• 51 Reasons Why Women Will Always be Paid Less than Men

    April 23, 2012 9:38 pm 115 comments
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  • The fact Women are paid, on average, 17-23% less than men for the same work cannot be denied. While this “moment in time” micro measurement is an arithmetic truth, the interpretation of why is beset with lies and innuendo. Beyond the screeching cries of “discrimination” it is difficult to understand why an income gender gap exists.

    Conventional wisdom dictates through the liberal mainstream media that salary gaps are created by powerful men driven by some enigmatic Y-chromosome imperative. Women are portrayed as helpless fools, forever enslaved by phallic-centric economic forces or victims of their own inequities. It is a model that some find distasteful. To accept this paradigm, one must abandon all reason. It behooves everyone to step back and view this issue from a fresh, less emotive perspective.

    Women are diabolical. From the invention of women from Adam’s rib, Woman has ruled over man. With sweet smelling hair and beguiling smile woman will effortlessly twist a man’s trust, offering him the fruits of anguish and scorn. Pay inequality simply levels the playing field for both men and women.

    Weighing in with a Measure of Reason, Ceteris paribus

    The contentious measurement central for women is the fact, on average, for every $1.00 paid to a man only 77₵ is paid to a woman for the same duties. This is a general statement of averages, not an absolute truth for every woman. In fact, some women make dollar for dollar the same wage as men. A few women make more money than their male counterparts in the same position. One must ask why some women are successfully bypassing this gender wage gap and others cannot to fully grasp the nuances of income inequality. Examination of the earnings gap amongst women as a distinct group should be used to delineate underlying gender wage disparity.

    Fat women make less money. A 25 pound weight differential can translate into a $15,000 per annum salary gap between women of similar experience and employment status in today’s labor market. While it is unclear which industries cater to tubby technicians, it is clear that the chunkier female members of the working class are broadening the man v. woman income gap measurement with the same fervor used to widen their behinds. The addition of a few watermelons into a comparison of apples and oranges does not yield truthful results. Yet these same women feel entitled to graze the verdant fields of big government.

    “This means that, all else equal, a US [sic] woman who is average weight earns $389,300 less across a 25-year career than a woman who is 25 lbs below average weight.”

    It is interesting to note that men do not display male-centric weight discrimination. A man weighing 25 pounds more than a coworker, of similar bone structure and height, can expect to earn nearly the same wage, ceteris paribus. All variables being equal, the study is conclusive that men do not discriminate based on weight. This clearly means that woman on woman discrimination is taking place.

    Because of proven female driven salary variations, like those found regarding weight or even bust size, it seems that reason would prevail in this debate of gender wage inequalities, but it does not. Instead of viewing any improvement in the wage gap as a positive health trend or even a pandemic tapeworm outbreak, conventional wisdom clings to the presumption that man v. woman wage discrepancies are due to male gender bias and discrimination. Sadly, many men fall into goosestep with their jackbooted female masters.

    Why Do Men Endure Gender Wage Discrimination?

    Men are trained to discriminate against women. Men are born unto woman. From the time he first suckles the breast, he is being trained to bend to the female will. The first haircut, when precious baby curls are first snipped, a woman trains him to not cry while hacking away his glorious locks of power. The first day of school, a young boy is thrust into the arms of women who will prod him and mold him into a young man. His first dance, he is taught he must pay for a woman’s love with carnations, tight shoes and uncomfortable pictures that haunt him to the grave.

    Women will follow him throughout life with corrals and barrier fencing, branding him as fiancé, husband, father and spiritual leader. At work, many men prefer the peace and tranquility of a day that might be free from the female influence.

    Women bosses don’t understand the burden of man. Men have few safe harbors free of the feminine influence. Work is the final bastion of dignity for men. A Lady Boss is a barrier to this singular escape because it’s a woman’s world. Women define man as husband, breadwinner, father and spiritual leader of the family. Men need something to call their own and paying women less is just a passive aggressive way of sticking it to their overlords.

    1. Women hate other women, men and pretty much everyone but their cat.

    2. Women are less practical and more emotional than men about relationships.

    3. Women rarely bring anything good for lunch that a man would want to borrow from the refrigerator.

    4. Women will usurp authority over the communal ice maker and gang up on a hapless man that uses a bare hand to scoop up a few cubes.

