• Lava Spirals on Mars, Is China Responsible?

    April 27, 2012 1:11 pm 95 comments
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  • Lava spirals on Mars reveal human skeletons, landing sites, boffin researcher discovers.  Is China’s secret space program revealed?

    Dramatic news from NASA’s lone remaining telescope reveal there are lava spirals on Mars and the CASA (Chinese Annihilate Space Americans) administration is to blame. CASA seeks to be the new NASA and if the lava spirals on Mars are any indication, China’s space technology is far greater than we could have guessed.

    We were first clued into China’s advanced space technology when ChristWire interns Bryan Blake and Mike Watson were on a mission trip in Beijing. After accidentally catching a meeting between Chinese officials at a hotel banquet, Blake and Watson heard a discussion about the Chinese astronauts eating puppies in space. The men who were talking also revealed that China had already been to the moon.

    Days after we broke that story, China internally showed footage of their astronauts preparing to land on the moon and preparing to kick over the flag Neil Armstrong used to claim the moon for America, to replace it with that of their newly risen imperial star empire.

    Images of Chinese landing on the moon.

    Now, a boffin-in-training has discovered landing sites for Chinese space vehicles on mars. The spirals are probably coils from geothermic vents the Chinese are using to power underground facilities for their new base of operations. How appropriate that the red planet is now going to be the den for the sleeping dragon.  Friends, you should be very ascared right now, so ascared just like me.

    The Chinese are taking advantage of America’s Dark Age of Obama.  Just like the Dark Ages of old, we are ruled by atheism and no imagination.  We no longer have the hopes and dreams of good Republican men like Ronald Reagan.  Gone are our days of space glory because Obama is gutting NASA and grounding our military.

    We must vote a spacehawk Republican into office in 2012.  The moon should be lined with our nukes.  The Chinese have Mars, so we have no choice but to recapture, reflag and remake the moon occupied by America and we must prepare for the upcoming American-Moon – Chinese-Mars war.  With faith, we can overcome.

    This can be just like Russia sneaking Sputnik to space before us.  We must take the lead in the space race once more.  It starts with China Commienauts kicking over our flag, it ends with us kneeling before the lurid loins of Mao.

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    Abe If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack. Follow me on twitters. Poke me as your New Friend on Facebook!!

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