Will Michael Bay Make My Kid Gay?
Michael Bay, responsible for such cryptic films as “Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon” and “Horsemen” has decided to slander another Hollywood classic. But this is one classic that actually matters, as it is one of the few mainstream Hollywood films devoid of gay homo fillings and advocacy.
(Yeah, I’ll take that d***, I’ll take that d*** real good, maybe in my buttcheeks? — Michael Bay, in leaked text messages to production assistant on set of “Horsemen.”)
The movie? “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.”
Even I allowed my two children, Bobby Dale and Lillith Jo, to watch these rambunctious Turtles — yes, while the Turtles did wear colored, bedazzled costumes , they in no way, shape, or form resembled full blooded homosexuals; because their karate skills and ruthless ability to kill made them men, or straight leaning turtles with humanoid features and tendencies.
In addition, it is widely known that they regularly engaged in consensual, heterosexual group sex with reporter April O’Neill, as she agreed to marry all of the Turtles and their ethnic (but legal US Citizen) grandfather Splinter, in order to gain favor in God’s eyes (this happened between TMNT I and the beginning of TMNT II).
Michael “Gay” Bay has decided to inject his brand of gay homosexual pornographic magic and cater to the homo’s warped agenda with his recent decision to remake the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, re-titling it simply “Ninja Turtles” — a move undoubtedly intended to convey the metaphor of the Turtle’s new alien origin being similar to being a homosexual.
I puke in my mouth when I consider such behavior, but this gay savagery is accepted and revered in the film, as the new highly effeminate Turtles sloppily fight crime in between periods of time bickering with each other over costume and fingernail polish color.
How do I know all of this? Because former Michelangelo voice actor Robbie Ries recently went on the news and revealed the truth that we had all been waiting for — Michael “Gay” Bay was sodomizing the franchise!
…
Finally, the news media reports the T-R-U-T-H instead of continuing to abet the gay homosexual community! No more fanatical lies, but the simple satisfaction in knowing that Bay’s illicit and immoral gay philandering will no longer go unnoticed!
If you watch any of the “Transformers” films, it becomes immediately clear that they’re nothing more than a soapbox for Bay to push across the ideology of the Transexually and Transgendered communities. The movies scream, “Accept me for sinning against god with this sex-change.”
With this new butchering of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, it is clear that Michael Bay has decided to sink his talons into legions of sweet, young boys and girls — Warriors for Christ.
Don’t let your sons and daughters watch Michael Bay films, lest you desire disease-fulled gay homo sex to fill your sleepless nights as you lie awake and think of how you r children sleep in roach-infested Section 8 apartments, wrapped in the embrace of their filthy same-sex lover.
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Author: Mark E. Figs
Mark is an award-winning children's author, and Christian Conspiracy Theorist can be found on Facebook and Twitter -- (Mark E. Figs)
4:12 pm
” yes, while the Turtles did wear colored, bedazzled costumes”
Huh? They just wore bands over their eyes, belts, and elbows and knee pads…Where’d you get the bedazzled thing?
“because their karate skills and ruthless ability to kill made them men”
The only time they truly just killed was in the original comic origin story where they were ruthless assassins instead of fun loving ninja turtles…
“it is widely known that they regularly engaged in consensual, heterosexual group sex with reporter April O’Neill, ”
Nowhere does this happen besides Rule 34, have you been surfing the dark side of the Internet?
“their ethnic (but legal US Citizen) grandfather Splinter”
He was a mutated sewer rat…How was he a US citizen?
” in order to gain favor in God’s eyes (this happened between TMNT I and the beginning of TMNT II).”
Huh?
“, as the new highly effeminate Turtles sloppily fight crime in between periods of time bickering with each other over costume and fingernail polish color.”
He’s just being an idiot and changing the backstory, how do you know they’ll be gay?
“Michael “Gay” Bay was sodomizing the franchise!”
He said he was sodomizing the franchise as an exaggerated way to say that Bay was ruining the franchise…Not turning the franchise gay…
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8:57 pm
What the bejeebus is a “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle”?
IS this something done to that turtle that has a wheel instead of a leg?
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9:01 pm
It’s an old cartoon about 4 turtles who get contaminated with radioactive goo and become human like. They then train to become ninjas and fight crime.
