What is One Direction, And Why Does It Make God Mad?
In the past while, we’ve seen young American ladies begin to embrace a new harlotry, a dangerous side to themselves. Everyone from Mikey Cyrus to that birth control abuser in the news, Sandra Fluke, has gained an unhealthy level of sexual rage. They may find themselves flailing in the sight of young, attractive men, or embracing an erotic edge in the clothing they wear. While we may blame this on the current sexual revolution that has been occurring in America since the 60s, I’d go even further with who I’d credit.
In 2008, in a conspiracy to promote an anti-American agenda, Barack Hussein Obama became president of the United States. Because of this radical move, people from outside of the US embraced America and American pop culture, and soon decided that they would start trying to make it big in America. Annoying, peppy, insecurely white youth began watching anime and listening to “K-pop”, celebrating the orient. Non-conformists began listening to Canadian “indie” music and unAmerican shows like Degrassi decided to spread their agenda to the US. People began outright shunning American food for bizarre foreign food. French films like The Artist and every other pretentious film in history became fads among American film enthusiasts. This rise in support for multiculturalism ultimately culminated in one boy band: One Direction.
When little girls decided that Bieber was too Canadian and too much of an individual, they rallied silently for some sort of musical savior. Of course, these are not the kind of reasonable young ladies who would find solace in Jesus, but the type of ladies who want a delicate-looking androgynous youngster to help them with their lady problems and to make them feel secure. In comes British media tycoon, Simon Cowell, who decides to profit off of female lunacy, and engineers five young men to start a boy band, One Direction. These boys have extremely British names-Harry, Louis, Liam, Niles and Zane, and each is a specimen of pure, unadulterated female fuel. Unfortunately for us, the power of One Direction may be getting too strong.
To the untrained male eye, these boys look merely like extremely attractive young children. But the slender physiques, the effete faces and the friendly expressions appeal immensely to its female fanbase. After all, the only thing these young ladies are looking for is someone to relate to, to discuss menstrual cycles with, to have dance parties and go shopping with. The pure benign looks that compose this group manipulate women into becoming something far worse, and despite the supposed innocence involved with a preoccupation with this group, there are frightening dangers involved. One Direction’s fans are called “Directioners”, because they’re all female and thus missed the opportunity to call themselves the “erections”. They are extremely rampant on the pornographic site Tumblr, and they like to send me messages about their fetishization of this group. The thing about Directioners is that they seem to think that everyone else belongs to their little cult, and if they don’t, then it is clearly mandatory to shove their love for these five twinks down my throat, ignoring the First Amendment in the process.
Because all of the members of the group are British or Irish, I, as an American and as a patriot, feel quite threatened. Why do we allow dirty Europeans to hijack our culture? It simply is wrong. I remember the days back when America ruled, and culture was ours to steal. All of the other nations were adopting American customs, and this was taken to its greatest point when Ronald Reagan, legendary American president and hero, destroyed the iron curtain single-handedly, and making the entirety of America proud to be on top. Of course, England is now butthurt that its sovereignty was slayed by Jesus in the revolutionary war, and has been trying to take revenge for the past while. One Direction may be its most vicious attack so far.
One Direction are like human cats. Cats are the vilest, most despicable scum in the animal world, which is really quite sad considering just how vindictive their ruling has been for the past eternity. One Direction is trying to claim America’s greatness, and is using its army as a weapon. Through slash fanfiction and titillating homoerotic behavior, One Direction is trying to destroy the one thing that makes America better than every other country on earth: Traditional marriage. While those wacky Europeans are off getting gay married, Americans are raising healthy, Christian families. As young ladies are becoming more and more infatuated with One Direction, they destroy the essential fabric of America.
One Direction has no place in the Christian home and may lead to radical, cultist behavior within your daughter or confused son. Though their music may seem innocuous and empowering, it is very unhealthy and destructive, and if it continues, will steamroll over all of the principles God gave us in the Constitution. Your children should be sheltered from the alluring dazzle of their looks, and please ensure your wife as well understands how to conduct herself in the potential presence of this national threat. We must destroy the effect of One Direction before the opposite happens.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Christopher Christenson
Republican, American, Christian, Man, Carnivore, White, Hero, Genius, Brave. All words that adequately describe Christopher Christenson. At the ripe young age of 28, Christopher has been writing for Christwire for quite a while, when he isn't warding off the North Koreans from attacking or mentoring youth at his church. Because of his young age, he is able to connect with the young people whilst still charming our beloved elderly. Christopher is fascinated by the grotesque trends among youth and will stop at nothing to investigate. You can contact him on his website.
2:07 pm
I will spread the word of this homogay filth to all families in my parish. Thank you Brother CC!
Hot debate. What do you think?
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7:11 am
And all the little hellions will continue to receive HEAD from your slut daughter!!
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7:30 am
Auggie…You will spread KY on your shit pipe and invite all comers (Get the pun?) to make a big deposit!!
