• Rick Santorum is the Archangel Michael.

    April 3, 2012 6:54 pm 94 comments
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  • In the bible, the Archangel Michael is God’s favorite angel — the angel mentioned in Revelation as the LEADER of God’s armies and the one responsible for banishing Satan to a fiery, hellish existence, worse than anything M. Night Shemaleyan could conjure up. If my brothers at the Westboro Baptist Church were able to have a mascot, it’d be Michael, adorned in blood-stained garments, clutching a flaming, golden sword, touched by the hand of God.

    Michael’s brash leadership and passion for the Lord, our God, has long thought to exist only in the Bible, tucked away until the Day of Judgement. Yet, watching the American political landscape and the candidate race, I can’t help but notice this legendary man, the Archangel Michael in our midst.

    After much prayer, God has decreed to me that I should bring this evidence to national attention.

    That man, the one who Michael has embodied, a son of God, is Rick Santorum — a God-fearing, non-Mormon, family-orientated, pornography hating, homo-smiter.

     

    (Supporting LOCAL AMERICAN business, not outsourcing to India.)

     

    Yes, Rick Santorum loves a man — that man is God.

    During Santorum’s campaign he has shown remarkable courage in the face(s) of adversity — Gay Homosexuals in jock straps frolicking about at his campaign rallies, with their diseased and weathered testicles flopping around,  attempting to derail the momentum of the valiant Santorum’s efforts to cleanse America of its sinful and wretched.

    The threat of God-less Muslim extremists in Iran who have managed to frighten Hussein Obama into allowing them to continue with their nuclear arms program.

    Liberal Media smear campaigns, that include internet search engine Google listing Santorum’s name as a disgusting sex act done by gay homo pedophiles.

    (Ed. Note: Google was founded by a gay Danish man. “Google” means to perform oral sex on another man until the giver can no longer breath — i.e. “I totally Googled Bradley Cooper last night”)

    While these events would break a normal man and force him to succumb to the pressure, Santorum has trucked on, blazing a path of righteous hatred for all those wicked folks who bask in their own inequities. It is in the face of adversary, that we see Michael reveal his presence.

    Revelations 12: 7-9 states — “there was war in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven.”

    This battle has already begun. The dragon in this instance represents the phallic nature of the sinfully lustful gay homo community. Already we have seen gays try to posion Santorum with their message of acceptance and blind obedience.

    And Santorum has fought back, braver than ever. He kicked out two gay homos for simulating sex acts at one of his rallies and THEN formed a prayer group for them in order to reclaim their souls for the lord.

    His battles against the vices of society are mirror images of Michael’s plightin Revelation.

    Pornography? Banned under his rule, and for good measure. Rehab centers in cities nationwide are full of sexually rambunctious youths, willing to “experiment” sexually for hard drugs, such as ecstasy or a new Skrillex MP3 — often times with members of the SAME sex!

    The Chinese would no longer be able to spread their lax moral code regarding sex and cheap labor, as Santorum would undoubtedly build numerous manufacturing opportunities in vibrant, blue-collar, heterosexual communities such as Detroit, Cleveland or Stockton.

    In the Middle East, cave-dwelling savages known as “Muslims” threaten to disrupt the American way of life which we enjoy, by threatening to use crudely-built nuclear weapons, in a manner similar to 9/11. Where known “Muslim” sympathizer Hussein Obama has acquiesced to these demands, Santorum (or Michael) has let it be known that he will use the full might of US Military technology (God’s Armies) to vanquish these folks back to where they came from (Iran or “Hell”).

    Gay Homos shall be smite with the fury of ten thousand Sodomites. God is angrier than ever at America for allowing such a vile, inhumane act to run rampant throughout the country. Men kissing other men, Craig’s List being a erotic homo breeding ground, lesbians with bad haircuts exploring each other at a dubstep concert, young children wearing “Lady Gaga” clothing — the gay homo influence has spread to poison the tip of every tongue in America.

    Michael also had to battle these vices in Revelation. Is Santorum a reflection of Michael? Is this biblical prophecy coming true, AGAIN? I’d venture to say yes, as the bible has never steered me wrong before.

    The lord smote Egypt. He smote Sodom. And through Santorum he shall smote gay homos.

    He’ll be everywhere — magazines, newspapers, televisions, movies, books. There will be a ton of Santorum.

     

    A vote for Santorum might very well mean the end of days. And I’m A-OK with that.

     

     

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    About The Author
    Mark E. Figs Mark is an award-winning children's author, and Christian Conspiracy Theorist can be found on Facebook and Twitter -- (Mark E. Figs)

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