Pretty awesome cartoon actually
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11:13 pm
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is a threat to my heterosexuality. Go no further than the names, the artists that the turtles were named after were explicitly homosexual. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Michael Bay as well, have no place in the media or around the children of America.
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11:15 pm
Devlin, just admit that you hate Jesus already.
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1:42 am
Ellen, you are a cyberbully and a liberal extremist. Please stop speaking to me.
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1:04 pm
You’re the one who said you wanted to sacrifice your children to your Dark Lord on the forum…
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6:44 pm
What are you even talking about? Don’t put words into my mouth. Stop taking those crazy pills of yours, they’re causing harm to everyone.
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6:52 pm
Devlin, why do you hate Jesus? You try so desperately to fool people into thinking you’re a Christian, but you want to kill Jesus so badly.
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10:18 pm
Ellen, please show any proof you can possibly find of any disdain I may have for God. Otherwise, your point is moot.
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4:45 pm
You know nothing about L.N. I know more about you than I ever wanted to.
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7:29 pm
Why do you keep replying to old articles?
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7:45 pm
Because I haven’t been posting comments for very long. It’s fun look at comments on older articles. Why do I respond to old comments? Just for fun.
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8:12 pm
I wish I could’ve been here during the golden days of Christwire. It seems like it’s been going to s.hit lately.
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11:41 pm
Yeah, it looks like Christwire is really going down-hill. I had been reading the new posts on Christwire for some time, but I just started commenting very recently.
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4:44 pm
You seem to enough of a threat to yourself already.
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11:31 pm
Tis is a friend of Jesse so hi but i am satanist and our myths are less crazy then you
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1:26 am
I don’t think I can express my hate for Michael Bay in words that don’t involve offending a lot of people. But I really, fucking, HATE Michael Bay with a passion that is saved for only the IRS and people who speak during theater. I really hate that man.
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1:29 am
arent you the one with the trans formers? Did you ever email my grandson? He is a nerd too.
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1:32 am
Robert, there’s no need to deny that you have entire rooms full of toys, no one but stupid people buys the idea that you’re an old woman.
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1:46 am
I wasnt talking to you Lawrence.
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4:47 pm
Your picture says: Righteous. I say: NOT!!!
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1:35 am
Why would I email your grandson did you give me his email and I just never saw it? But yes, I’m a fellow nerd and I love Transformers and I hate how Bay butchered the Transformers movies and also when he produced the new Nightmare on Elm Street, he’s just ruining all the things I loved when I was a kid, now TMNT, me and my older sister watched that together UGH! I just really dislike him. I know most people think that Transformers fans are just taking things ‘Too seriously’ or that we ‘Complain too much,’ but I’m not even that big of a fan, compared to my other friends, and II just get pissed off when the BAYformer movies are mentioned. Just. All of my feelings. Turn to anger.
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1:41 am
I do not understand grown men that collect toys. If he had not wasted his money on those toys he would not have had to move in with me when he was laid off.
Everytime I go in his room or see all of those stupid Deceptivecons in bozes I just want to throw them away.
he is a nice boy. He cusses and is much to liberal for his own good. You would probably like him.
email me at susanbxenu@gmail.com and I will forward it to him.
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1:42 am
By the way how old are you honey?
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1:51 am
I’m 18, and my friend Santiago is 26, and he makes an insane amount of money on Transformers, it’s unreal. He gets me free stuff all the time, hell, HASBRO actually bought toys off of him at BotCon last year. He does his own commission toys and he gets paid an insane amount, and it’s just stuff he does for fun. When me and my sister go out with him to play video games, he’s always got some new edition of Starscream in the back, or a prototype, and he pays me about a hundred bucks just to play with it for an hour and tell him what I think. He’s also a voice actor for Transformers promos, and he even introduced me to one of the producers of Transformers: Prime. NERDS UNITE.
Also, I don’t like emailing people I don’t know over the net. I did that once when I was young, got a virus. Never do it again.
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1:59 am
I am not sure what you just said. I do not speak Nerd. i know there is an Optimal Primus and a Megatune and they have robot armies and fight on earth and cyberton but that is it.
“he pays me about a hundred bucks just to play with it for an hour and tell him what I think.”
Dear, I think that is called prostitution here in Atlanta.
“Also, I don’t like emailing people I don’t know over the net. I did that once when I was young, got a virus. Never do it again.”
