain at Macon Memorial Hospital states that Woods’ ankle injury had a ‘divine mark’ on it that’s known in the medical community as the judgmental angel’s touch. With but a touch of a finger, angels have been known to cause immediate injury to humans.
Pope Benedict and notorious singer Andy Biersack have been two noteworthy individuals who have received a divine injury within the last two years. The Pope received his injury when he considered calling homosexuality normal, forcing God to send two angels to break his arms and demand an apology from the pope.