This Easter, Help Take Rick Santorum’s Good Name Back With This Delicious Santorum-Flavored Holiday Meal!
Senator Rick Santorum has devoted his life to promoting Christian love and charity in America. For his humble efforts, liberal media operatives have branded him with a libelously offensive label that defies decency, reason and any foundation of compassion. One man in particular, notorious pervert Dan Savage, has led the charge. Hacking into Google’s internet search engine technology, Savage was able to effectively defame the good Senator with the help of reckless hordes of unrepentant sodomites. They daily celebrate their success online with a tizzy of marijuana abuse, democrat party activism and a form of gay violation perversely known as “power bottoming.” These people are truly a horror show.
This glorious Easter holiday, let’s take back the noble name of Santorum! Let Santorum mean something both beautiful, wondrous and evocative! As a special patriotic feature, we have chosen to respect the Senator’s home state of Pennsylvania by unequivocally and permanently declaring: From this day forward, Santorum will hereby mean a savory mix of milk, potato chips and brook trout!
“Yes, of course!” many of you Keystoners are saying. Milk is the state drink of Pennsylvania, while brook trout is the commonwealth’s emblematic fish and the potato chip industry is one of the area’s foremost employers. Boiled together, they form a surprisingly delicious sauce that can be used to garnish any sort of meal or snack! Best of all, Santorum flavoring is rich in calcium, protein, vitamin B-12 and American-made starch. And your kids will love it!
Are you tired of dainty nachos that leave you limp wristed when you go in deep for those heavy, ethnic dips? Try Rick’s Santorum-Flavored Potato Chips where the thick, creamy taste is baked right in! No need to trawl the “foreign foods” aisle at the supermarket for expensive salsas, guacamoles and hummus, this taste is 100% American!
As Mother and the girls prepare the Easter feast in the kitchen, lay out a bag of Rick’s for the men in the rumpus room and leave them alone to share mouthfuls of salty, milky flavor. Scrumptious, hearty and sprinkled with that mysterious pang of masculinity, Santorum-Flavored party chips are the perfect adventure for the man whose taste buds yearn for something filling and fabulous!
Guys, are you worried that eating salad makes you look a bit homosexual? Worry no more with Wish Bone’s aggressively zesty Santorum Salad Dressing! It will bully your taste buds into submission like a gang of sweaty jocks in the locker room! There’s no room to escape when that marvelous Santorum richness holds you down and floods your mouth!
Once you’ve acquired a taste for those subtle hints of muksy delight, you’ll be parting lettuce leaves and rolling tomatoes aside to get right at that those thick gobs of Santorum in your tossed salad! Your tongue will dart every which way to lap up the pungent depths of this heartland flavor! And when that final blast of Santorum hits your lips, you’ll feel like a Tea Party favorite with a million dollar consulting gig! No amount of feminists, radical gays and hippies will hold you back from embracing America’s reawakened manhood when you have Santorum dripping from your chin!
Nothing brings the family together like a home-cooked meal, but have your wife’s dishes grown dull and tired? Spice up your holiday with the exciting bounty of a Santorum Glazed Easter Ham! It’s thick and juicy, sweet and smoky, just like Pennsylvania’s favorite Senator himself! We glaze our hams faithfully a dozen times over to give them that wet, tangy taste that you only get from a fresh piece of meat! That spunky explosion of Santorum is so succulent, you’ll want to suck it right out!
Outraged by all those liberal candy brands that don’t embrace family values? Rick’s Sugar Bunnies are the answer to your prayers! Not only are they stuffed with bursts of gooey, frothy Santorum-flavoring, they’re also delightfully shaped like bunny rabbits! Most thrilling of all, they’re uniquely crafted to invite great fun for the whole family!
Nothing says luck like rabbits! Teens will trade them for hugs and tugs! Pop a ripe one between Uncle Kevin’s lips and watch him gulp it in! Thank Cousin Sally for all her hard work and with a thick, creamy surprise! Hide one in your pocket and ask Nephew Timmy to find that extra spongy Easter package you’ve got specially for him! Mother might even enjoy a golden Santorum sparkle in her mouth at the end of a long night!
