Atheists Invent Armored Catfish, Beasts Destroys South Florida Ecosystem
In their latest bid to prove evolution, a group of atheist scientists are now to blame for great destruction in Florida’s fragile ecosystem. The scientists unleashed a monstrous, lab-created armored catfish into the wild only months ago. Unknown to the general public, the plan to release the catfish into the wild was supposed to prove an atheist claim that ‘evolution allows the environment to easily adapt to invasive alien species’.
The species of “armored catfish” is damaging South Florida’s lakes, causing coastal erosion and even burrowing holes that trip up humans walking along the water’s edge. Last week alone, one young man in Pensacola fell into one of the fish’s trip holes and had his arm mauled off, all before locals were able to pull him out from the ravenous cluch of genetically engineered fish. Another group of hikers went into a lake for a cooling dip, to only be attacked with what they thought were ‘mutant pirhanas’. Later, they found out all their lacerations and missing digits were the result fo the invasive armored catfsih.
Gaming officials in Dade County, Florida, were shocked to respond to calls about a wounded 13-foot alligator that was found writhing in pain outside a rural bayou. The gator was missing two arms and an eye, letting out hisslike cries of agony. Officials decided to put the gator down and do a biopsy, to only find that it was being eaten from the inside by a clutch of armored catfish.
What’s even more terrifying is the intrinsic r (reproductive) values of these fish. Females can self-replicate through oogenesis, a new type of ‘genetic lesbianism’ that has been created by these scientists. One oogenized fish can give birth to 800 live offspring, who all grow to about two feet within a week.
Locals report they have seen pythons, small birds and even a bathing jaguar consumed and eaten by this new fish. The governor of Florida is expected to announce a potential state of Ecological Emergency by last this week.
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- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Abe
If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack.
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6:11 pm
Dafuq did I just read?
Sounds like a plot for a B horror movie…
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6:52 pm
Or a sifi movie
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6:53 pm
Lol, I could see that
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6:13 pm
Those are so fucking cool.
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6:22 pm
And how the fuck do you know it was a Atheist? Did you just ASSUME that? You always fucking do that Abe. Every fucking one of your articles is filled with lies. For all we know, this could have never happened. Wanna know why? Because all of your articles are BULLSHIT. NOTHING you say is the truth. Absolutely NOTHING.
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6:56 pm
So god created all life on earth but they also say Atheist create stuff like that so they must be saying Atheist == god so god == Atheist that must mean god is an Atheist!!!
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7:12 pm
I actually heard about this on tv. It’s a big problem and they just found out that some crackpot scientists from Florida did it, so naturally atheists.
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7:15 pm
Naturally? Fuck you. It’s Christians that are fucking crazy. It’s Christians that want to kill everyone not white. So naturally atheist? How about naturally Christian you fuck idiot.
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7:16 pm
Christians and even the lesser religions are mostly against invasive species and genetic engineering, so odds are that it is a non-Christian. Someone who believes in no-God. An atheist.
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7:18 pm
And what says Christians are against that? Also, I find it funny you didn’t even try to deny what I said.
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9:13 pm
Ya well if your god is so not for this why doesn’t he just remove it him self? Oh wait he can’t cause that would take someone REAL to remove it oh silly.
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1:58 pm
How irritated the non-believer becomes when confronted with the undeniable truth.
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7:15 pm
Abe, it’s really amazing that now even oogenesis is being used to promote lesbianism in genetically engineered armored catfish. Why are these scientists so determined to hate God by destroying nature?
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10:15 am
Adam, you’re an idiot. Try using the power of Google before you go acting holier than thou. Genetically engineered catfish that trip people to maul off their limbs? Your mind must easily molded to believe some crap like this. Grow 2 feet in a week? Gimme a fucking break! The person who wrote this article should beaten.
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12:30 pm
Do you have any proof otherwise, Nate. Florida is home to many invasive species, usually introduced by mad scientists who do not care for the Earth God gave us to protect. If people could respect the Creator, then maybe they could respect the CREATION.
Atheists cannot respect nature because they do not respect He who created it.
