Debate Over Age of the Earth Finally Settled
As man moved out of huts and away from having blasphemous sex with farm animals and their immediate family, he began the pursuit of knowledge. Knowledge to affirm the almighty belief in Jesus God the Ultimate Creator of the Universe. Such as the heated debate over the age of the earth. Was the earth created 5000 or 5500 years ago?
Recently, Christian Scientists have peer reviewed bible interpretations to decipher new ways to contact the almighty. They also determined new ways to decipher signs sent by the almighty from everyday random occurrences. Using these new found techniques they took solid rock cores from the center of the earth and prayed to God for a sign that they are 5500 years old.
While there was no reaction at first, one of the main skeptics of the project was raped by a homosexual with AIDS that night. After much debate, this was determined to be a message from God.
It is believed that those extra years were needed for God to fill the world with oil, much like filling your Expedition or Tahoe at the pump on the way to church. Since it takes so long to fill your large SUV, we can assume it took nearly 500 years for God to provide all of the oil needed by humanity until the rapture. Unlike filling your SUV, the bill wasn’t paid with dollars but with God’s infinite love.
The other side attempts to indoctrinate our innocent children into believing that the world is billions of years old. Yet, while Christian Scientists are completely transparent and open to peer review, self described “Geo scientists” operate solely behind closed doors, much like pedophiles and rapists.
Their research uses so called “radioactive dating”. This consists of irradiating unborn children in hopes they will be less prone to death when the researchers shoot rocks into them at thousands of miles per hour. If the earth was billions of years old, the rocks would be incredibly brittle due to age and simply turn to dust when shot into the radioactive infants. Yet, thousands upon thousands of radioactive infants have died due to this bunk science.
During my research I also confirmed that the leftover radioactive infants are considered a delicacy by atheist and cannibal Ricky Gervais.
The Christian Scientists research goes a long way to refute the liberals, homosexuals, devil worshipers, unwashed atheists and unwed mothers who claim we need to ration our natural resources and cut back on emissions to prevent global warming. No Jesus in my bible would ever drive a Yaris or a Prius, He would need adequate wheels to carry his 12 Disciples and turn Romans into roadkill.
When looked at through the eyes of a believer, there’s no doubt we will have enough natural resources to last us until the Rapture and that any global warming is simply a means to discourage overweight hairy homosexuals and lesbians from engaging in sinful acts.
This new development truly proves that natural resources, such as food, water, oil and Kirk Cameron are as infinite and plentiful as God’s love for us.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: James Rutherford
James Rutherford is a licensed Christian Physician who specializes in viruses that cause homosexual outbursts. He spends his free time studying the bible and collecting miniatures.
1:50 am
Since you are done using joke science (christian science), can we get back to the real fact of when the Earth was made? I’ll give you a hint, it’s over 9000.
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3:25 am
” it’s over 9000.”
http://cursemymetalbody.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/vegeta-9000.png
(I couldn’t resist)
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3:18 am
Oh that’s a new one the earth if full of oil so why does it never shot out of volcanoes does oil turn into lava with air? I’m sure your christian science would know.
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6:49 am
“The Earth is full of oil”
…….are you fucking serious.
When the earth was 5500 years old, is couldn’t sustain life.
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7:33 pm
huh When the earth was 5500 years old, is couldn’t sustain life.
I don’t know if iot’s related of the “oil filled planet”
but if we think as a ags planet like Jupiter or saturn yes earth would not sustain life at all
but the planet earth was crystallized and become kinda a Iceball ( and become warmed up fromsun in our solar system and so on
Therefore the world is Indeed older than 6000 years old not only about the fossil but other thing we discover
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1:09 pm
Brother James – I enjoyed reading your piece and will share it with others. Pay no attention to the little heathen bastards and whores that make these juvenile posts. Their much to young to understand the deception that’s really at work here.
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3:44 pm
Thank you Reverend. I only wish the naysayers had a grasp of just how much God’s love fills my body everyday. They will never know such joy. I can only pray that they see the light, lest they end up with AIDS or become a democrat.
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3:49 pm
How will not believing in a big man in the sky give me AIDs? Also, can you give any proof god is real? Any evidence? Give me real undeniable proof that god is real and I will believe.
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4:17 pm
So your boyfriend’s nickname is God for reasons i do not want to know and he fills you up so much every day.
Why would we want a grasp of that?
Maybe you should get the aids-check, and a head-check while you are at it.These rocks that were thrown at you after you got irradiated must have rendered your brain very brittle.
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3:15 am
Thanks for that wonderful article. I can only imagine the embarrassment these atheists feel when this proves them wrong yet again.
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3:29 am
You people have proven nothing to us. All you’ve shown us was how you take joke science seriously.
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3:40 am
I can sense your shame from here.
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3:44 am
A: It’s impossible to sense shame.
B: How can I possibly have shame over joke science?
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6:26 am
But we have more proof that there is no god your shame trying in just ignoring it doesn’t help you.
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9:25 pm
your joking right
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3:36 am
http://www.fixedearth.com = Truth
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3:42 am
You honestly believe the Earth is not moving? That site has not facts. All it’s backed with is a book. And that book is the Bible, the same book that is full of lies. The very same book that tells you rape and murder is okay.
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6:28 am
Don’t post links to web sites with spy ware and viruses what if a kid was to click on that!!
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7:37 pm
wow you believe the earth doesnt move ? do you believe its flat too and little monster away us at the edge ?
seriously even fundamentalist christian are not that stupid
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6:13 am
“”. This consists of irradiating unborn children in hopes they will be less prone to death when the researchers shoot rocks into them at thousands of miles per hour. If the earth was billions of years old, the rocks would be incredibly brittle due to age and simply turn to dust when shot into the radioactive infants. “.
This is probably one of the funniest things I’ve read all week.
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6:08 pm
This article made my day, i love when these people bring science into this site and pretend they know something that has been proven wrong. In other words: there is less bullshit on a cow farm.
I really hope this was a bad joke, either way it gave me a good laugh. Why would they shoot rocks at infants and how would that tell the age of the rock?
Radioactive dating has nothing to do with anything this article states, other than the fact that it involves radiation (remotely) they have no connection.
This website is great for making me laugh at how stupid some people are. Its not that you are uneducated or have some mental problem, its the fact that you refuse to acknowledge the factual information given to you that makes you stupid.
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1:02 am
“This website is great for making me laugh at how stupid some people are.”
Ohhh, the irony!
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4:35 am
Did susan steal that image for you too?
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9:59 am
so you are calling me stupid? Please provide undeniable proof that radiocarbon dating involves infants. that means you have to do something called research.
i used to think that basic geology was common knowledge, nothing is infinite except human stupidity and the vacuum of space.
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1:22 am
LOL. i feel like i’m stuck in an ironic infinite regress, and i can’t be sure who’s in on the joke and who’s not. this is the best site ever.
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4:26 pm
Science has proven that the Earth is closer to 4.5 billion years old. Radiometric dating has shown us this, and has remained consistent with lunar and terrestrial samples. In other words, we haven’t just tested this once in one situation, it’s been extensively tested. This isn’t a guess, or a hunch, there’s a substantial amount of evidence to back this up. I’m afraid this proves your theories wrong.
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