As man moved out of huts and away from having blasphemous sex with farm animals and their immediate family, he began the pursuit of knowledge. Knowledge to affirm the almighty belief in Jesus God the Ultimate Creator of the Universe. Such as the heated debate over the age of the earth. Was the earth created 5000 or 5500 years ago?
Recently, Christian Scientists have peer reviewed bible interpretations to decipher new ways to contact the almighty. They also determined new ways to decipher signs sent by the almighty from everyday random occurrences. Using these new found techniques they took solid rock cores from the center of the earth and prayed to God for a sign that they are 5500 years old.
While there was no reaction at first, one of the main skeptics of the project was raped by a homosexual with AIDS that night. After much debate, this was determined to be a message from God.
It is believed that those extra years were needed for God to fill the world with oil, much like filling your Expedition or Tahoe at the pump on the way to church. Since it takes so long to fill your large SUV, we can assume it took nearly 500 years for God to provide all of the oil needed by humanity until the rapture. Unlike filling your SUV, the bill wasn’t paid with dollars but with God’s infinite love.
The other side attempts to indoctrinate our innocent children into believing that the world is billions of years old. Yet, while Christian Scientists are completely transparent and open to peer review, self described “Geo scientists” operate solely behind closed doors, much like pedophiles and rapists.
Their research uses so called “radioactive dating”. This consists of irradiating unborn children in hopes they will be less prone to death when the researchers shoot rocks into them at thousands of miles per hour. If the earth was billions of years old, the rocks would be incredibly brittle due to age and simply turn to dust when shot into the radioactive infants. Yet, thousands upon thousands of radioactive infants have died due to this bunk science.
During my research I also confirmed that the leftover radioactive infants are considered a delicacy by atheist and cannibal Ricky Gervais.
The Christian Scientists research goes a long way to refute the liberals, homosexuals, devil worshipers, unwashed atheists and unwed mothers who claim we need to ration our natural resources and cut back on emissions to prevent global warming. No Jesus in my bible would ever drive a Yaris or a Prius, He would need adequate wheels to carry his 12 Disciples and turn Romans into roadkill.
When looked at through the eyes of a believer, there’s no doubt we will have enough natural resources to last us until the Rapture and that any global warming is simply a means to discourage overweight hairy homosexuals and lesbians from engaging in sinful acts.
This new development truly proves that natural resources, such as food, water, oil and Kirk Cameron are as infinite and plentiful as God’s love for us.