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2:59 pm
TV’s decline began when the CBC allowed the Kids in the Hall to air. One of those boys admitted he was gay.
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3:49 pm
It seems our children are as predictably stupid as ever. There is a handbook on making these “boy bands” out there somewhere and certainly Simon Cowell has written it. What bothers me is that they’re so aggressively selling sexual rebellion and alcohol to minors, particularly young girls who are not intelligent enough to know better. If more parents knew about this filth, they’d put their foot down and boycott it in our homes.
Thank you for writing such an informative and well-written article. It was a fascinating read, particularly the parts about their European heritage and French-sounding names. I will certainly talk to my friends about this music group and let them know it’s bad for kids!
Hot debate. What do you think?
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11:38 pm
Oh wow. I find it ironic (actually it’s a coincidence)that this comment was left on March 13 (AKA Directioner Day as it was the release date of Up All Night in the US.) But anyways. You are all ignorant and this was NOT a well written article. 1. It’s MILEY Cyrus not Mikey. 2. It’s NIALL not Niles. 3. It’s ZAYN not Zane. 4. NIALL is Irish. So before writing a ridiculous article like this, at least try to have some of the names correct.
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11:42 pm
i completly agree! this guy barley knows who 1D is! first of all, they are not trying to “invade our american culture”they were simly on a mere signging competion and released an album that the us lliked and accepted . this guy is a complete idiot who doesnt even know who miley cyrus is
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5:21 pm
Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me. You have got to be the most narrow- minded person I’ve ever had the displeasure to read. First off, god isn’t even real so your a dumbass for believing him. Second off what the hell do you have against cats? THEY’RE FUCKING ANIMALS. Excuse me that there not dipped in goats blood or whatever the fuck you dumbasses do, but it’s an animal. Second of, you must be women hating cunt bags that think all women should do is have kids like a motherfucker and cook food for you. Thirdly, you must be more stupid then I thought because you clearly don’t know what the first amendment is, and that’s FREEDOM OF SPEECH. If your saying, and I quote”The thing about Directioners is that they seem to think that everyone else belongs to their little cult, and if they don’t, then it is clearly mandatory to shove their love for these five twinks down my throat, ignoring the First Amendment in the process.” this clearly doesn’t make sense. I can go on and I would just LOVE to but I won’t because I think I got my point across
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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5:54 pm
I don’t think you’ve made a point at all. All I see is frustrated incoherence.
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2:36 am
You’re an imbecile. Why are you even on this website? You can’t seem to form a comprehensible idea, let alone a decent sentence. Please save your hyperbole for the next sodomy discussion your friends have on Facebook. We really don’t want to hear this sort of stupidity around here.
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6:12 am
well I’ve been looking around this website, and it is completley laughable. and your dumbass seems to be right up there with that cunt bag blanche or whater the fuck her name is.
-shits and giggles,
Lucifina
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8:32 am
You’re the one that’s laughable. Not to mention angry, hateful and incoherent.
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8:13 am
I stopped reading at “Second of…” I think my eye may have started bleeding if I continued to try to garner some sort of cognitive thought out of that garbled mess.
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7:25 am
Stewie…Go out to the chicken coop and fuck Foghorn Leghorn in the ass!!
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7:21 pm
Uh actually I’m not sexually frustrated unlike you narrow minded Christians who pretend to hate gays even though they are the gayest of them all.
hope I made you less of a prude
- shots and giggles,
Lucifina
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9:52 pm
The liberal media loves to degrade our defenses by pushing innocent looking kids on us. What we fail to see is that they’re basically selling us on the idea of promiscuity. Sex does sell but do we really know what the ultimate costs are to our society? The long-nosed Hollywood types pull this scheme on the American public again and again.
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7:21 am
Christwire exists for shock effect which brings hits to the website, thus revenue from ads…..I exist to fuck with all morons who still believe in the almighty INVISIBLE SPACE DADDY……SILLY FUCKING CHRISTIANS, JEWS, MUSLIMS, ETC.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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9:17 am
In the USA, you have the right to make a jackass of yourself with silly statements but I hope you understand that your hatred would subject you to capital punishment in lessor countries. Take the Middle Eastern sand nations. You would become beheaded.
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7:27 am
C Cocksuckers
H Having
R Rear
I Induction
S Sex
T Together
W While
I Intestinal
R Residue
E Erupts
Fuck you Uncle Pig PEN!!
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3:17 am
One direction is good music and god is on my side because the bible did said accept people for who they are or how they are and you get domrthing in return. CATS DOES NOTHING TO US!
does it looks they hurt us or make god angry and CATS WERE PART OF HISTORY!
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7:56 am
I’m a Christwire virgin and although at first I thought WTF, I quickly found this entire site amazingly funny!!!!
“Erections”
hahahahaha
awesome
to everybody who is taking this shit seriously, please guys, pull out the vibro from your anus and get a sense of humour. this stuff is gold!