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1:56 pm
Shun the power of Google for the power of the Lord!
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7:20 pm
I don’t like these lesbian fish.
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8:17 pm
how is that fish a lesbian? haha seriously what the hell.
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1:47 pm
Eerily reminiscent of vagina dentata.
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9:39 pm
I think I just lose some brain cell … I should really stop coming here it,s not good for any sane person to be near any religious freak
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10:07 pm
Hey Pierre, if you’re having brain problems it might be from parasites in your seal tartare. You should get it checked out.
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12:37 am
who is Pierre ? arnold you should shut up
seal tartare ? like the same crazy prison in Hell ?
the same place all you crazy christian will end up
but I lose brain cell because of your stupidity arnold
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4:38 am
Pierre, seal tartare is the raw seal meat that you garcons all eat up there in Quebec.
If you got brain parasites from it you can probably sue the restaurant.
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1:55 pm
“A little French joke, oui?”
“Very wee.”
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6:57 am
Mon chapeau est sur mon pomme de terre!
Mmmm… pomme de terre…
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3:29 am
“I think I just lose some brain cell”
It’s possible that you had none to lose in the first place.
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2:10 am
Abe could you please post the sources from where you got the infos about…
a) The creation of the fish by scientists
b) The Fishes attacking humen
c) The Fishes eating up larger reptiles, birds and mammals
d) The Fishes being able to reproduce by ‘genetic lesbianism’
These are all unproven claims for me as long as there aren’t reliable sources.
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1:49 pm
The problem is that the only thing you consider to be a reliable source are atheist science worshipers. There’s no sense trying to reason with those who refuse to learn.
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9:04 pm
Well, what do you consider to be a reliable source? A book of pure belief and twists on what actually happened? The article itself, which has been blown out of proportion and tainted with completely false information? Or do you make up your own information such as this “Abe” character. The bad thing about our free speech amendment is that bible thumpers such as members of this site get to have their crazy ideas heard, and sometimes even agreed with by even crazier freaks (not going to name anybody). This site should be removed, it provides false information that twists anybody who doesn’t believe in god (lowercase “g” was intentional) to be barbaric and completely void of any intelligence. These creatures are completely vegetarian, do not grow to be very large, and don’t even wield a full set of teeth. I’m completely sick of you believers that take your beliefs to extremes such as blaming any problem of your so-called “God” on atheists. You are all as immature as a teenaged girl. Just a couple provocative questions that you are sure to love: If God is real, then why do children who aren’t even old enough to drive get cancer and die early EVEN if they go to church and are as crazy as you? Why is there world hunger if there is a God? Why does God put evil dictators in power who torture their people? Why did God let this site on the internet? And a last few, why was there a Holocaust if God exists? Where in the world did dinosaur bones come from, and how can our DNA be so similar with that of primates (monkeys, for those of you who spent all of your time during biology in high-school reading the bible) if evolution did not occur? If this “all perfect” being existed, I am quite sure that he would give a shit about at least 1% of our world’s population. Why would he create a world where people would work until their fingers were worn to the bone and still not live equal to the ones who put religion aside and did something with their lives? This site provides me with a good laugh now and then, but you people are so blindsided to the REAL world, because you are too wrapped up in the idea of some fantasy land where there are no problems at all. If that “God” cared about you, or anybody else, that world would be the world we live in, not the one that we have to dream of while we struggle and work here on this rock that you all think he created. Science has proven religion’s explanations wrong and you stubborn and implacable fools can’t seem to get it. You are correct about there not being any sense in trying to reason with those who refuse to learn, but I like to give people an alternate view (hence my post). People need to question their beliefs in order to find out what they TRULY believe in.
Best wishes,
Your Mother
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9:06 pm
I do not believe that he can post a link to his imagination, so don’t hold your breath!
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1:20 am
I keep telling myself, “They can’t get any more stupid. . .”
OF course they can xD
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2:59 am
hahahahahahahhahahah
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7:50 am
I think my brain just exploded. Oh yes. You just may have won the prize for most miss informed and …moron.
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