• Satan Tricked Man Into Discovering DNA

    April 3, 2012 2:41 am 21 comments

    DNA is the code created by God 5000 years ago that ensures the continuing existence of His creation. While many throughout history have been able to simply leave well enough alone, too many others have the hubris to question and investigate that which has been given to us by the Almighty Creator. They have rode down the path of science in a monorail commissioned by Satan, built by Davinci and piloted by Darwin.  Two such men are the God haters and unwashed atheists James Watson and Francis Crick. Instead of just going by the most important science book there is, the Bible, they took it upon themselves to murder infant children for the purpose of drinking their blood for youth and sequencing the human genome.

    If you are reading this, you are on the internet. Do you feel it necessary to know every bit of code that allows God fearing people on America Online to dial into the internet? Do you need to analyze the code of Firefox to know it is the preferred browser of Satanists, or Opera to see that the code is simply the Qu’Ran typed into a java compiler? No. Neither do we need to sacrifice children to know that the stuff inside of them and all of us is written by the greatest programmers of all, God and Jesus. Jesus even came to implement the upgrade to Human 2.0, allowing the deletion of our sin cache.

    As soon as Gods authority was questioned by the discovery of human DNA, He gave us two things. Christian Scientists to use DNA to prove an almighty creator, and AIDS. Luckily for us, the AIDS continues to kill all types of homosexuals and Christian scientists have uncovered hidden messages in our DNA. Much how a computer programmer leaves notes in their programs to help out the next person to work on it, Jesus and God left many notes within our DNA to prove we are all descended from Adam and Eve.

    As a breath of fresh air for God fearing men women and children, researchers at the National Institute for Holy Science have used breakthroughs in Biblical interpretations and applied this new found information to the human genome. By breaking down the DNA into 66 equal segments for each book of the Bible, and comparing the 4 letters of DNA to each subsequent word that begins with that letter, they were able to decipher the code that God left inside each and everyone’s DNA.

    It explains that in the beginning of all time, God and unborn Jesus worked diligently for 5 and a half days to code, debug and finally implement man. In another startling revelation, they also explain away evolution by figuring out that each animal was simply a test program to make sure DNA worked before creating humans. Before he was cast into hell, Satan used his cunning to gain Admin level access into Jesus’ source code and attempted to code Homosex and Bestiality into early man, but Jesus pulled an all nighter to ensure this was purged and wouldn’t cause any runtime errors.

     

     

     

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    About The Author
    James Rutherford James Rutherford is a licensed Christian Physician who specializes in viruses that cause homosexual outbursts. He spends his free time studying the bible and collecting miniatures.

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