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10:07 am
Just watch this and laugh!
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11:13 am
They are gay bitch and I loooove them.
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6:32 pm
Cats are cats. Television shows are television shows. Music is music. People can do whatever they want, God forgives them. And you can’t even spell their names right, and there’s NO SUCH THING AS AN “Extremely British” name. They’re British. So what, are you gonna sue them!?! God loves all people, and this is coming from a Christian. They are just five innocent young men who just want to do what they do, which is sing. If you have a problem with that, you can just go take this crap and feed it to someone who cares. Everyone is human, and so what if they;re different from what you like? People are their individual selves, and you just need to accept that. This stuff is some crazy ass shit. God is not angry with One Direction. They’re just singers who perform. Now you’re actually preying on animals? What kind of pitiful shit creators are you? This better be humorous, because this is all shit. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was run by Satan himself.
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11:45 pm
So I can’t figure out whether or not this site is legit or just making crap up to be funny. I’m a Christian and a Directioner for ever. I’m going to marry Niall. I’m going to the concert in a month. I don’t actually like cats all that much but I do like the ones who like to cuddle and purr. And the silly internet cats who play the piano. Liam is going to be my bestfriend and all of the boys and their spouses will be the godparents to my children.
Niall= special snowflake, Nialler, Niallator, Baby Nando’s
Harry= Hazza Stazza, Curly
Zayn= Bradford Bad Boy
Liam= Daddy Directioner
Louis= Lou, The Tomo, Tomlinator, The Host, Boobear,
Niall+Liam=Niam
Louis+Harry=Larry
Zayn+ His mirror
“NO JIMMY PROTESTED!”
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7:16 am
Christopher, I command you to stop being such a narrow-minded satanist.
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9:09 am
Is this guy serious? Really? Your life is so pathetic that he has to go pick on poor European teenagers? This is the most poorly written and least thought out article ever and that’s being polite. I go to church and believe In god butreally are you Saying I’m Going to hell for liking one direction and god hates his own creation? Lastly I’m a female. I don’t know what bible or constitution you’re reading but it says all people are equal! What? Is this a socking concept for your small male mind? I’m sorry but women are
Not your slaves to have your children and make you food. People like one direction because it’s good clean pop music that just happens to be sung by five attractive males. Anyone who actually believes this guy or agrees with him is as much as scum as the writer is.
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1:44 am
Hello ‘Der. Well, I’m a Christian Directioner and this is a load of bull. I’m pretty sure God LOVES yes loves EVERYONE INCLUDING ONE DIRECTION! I actually wanted to cry because your giving Christianity a flipping bad name. On one of your other rants about One Direction luring girls to their tour bus doesn’t even make sense. 2 of them have girlfriends, Niall is hella shy around girls, Zayn just wouldn’t and Harry well I’m not gonna lie there are rumours he does sleep with randoms but not freaking 12 year olds. Also their not gay. i wish the whole world could just that prejudice out of their minds. I love One Direction and I’m a girl and I’m 12. Yes 12. Stop hating on them your giving Christians and ultimately God. SO SHUT THE HELL UP!
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11:03 am
Oh, ignorant, hilarious ChristWire. You too deserve to be told that you’re beautiful by One Direction. Unfortunately, you’re so misguided that you’ll never have the chance. Oh well, more for us. If you want to spread your ignorant, bigoted conservative “Christ-like” hatred (because, you know, Christ obviously practiced the art of writing articles about sinners) you can, just know that the only people that believe you are also stupid.
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9:30 pm
“To the untrained male eye, these boys look merely like extremely attractive young children…” O_o. Ummm, I think we see the underlying issue, here. Also, if you intend to be a serious writer, would you please learn to write and spell. Thank you.
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8:05 pm
“Because all of the members of the group are British or Irish, I, as an American and as a patriot, feel quite threatened. Why do we allow dirty Europeans to hijack our culture? It simply is wrong. I remember the days back when America ruled, and culture was ours to steal. All of the other nations were adopting American customs, and this was taken to its greatest point when Ronald Reagan, legendary American president and hero, destroyed the iron curtain single-handedly, and making the entirety of America proud to be on top.”
Now Ronald Reagan was a good guy. He also was IRISH/SCOTTISH/BRITISH. Wow, Christopher overlooked that one big time. EPIC FAIL!!!
My brother likes One Direction, he is a Christian and is as straight as can be. Take that, Christopher.
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8:12 pm
Oh, and I also forgot to note that I am Italian/British/German/Norwegian. Mixed European.
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1:48 pm
Although i don’t agree with all of it, I think you do have a point here.
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12:07 pm
Okay i get it you believe in god because i do too, but god chose to have them here big deal their boys and like to sing they sing what they want they do what they want jesus is the one choosing this!! And now your against cats? god had these cats here so if your a god LOVER then stop hating the things that he had happen!
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