GAY of the Year Awards 2012 – Gays Vote Adele As New Iconic Leader, Cher Dethroned, Joe My God Retains “Leatherdaddy” of Year
The Gay Community had their official award ceremonies last night. The show, which always airs the night of the Lusty Lyrid Meteor Showers naturally took place in San Francisco, California, the spritzed frapaccino gay capital of the world.
The event was held at the historic Bare Chest Leather Theater, an enclave that regularly entertains the most elite of the homosexual community. The star-studded event highlighted and praised those most detrimental to our Conservative America movement. The event was hosted by comedian Ellen Degeneres and a bare-chested, oiled-up Tyler Lautner (the anti-bear bare werewolf from Twilight). Musical numbers were performed by Elton John and a holographic Freddy Mercury returned to stage to lead Queen one final time in a ultimate ‘Queeny pride’ medley.
GAY OF THE YEAR 2012 PAGEANT AWARDS – Highlighted Winners
Cutest Gay of the Year – Ellen Degeneres
For the third year in a row, television comedian Ellen DeGeneres was voted Cutest Gay of the Year. In addition to wowing crowds with her soft face and endearing smile, according to judges, her humor is enough to warm the coldest heart. Ellen was also nominated for Funniest Gay of the Year and most likely to turn a hetero man lesbian award.
All of these awards highlighted Ellen’s co-hosting of the event.
Silver Tongue of Journalism Award – Anderson Cooper
Referred to as the Silver Fox by his colleagues, Anderson Cooper does not openly talk about his sexuality for the sake of ‘media integrity’ and being able to cover stories without bias. That still did not stop the great-great-great-grandson of Cornelius Vanderbilt, the second richest person in Earth’s history and son of fashion mogul Gloria Vanderbilt, for receiving the ‘coveted’ Silver Tongue of Journalism Award.
This award is given to a journalist who uses their influence to help the gay agenda, which Anderson Cooper did when he used his journalistic influence to cause Vince Vaughan’s ‘The Delima” film to remove the line “That’s so gay” from its preview.
Leatherdaddy of the Year – Joe My God
Fresh off his victory as the Literary Bottom Bard of the year by the Gay Writer’s Union, Joe My God was given yet another award, this time for the leatherdaddy of the year award. Wrestling the award from last year’s winner Ricky Martin, Joe My God was finally able to take to stage and give his victory speech to the jeering, swooning crowd of other celebrities.
Joe My God is also apparently being considered as a writer for the screen actor’s guilt, with a potential movie writing project with Bryan Singer.
The Bea Arthur Memorial Award – Jane Lynch
Jane Lynch addresses awards show via satellite, as she could not attend due to filming for Glee’s series finale.
There are rumors that Hollywood plans to make a prequel movie for The Golden Girls. The movie will detail the ‘exciting’ events and twists of fate that lead to Mother Sophia, Rose, Dorothy and Blanche (Bea Arthur) residing in a Florida retirement community. Every year, an actress who embodies the spirit and potential to act in what gays call ‘probably the best movie concept ever’ receives the award and their official nod for consideration in one of the parts.
Jayne Lynch’s strong stage presence, off-bear humor and likely ability to sport a perennial short hairstyle makes her a strong candidate for being cast as Bea Arthur in the The Golden Girls: Beginnings.
Avant-Garde Gay Newcomer of the Year – Zachary Quinto
Playing Mr. Spock on the new Star Trek movies, Zachary Quinto shocked many after he revealed he was ready for official inclusion in the gay community. Based upon his great portrayal of a timeless character, and the expected success of the Star Trek movies, it’s no surprise that the Gay Agenda quickly moved to officially recognize Quinto as the official newcomer of the year.
Most Suspiciously Gay Character of the Year – Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons)
This awards is very confusing for the normal mind. To qualify, the actor must be gay but yet not so obvious that mainstream culture understands the fact. The actor’s character in the show must also be ambiguous and shocking. This year’s winner was Sheldon Cooper, who an atheist gay pride show called ‘The Big Bang Theory’. I can only assume that by Big Bang Theory, they are talking about improper carnal acts of backside orientation, if you catch my drift.
Judging by the sci-fi Vulcan gesturing, uniform and surrounding in Mr. Parson’s prerecorded victory speech, it seems George Takei may have a hand in this.
The awkward moment Cher and her entourage took to stage.
In the moment above, Cher, her son Chaz and Representative Bono Frank all took to stage as Cher prepared to receive the Gay Icon of the Year award for the 23rd straight year in a row. A tearful and comfortably nodding Cher closed her eyes and she began her speech, to only moments later be tapped on the shoulder by Lautner who could be heard whispering, “Ma’am, you actually didn’t win this year.”
An embarrassed Cher quickly ran down from the stage and back to her seat.
Gay Icon of the Year – Adele
Adele has dethroned Cher as the Gay Icon of the Year. The awkward moment when Cher realized that for the first time in 23-years she was not the favorite person of every gay was very awkward and tense. It was revealed that after intense voting and debate, the fresher and more virile Adele’s English accent, newfound audience and being a name everyone likes to say qualified her one name above the usual runner-up, Madonna and yes, even that of Cher.
RuPaul, who served as a superdelegate for the gay voting convention that chooses the gay of the year stated: “it was tough, but based on sales and fame, Adele’s SuperGAC (Super Gay Action Committee) ran a strong campaign for her and by voting’s end, she had the delegates and we had no choice but to nominate Adele for Gay Icon of the year.”
The rest of the competition was filled with song, dance and fashion, with George Takei giving an interpretive dance of Swan Lake that preceeded the big finale by Freddy Mercury’s hologram performing The Show Must Go On, accompanied by Pavoratti adorned in sparkly holgram sequins.