    5. Women priorities aren’t aligned with male coworkers.

    6. Women don’t define themselves by an employment position alone.

    7. Women are dangerous with razors.

    8. Women aren’t like men. They have monthly spells of unhinged rage and bloating.

    9. Women “lack confidence” in negotiating and just tell a man
    what they want.

    10. Women pick their battles and rarely run out of ammunition.

    11. Women are a safety hazard, especially in short skirts and those camisoles with shelf bras.

    12. Women are like cats, they can be domesticated but will turn feral at the drop of a hat.

    13. Women make men stupid.

    14. Women will call the other women in the office first if donuts are left over in the conference room.

    15. Women want clean restrooms that operate properly and will email everyone when the tampon machine needs filled.

    16. Women will not tell you if toilet paper is stuck to your shoe, but she will call every other woman in the office to casually come and check you out.

    17. Women don’t understand man-humor and the natural gaseous body emissions that sometimes mysteriously happen in man groups.

    18. Women in the office aren’t interested in décor like if the carpet matches the drapes.

    19. Women won’t take a job just because it is offered – because they are discriminating.

    20. Women get more testosterone as they age, while men lose testosterone.

    21. Women can increase their economic position with a husband or sugar daddy.

    22. Women have special memory abilities that baffle men.

    23. Women will place man-friendly toys and candy on their desks to attract men and learn the office man-secrets.

    24. Women think they are right most of the time. Men provide evidence.

    25. Women are indecisive. They can’t decide if they want to be a career person, a wife, or a mother.

    26. Women effortlessly overpower men mentally by confusing them. Men seeking to correct a woman by telling her he “knows” what she needs to do to get the reports done more efficiently is likely to end up with the task himself.

    27. Women can multitask more easily than men.

    28. Women are not amused by office shenanigans like calling from an outside line repeatedly asking to speak to Mike Hunt.

    29. Women aren’t distracted by men.

    30. Women don’t enjoy being mocked while sick and will secretly lick your mouse.

    31. Women aren’t team players.

    32. Women will not cheer for the office softball team “The Nads” with the official cheer “Go Nads!”

    33. Women are less intrigued by office gossip than men.

    34. Women have hoity toity notions about privacy and breast pumping at the office.

    35. Women can listen without paying attention to a man.

    36. Women with children understand shame and how to use it.

    37. Women don’t think it’s a great “team building exercise” to jump on a trampoline while everyone captures video and pictures on their cell

    38. Women without husbands are gold diggers on a manhunt.

    39. Women think too much about their fingernails.

    40. Women bosses will not approve your canoodled expense reports with travel expenses like ‘clean underwear’.

    41. Women bosses think you’re an alcoholic when you’re absent from work on Fridays and Mondays.

    42. Women bosses think you spend too much personal time on the phone and think your “Strippers like my pole” tee shirt is inappropriate for the
    employee picnic.

    43. Women bosses will tell a man what he did wrong and make men feel bad, thus lowering productivity.

    44. Women bosses don’t appreciate it when you call her from the men’s room.

    45. Women bosses don’t appreciate your definition of sexual discrimination, because that would mean you would be the boss.

    46. Women bosses have performance expectations that make a man feel unimportant.

    47. Women bosses have little interest in being ‘one of the boys’.

    48. Women bosses are scary and intimidating.

    49. Women bosses are 89.6% less likely to offer a second chance when you’re caught with pornography on the company computer.

    50. Women want to be paid less than a man for the same job.

    51. Women would rather complain and create office havoc than be equal.

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    About The Author
    Blanche Beecham "Blanche Beecham lends a soft, learned hand to the fourth estate with incite-full investigations on diverse topics such as Politics, Love, and Lifestyle. Her many years experience as a wife, mother, ladies book club president and financial auditor make her well suited to ferreting out the truth and giving it a sound shake." - Rev. Jackson Lee Whitebelley, Publisher and Editor of "The Incubator" - Follow me on Twitter! @BLANCHEBEECHAM

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