• 4/20 –Satan’s Holiday

    April 20, 2012 1:11 pm 157 comments
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  • Every year, thousands of irresponsible criminals take part in the twisted celebration that is “4/20.” This evil ceremony of Satan is “Marijuana’s birthday party” — and hundreds of youths in YOUR community may be taking part! We truly are, a country in crisis.

    Over thousands of people are hurt every year doing something reckless as a result of marijuana abuse. Whether it be operating a table saw to create a homemade “bong”, using a surfboard in the ocean, or “chilling” with friends, the facts state that marijuana use will cripple you, mentally and physically. Oh, but the liberal media will have you believe that it’s holistic and natural, good enough to be given as medicine. But in reality, Marijuana makes people lazy and dangerous, and is extremely harmful to the body. It causes impotence, fatigue, purchasing of Ecko brand clothing, and malaise.

    Marijuana is grown by dirty Mexicans — drug lords, that is. They often lace their marijuana with other strains of lethal, potent drugs. “Angeldust”, “PCP”, “OG Kush” and “Head Band” are names of popular strains of marijuana that contain other drugs from Viagara to Cocaine. These toxic combinations are responsible for raping our children.

    And today is the celebration of all of it. Today pot smokers will continue to disappoint their families, friends and loved ones and partake in an all-day orgy of “weed.“ These unemployed, often unclean drug abusers will be a drain on society, like always.


    (Years of marijuana abuse rendered Amy Winehouse’s life obsolete)

    Perhaps drug users will bake commemorative “pot brownies” as a desert dish, similar to cake. Maybe they will watch sinful programming such as “Robot Chickens” or “Super Jail” or the “Tim and Erics Great Job Awesome Show.” I really don’t know what they will do, because I have never soiled my body by partaking in the wretched herb. And to be honest, I doubt anyone smoking these “pots” will be able to do much of anything, what with the crushing side-effects that come with “freebasing” this dirty, destructive plant.

    Don’t let people fool you with Bible scripture proclaiming marijuana to be safe per God’s decree. A majority of people who use this argument are Rastafarians, a cult of brain-dead idiots who believe that God has existed in the last 100 years in the form of an emaciated leader of a decaying, worthless, third-world pagan country. In fact, a majority of people who celebrate today are Rastafarians who have nothing better to do; they obviously have no family relationships or job-related commitments because, c’mon — they’re Rastafarians.

    If you see anyone smoking anything that resembles marijuana, don’t hesitate to call the police. If you know anyone whom you think may smoke marijuana it is a good measure to e-mail your local police chief with information; you don’t want to make Jesus sad, do you?

    God bless, and have a safe 4/20.

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    About The Author
    Mark E. Figs Mark is an award-winning children's author, and Christian Conspiracy Theorist can be found on Facebook and Twitter -- (Mark E. Figs)

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