Are you accusing my computer of having internet syphillis? I will have you know that I keep it clean with that virus alert programs. just because I am old does not mean that I do not know how to use a computer.
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2:03 am
Susan, now you’re trying too hard. “Optimal Primus and a Megatune” really? “cyberton”
Sorry, carry on.
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2:06 am
I’m just cautious.
If putting a toy together is prostitution then call me a whore, and my parents are suppliers, because they get me a new one every time I come home from college.
His name is Optimus Prime, (Accept in Beast Wars, than his name is Optimus Primal) and Megatron. Neither are my favorites. I like the Decepticons, and Blurr, from the Elite Guard, and Waspinator, because he’s just so pathetic I kinda just want to hug him. My all time favorite is Starscream, because he’s so annoying and everyone hates him, I just can’t help but love him.
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2:14 am
So your parents are drug dealers? I am getting conflicting vibes from you. You are the prostitute daughter of drug dealing parents but you believe killing withces is ok and that you hunt. I cant put my finger on you.
like I said I dont know the transformers very well. My favorite transformer was the fire engine voiced by Dr. Spock in that movie.
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2:19 am
Really, because I can’t put my finger on you. I was talking about toys that are generally made for little kids, and now you’re talking about drugs and prostitutes, what happened to this conversation?
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2:22 am
You were talking about playing with the boys toy for an hour and waiting until he was done. and then you agreed you were a prostitute and said that your parents are suppliers.
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2:32 am
But I didn’t saw I was waiting til he was done. I said that I would play with a Starscream prototype from Hasbro, for their marketing so they can see if the toys they are selling are entertaining. You called me a prostitute for it, and I agreed because if you consider playing with a child’s toy prostitution, well, that doesn’t make any sense to me. My parents buy me toys. Am I going to fast for you? I’m sorry for making you so confused.
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1:06 pm
No, Robert’s just jealous that people are actually happy about admitting that they have Transformers while he has to wallow in shame. He’s severally conflicted with himself, CD.
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11:31 pm
I don’t understand people being ashamed of collecting things they love. Like, really? If you have the means, and the money, then nerd away!
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2:17 am
Celestialdeath here is my movie review of that transformers moive
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2:18 am
http://christwire.org/2011/06/transformers-3-an-assault-on-your-mind-and-soul/
and an article on how disgusting nerds are
http://christwire.org/2011/06/the-masturbatorium-a-sordid-view-of-the-after-hours-nerd/
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2:19 am
Great because of multiple links that has to go to moderation…I swear. Lets try it again.
http://christwire.org/2011/06/transformers-3-an-assault-on-your-mind-and-soul/
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2:20 am
and an article on how disgusting nerds are
http://christwire.org/2011/06/the-masturbatorium-a-sordid-view-of-the-after-hours-nerd/
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2:26 am
Okay, yeah, I don’t like the nerd article. Because I’m a nerd and I got teased a lot for being one, so I find that article incredibly hurtful to my feelings.
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5:12 am
I feel you pain. All throughout school I was razzed for being a nerd, but just remember ‘nerds’ are the ones who eventually run things and make the money.
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11:28 pm
Oi! See? Adam knows what I’m talking about.
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2:22 am
Despite you getting all the names wrong, yup, pretty accurate.
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2:25 am
I got them wrong? Well I did sleep through much of the movie.
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2:28 am
You don’t even need to watch the movie. Well, actually, the movie sucked with names, so it’s not your fault.
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2:29 am
Susan, please do not hurt the feelings of the bipolar one. She will just claim you harassed her, then make a bunch of fake accounts in a desperate cry for attention.
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2:35 am
She’s not sexually harassing me, so I could care less, and she’s also not stalking me off site.
I hope you realize that you are not God. That would be blasphemy and offensive to my beliefs as a Catholic Christian.
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6:44 am
You don’t care about being offensive to other people’s beliefs.
“Catholic Christian” — now there’s a contradiction in terms. Your Catholic cult is a global child-rape cartel. A fish rots from the head.
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11:34 pm
When it actually happens in my church is when I’ll start believing you. Until then, I still go every Sunday and pray with the rest of them.
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11:42 pm
I agree with CelestialDeth.
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6:14 pm
So this is fake right? The article / writer is a joke right ?
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