Two Hurtling Asteroids Give Earth a Close Shave, Gays Trying to Destroy NOM To Blame (Asteroid FP 35 and Asteroid FS 35)
God is heated up and furious again, my friends. Baseball season is not even here yet but God’s spitting out fastballs so fast and furious, that not even a steroid-toking Sammy Sosa could lay his Cuban flesh bat on the pitch!
There is nothting more rotten to the nose of God than the smell of festering gayality, for it is WRITTEN:
Isaiah 65:5 – Yet they say to each other, ‘Don’t come too close or you will defile me! I am holier than you!’ These people are a stench in my nostrils, an acrid smell that never goes away.
God is taking about the gays and their holier-than-thou liberal allies! They think they have the right to say I have no right to demand NO GAY MARRIAGE! If Bill Maher calls Sarah Palin a conche, they praise his name! But let good Rush Limbaugh call a flussy a slut, and they try to take away his first amendment rights!
Their must be nothing mustier to God’s nose than a self-righteous, gay marriage supporting democrat. Just think, God took all the time to create the world, so perfecly. He created within men the homonculous of life, to give rise to a child once incubated by a woman!
But we defile humanity!
Men slosh their DNAs together in bacterial laden intestinal sins, committing ham-fisted genocide while women dangle their sallies all over the place, rubbing their jezebel juice together until they squeal in Satanic release. If you were God, why would you not be so angry with your creation that you just create a giant asteroid and end it all!
Space.com reports via NASA’s Asteroid Watch program that two meteors fantastically appeared in the night sky! They were only 50 miles away from Earth. If you looked up to the sky last night, you saw two bright red lights flying overhead. That was the tail pitch of God’s double fast ball.
One of the asteroid meteors buzzed by at 1:09 am EDT. Scientists estimate it was travelling a meager 6.34 x 10^35th power. That was just God yawnking, casually flicking the asteroid toward us to give warning. The Scientists named this one FP 35 (fast pitch 35, as they new only God could sling a meteor that hard and fast).
The first asteroid knocked out several of ATTs satellites by its velocity alone! If you have an ATT cell phone and lost coverage, know God was dialing you up a warning to write your Senator and block gay marriage!
The next asteroid, FS 35 (fast slider 35) was the size of Rhode Island and dashed the upper atmosphere of Earth, putting a hole in the Ozone right above New York City (Sodomy Megalopolis) and West Hollywood, California! Now, you there will sizzle with ultra-violet sins! But you little pink tutu fluorescent spritzed martinia gays probably like that, don’t you! More visits to the proctologist! Fun times, you think!?
Mark my words, gays. These asteroids are getting closer and closer! God is now using these asteroids to skim the atmosphere of Earth and give you a direct taste of the Sun’s sizzling heat! You may think body sores and tan ugly skin like a Malibu seaman may be bad, but mark my words, the Sun’s heat is an Artic joke next to the blazing furnace Beelzebub and Ba’al have set for you in hell!
The smell of heaven is that of fresh lilacs and love. There is no room for fecal jousting and inert bum oils there, you sick perverts of sodom. These space rocks will soon fall down upon us all, so gays, relent. If you want us to believe you are not mean, bigoted and digusting people, accept my words: we must unlegalize gay marriage.
Don’t say I’m racist, I just want a happy future for Earth.