• Rob Delaney — The Pied Piper of Pornography.

    April 25, 2012 1:48 am 6 comments
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  • The internet has made it easier than ever for secular forces to corrupt our beautiful Christian children.

    Torrent sites give movies and dance music access to be illegally downloaded in bunches. Google makes pornography readily available for dirty, promiscuous inner-city teenagers. Tumblr encourages girls to have casual sex and casual abortions. Twitter gives celebrities a a chance to interact with fans and one another on a surpisingly personal basis.

     One of the biggest beneficiaries of this boom in technology is the sinful form of entertainment known as “comedy”.

    Meet Rob Delaney.


    (Eager to “bottom”, Mr. Delaney?? Hmm?)

    One of the fastest rising stars on Twitter AND THE WRETCHED COMEDY WORLD, Mr. Delaney has made the popular social media platform his own personal platform to spew his perverse, pornographic musings to a multitude of recepients. Every day Rob Delaney tweets several depraved “jokes” that range from necrophilia, to mocking God, to describing fantasies that include intimate sessions of gay sex with Dom DeLuise dressed as “Mayor McCheese.”

    Every day that Rob Delaney is allowed to tweet is another day that children are molested by him. His words and jokes are so vile that they erode innocence faster than NAMBLA members at a Justin Bieber concert.

     A recent Focus On The Family investigative report states that over 84% of every Rob Delaney tweet involves either “nipples” or “buttholes,” an honor not lost on the sick Mr. Delaney, as he has began calling himself the “Nipple and Butthole comedian.” Shirts emblazoned with his pedophillic gaze and unnerving beard on the front and “Sir-Mix-Alot Touched Me” on the back are flying off the shelves, with children as young as 5 having been seen wearing one! Despite these blatant FCC violations, Delaney is allowed to continue to tweet and travel FREELEY across the country to spread his message and inform our children about “having sex relations” with high-quality Arby’s sandwiches.

    I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not waste my money on a ticket to pornography, especially knowing that Kirk Cameron just released an amazing movie that I’d rather spend my money on.

    One of the saddest moments in my life occured after my nephew Bobby Sheffer went to a Rob Delaney “gig”. Before the gig, my nephew was on the way to fame and stardom due to his own comic prowess; a unique blend of Brian Regan, Morth Sahl and Creflo Dollar, his star burned bright in the Christian night sky.

    Until Bpbby saw Delaney perform, with his open disdain for religion and his mocking tale of having attended a “Gay Rehab” summercamp, in which beautiful, blessed believers help “pray the gay away” from unfortunate people who have caught the homosexual virus. After that show, my nephew was never the same.

    He wrote jokes about having “sex” to the Tetris soundtrack, freebasing “pot” and writing erotic “Veggie Tales” fan fiction. His brand of clean-cut, wholesome comedy went out the window; replaced instead by Delaney-influenced “comedy.”

    When I caught him manually pleasuring himself to TLC’s “Creep” music video, his reply was “It’s my life and I’ll be a transexual fa**ot if I want to, Uncle Mark.”

    All thanks to this, scantility-clad, hirstute beacon of sin known as Rob “Bobert” Delaney. The world is a much better place without jokes about “George Foreman getting into the Fleshlight business.”

    Rob Delaney has over 20494 followers. You know how many Jesus has?


    Why is everyone so afraid to let Jesus come inside them?

    Rob Delaney, you should be ashamed of yourself. With your constant proclamations of dirty sex acts, and your fondness for highly-addictive “marijuana pot” you should be locked in jail, not writing jokes. Once God wipes clean the modern day Sodom and Gomorrah (Twitter and Tumblr) you’ll be reduced to begging people on the street to let you tell them a joke for a puff of the Devil’s Root.

    Prayer group staus: Formed.

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    About The Author
    Mark E. Figs Mark is an award-winning children's author, and Christian Conspiracy Theorist can be found on Facebook and Twitter -- (Mark E. Figs)

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