In their latest bid to prove evolution, a group of atheist scientists are now to blame for great destruction in Florida’s fragile ecosystem. The scientists unleashed a monstrous, lab-created armored catfish into the wild only months ago. Unknown to the general public, the plan to release the catfish into the wild was supposed to prove an atheist claim that ‘evolution allows the environment to easily adapt to invasive alien species’.
The species of “armored catfish” is damaging South Florida’s lakes, causing coastal erosion and even burrowing holes that trip up humans walking along the water’s edge. Last week alone, one young man in Pensacola fell into one of the fish’s trip holes and had his arm mauled off, all before locals were able to pull him out from the ravenous cluch of genetically engineered fish. Another group of hikers went into a lake for a cooling dip, to only be attacked with what they thought were ‘mutant pirhanas’. Later, they found out all their lacerations and missing digits were the result fo the invasive armored catfsih.
Gaming officials in Dade County, Florida, were shocked to respond to calls about a wounded 13-foot alligator that was found writhing in pain outside a rural bayou. The gator was missing two arms and an eye, letting out hisslike cries of agony. Officials decided to put the gator down and do a biopsy, to only find that it was being eaten from the inside by a clutch of armored catfish.
What’s even more terrifying is the intrinsic r (reproductive) values of these fish. Females can self-replicate through oogenesis, a new type of ‘genetic lesbianism’ that has been created by these scientists. One oogenized fish can give birth to 800 live offspring, who all grow to about two feet within a week.
Locals report they have seen pythons, small birds and even a bathing jaguar consumed and eaten by this new fish. The governor of Florida is expected to announce a potential state of Ecological Emergency by last this week.