• Is Adventure Time A Gateway Drug To LSD, Homosexuality and the Rave Lifestyle?

    April 5, 2012 3:01 am 146 comments

    adventure time
    A new audience for animation has arisen. As we can see in cases like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Phineas and Ferb, Japanese anime and mangay, South Park and Family Guy, children’s shows are being viewed primarily by a frightening new audience. Typically, lazy oafs in their twenties make up the vast majority of viewers for each of these shows, which in itself contains connotations of budding pedophilia. The point remains that these are shows designed for extremely small children, and Adventure Time has joined this list of shows that are too popular among these ugly perverts. Unfortunately, because of this large viewership among college-aged socially inadequate men, children are suffering.

    Adventure Time is a show about the LSD fueled hallucinations of a liberally raised small child, Finn, and his dog, Jake, who appears to have been date-raped, probably by a cat or a hippie, because dogs are innocent and incapable of voluntarily consuming drugs. Adventure Time is basically a Beatles song mixed with a Lady GAGA music video wrapped up in an erotic package reminiscent of a cross between GLEE and Jersey Shore. Despite its large viewership among 20-something serial killers, it is on Cartoon Network, which means that many youth, especially those with negligent liberal or immigrant parents, are being brainwashed by its blatant messages of self-destruction and evil in the most colorful fashion possible.

    finn is wrong
    What is most frightening, beyond the epileptic colors, are the characters, who often indicate a socialist agenda among the writers and the staff both for the show and at Cartoon Network (remember, Cartoon Network is responsible for the anti-God, homosexual, feminist propaganda show The PowerPoint Girls). We begin with the protagonist: Finn, an irresponsible young boy wearing seductively short shorts who schizophrenically socializes with his dangerous imaginary sex partners and experiments with cross-dressing.
    jake is evil
    Jake, a dog, is a stand in for the shameful fans of the show, he is overweight, lazy, sarcastic and all-around obnoxious. Jake does not respect dogs and it is clear that this show does not care for Man’s Best Friend, unless it is in some sort of ironic crude manner that is so popular among the youth nowadays. Jake has a gay sex partner named Lady Raincone, who is a tribute to Lady Gaga and My Little Pony. Lady Raincone is a rainbow unicorn and is one of the most homosexual components of the show.
    princess bubblegum is a gay sex fiend
    Princess Bubblegum, a representative of a blend of the homogay lifestyle and the scary parts of the internet, is especially destructive. With her pink, feminine appearance she may even seem like a wholesome young lady, but this is deceptive. Her phallic crown and bad temper indicate that she represents angry hordes of flaming homosexuals, and her love for the myths of science and “Geek-dom” show that she is both an atheist and a feminist. Princess Bubblegum is the antithesis of morality and Christian values.
    marcelina is an emosexual demon
    Marcelina is an emosexual demon from h*ll designed to represent the tumblr and deviantart types who religiously follow this show. She is extremely evil and wants to destroy the world, and is basically a mix between the Black Vile Brides and Hitler. Marcelina, nevertheless, is considered one of the heroes of the show, which tells us just why people like One Direction and Edgar Allen Poe are glorified so much among youth.
    ice king is misunderstood
    The Ice King is an analogy for Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich. I, personally don’t know what to think of him, but I completely understand where they were going in creation of this character. He was created to demean the Republican party, and the children watching don’t know any better. Why do you think so many youth vote Democrat? He is promiscuous and cannot relate to others, and is vilified for this. The Ice King is a broken, and troubled character, though I do feel much sympathy for him.
    lumpy space princess is atheist propaganda
    Lumpy Space Princess is what the show regards as God. Lumpy Space Princess is not a human nor a sentient being; She is a space cloud parodying the very idea of a higher power. She is unintelligent and obnoxious, and is a blatant disgrace to Christianity. Lumpy Space Princess alone is reason for this show to be permanently eliminated.

    Each episode of Adventure Time profiles a different orgy or rave had by the gang and their technicolored friends and enemies. They mask this for parents by identifying these gangbangs as “adventures”, when in reality they are nothing but drugged sodomy and rainbow colored evildoing. Nearly every episode involves some sort of new dirty fetish or erotic fantasy being inacted by the posse, and sometimes strangers are involved. Keep in mind that none of these people are married, except for Ice King, who, like Newt Gingrich, struggles with the tragic issue of maintaining a marriage and constantly looking for a soulmate in the face of adversity. Exposing innocent children to the “adventures” enacted in Adventure Time is counterintuitive to moral development.

    We must stay firm and rigid in our moral defiance and protest sinful shows like Adventure Time. Adventure Time could potentially lead YOUR child to a lifetime of depressed nefarious fetishes and experimentation with sodomy and illicit drugs. Adventure Time glorifies atheism and homosexuality and should not be permitted anywhere in the Christian home.

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    About The Author
    Christopher Christenson Republican, American, Christian, Man, Carnivore, White, Hero, Genius, Brave. All words that adequately describe Christopher Christenson. At the ripe young age of 28, Christopher has been writing for Christwire for quite a while, when he isn't warding off the North Koreans from attacking or mentoring youth at his church. Because of his young age, he is able to connect with the young people whilst still charming our beloved elderly. Christopher is fascinated by the grotesque trends among youth and will stop at nothing to investigate. You can contact him on his website.

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