There is nothing that makes atheist gays merrier than melting in the backside of innocence, so it’s no surprise that creating mushy flesh heated peeps and melted chocolate bunnies are on the top of their agenda this Easter holiday. Here we see an parkour wielding Eastergay bunny fleeing cops in the DC metro, and this is the very gay atheist Easter bunny that allegedly deflowered our poor Senator Newt Gingrich in a shocking row of nose-powdered revelry, drenched clothing and spent, exhausted bodies strewn about on Capitol hill.
EASTER 2012, WASHINGTON DC – Every Easter holiday, America lets her guard down as we mourn and celebrate the sacrifice of our nation’s true Savior, Jesus Christ. Just like every holiday (holyday), Jesus is the reason for the season. But there is no way you can spell season without sea, and that’s where our backside seeking seamen of sodomy take sail and try to corrupt even this holiday.
For years now we’ve been aware that gays enjoy dressing up as the Easter bunny. Much like a gay, the bunny has a high libido, loves to mount cats and is generally a very sick, flighty creature who flops and sashays all through the woodlands. And we all know gays love to be nestled in dense thicket of big trunked woodlands. So how can they turn down the chance to ruin a Christian holiday and play touchy-bunny with innocent unsuspecting children over the holidays?
There is nothing more savory to atheist gays than destroying Easter Sunday for good Americans. There is a certain glimmer of hope and joy these dainty hoppers get in their rumpseeking eyes when they offensively call our Lord and Savior a ‘zombie’ and they literally stamp their feet and gyrate like a Viagral-addicted rabbit in heat when they So this year it’s not surprising to find out the atheists have recruited gays to be especially naughty with their typical antics of placing rotten eggs in the baskets of children and melting the holiday chocolates with their musky flesh.
This year in Washington, DC, there is one gay atheist who is calling himself The Eastergay. Officials in DC think that he is French and has a high affinity for the sport of Parkour, a crazy game where homomen literally spring around from building to building, from tree to tree, using some sort of Satanic-crack enhanced power to do so.
Whatever the case, it’s not natural and the man to date has been able to elude police. But it’s the tragic story that follows that must serve as a warning to all of us. It is a tough story to report but the greater good is that all parents will be wary of any Easter ‘bunny’ and forgo the entire pagan ceremonies of collecting eggs or letting some anthropomorphizing exploiter have a reason to get your kids to sit on his lap.
The news we have to report today is shocking and not for the faint of heart. It involves Senator Newt Gingrich in what will ultimately end any campaign for him and make him a spokesman for what happens in an America that is not weary of the homogay agenda.
Friends, Newt Gingrich had his ‘holy basket’ stuffed full of gay creme filling last night. We do not know how it happened. The gays made Easter recipes of shame for him. We only saw the images of after-effects. According to reports, Newt Gingrich was found strewn about in a run-down alley, a few blocks away from Georgetown.
His body was bared and taped to his forehead was the picture we will share with you below. Responders at the scene confirmed Newt had ‘evidence of shameful trauma’ on his body. Callista has yet to comment on the horrors. American University School of Medicine officials will naturally not release of information of Gingrich due to strict HIPAA policy.
WARNING: The following image and article media section contains the destruction of the innocent and a true American hero. Shield the weak from seeing our American hero Newt Gingrich in this condition. Immediately demand women and children leave the room and listen to a loudly playing TV so they cannot hear you weep. Pray for yourself, this country’s future and Newt Gingrich.
The shame is so sad and strong here. Newt Gingrich’s pre Easter cupcakes have been defiled with a sharpie, as if he’s but a drunken collegiate idiot who uses alcohol to mask his loud-mouthed insecurity. Surely, the springing Eastergay villain plied Gingrich with Quaaludes or maybe Magic Mint in a DC bar, then when his mind was altered did terrible things to him at a Skittle rainbows house party where whoever picks the same color of skittles has to ‘taste the rainbow’ of the next person to pick that color from the bowl. Gingrich is so drunk and drugged here he has no idea what happened.
The Eastergay Bunny as he’s being called in DC is still on the loose. And beyond what happened to our dear friend Newt Gingrich this weekend, there are millions of these ‘secret men’ lurking in rabbit costumes. Instead of taking your child out to be a pagan, just go to a nice church or at least a cathedral for a proper mass. The alternative, well, just look at what happened to Newt.