Finally, folks, the Santorum spectacular doesn’t have to end after Easter Sunday! With the help of the Tea Party hero himself, we have created an amazingly rich glaze just for men! It’s perfect for kitchen cooking or a backyard BBQ with the boys! We won’t tell you what’s in it, but we will say it once earned Senator Rick the nickname Senator Lick! Yes, Rick’s Glaze is certainly bone-lickin’ good, as guys from Dupont Circle to Pittsburgh’s Liberty Avenue will readily attest. So after your holiday festivities are done, save a little Santorum for the next time. Whenever that secret, frothy craving hits, pull it out just like Senator Santorum himself. Just don’t let Karen know!
Special thanks to stupendous Stuart Keyes for whipping up (and down!) this gorgeous Easter meal!
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Stephenson Billings
Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Facebook me here or Fanmail me: StephensonBillings@yahoo.com !
12:22 am
Take that, Dan Savage! Right in your face!
Hot debate. What do you think?
12 
39
7:29 pm
Why should anyone listen to anyone that looks like this?
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8:03 am
Come on Chuckie….You disappoint me, is that the best come back you have…. Fuck Face??
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8:31 pm
So that is what L.N looks like.
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8:33 pm
Chuck already made a joke and you make a poor attempt to cash in on it. Pathetic.
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8:27 am
Hey there you fucking christian morons celebrating your fairy tale myth about a someone returning from the dead….You imbeciles will believe anything!! After I eat a shit load of ham, I’m going to take a giant dump and wipe my ass with pages out of your fictional bible, perhaps Deuteronomy!! SCIENCE TRUMPS FAIRY TALES!!
Note: I don’t capitalize christian for same reason I don’t capitalize stupidity!!
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1
12:08 pm
What are you so ass hurt about white boy? Did you slip and fall ass first on the toilet plunger right after this pic?
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12:38 am
Billings…You have the weirdest way of wording things…You even managed to make Easter dinner sound dirty…
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1:05 am
Pedobillings spends his free time writing up erotica. Seriously, go look up his older shit, dude’s camping out in his closet.
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3:47 pm
Easter is a beautiful holiday where cherished memories are born! Don’t be the abortionists at our party, LN and Outboro.
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6:30 pm
Hey, you’re the one had made Easter sound dirty with your innuendos…
I celebrate Easter and I wouldn’t touch these products if it was all I had to eat.
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12:43 am
By the way friends, you can click on the images to make them HUGE!
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12:37 pm
why would I make them huge you pervert
ham glazed with santorum secret sauce … is the sauce white by any chance ?
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11:56 pm
It’s a bit coffee colored– the milk gives it whiteness while the trout darkens it. The potato chips give it a mealy, tacky texture. Sounds weird, I know, but it’s actually quite delicious.
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12:48 am
Brother Billings, you continue to outdo yourself. Kudos.
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1:15 am
They got some santorum fried chicken?
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1:21 am
I’m afraid not. Santorum doesn’t like your people.
http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2012/01/03/396428/santorums-racist-welfare-rant/
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3:10 am
I can’t wait to sit down and talk to my family about adding Santorum to our next meal
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8:05 am
I’d like to thank Brother Billings for making me a part of taking back the good Senator Santorum’s name.
It was a joy helping create these new products, as well as having the opportunity to try them out.
Several women of the community came together to help cook up & dish out samples of Chris†wire’s Santorum flavored meals to all of the hard working men in our town.
Here’s what one local townswoman had to say, “The Santorum flavors were so well received, I had the guys begging for more! I’ve never seen so many burly ranchers clamor for tossed salad & secret sauce!”
I, for one, am very excited to see these items showing up on local grocer’s shelves. And just in time to honor both Rick & Jesus Christ, on this upcoming Easter Sunday.
Bless you Brother Billings & Happy Easter to ALL of my Chris†wire Brothers & Sisters.
P.S. I don’t know about you guys, but I cannot wait to see what Sister Blanche whips up, using these fine products. She makes a holy concoction like no other… You can almost taste God.
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10:32 pm
Sister Blanche always presents a dish that thrills all 5 senses.
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10:23 am
“I, for one, am very excited to see these items showing up on local grocer’s shelves.”
How do you plan to sell these fake products exactly?
And nice try taking existing products (Rick’s chips is actually a bag of Kettle brand chips. The dressing actually being WishBone brand dressing. The marshmallow bunnies actually being Peeps. Etc.) and photoshopping “Christwire” and “Santorum” on there somewhere, best photoshop I’ve seen on here by far.
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10:26 am
How exactly do you think products labels are designed? Crayons and construction paper? This is how the adult world works, little guy. Stop being such a freak, Damien.
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10:29 am
You can’t just take existing product design and slap your name on them. You guys didn’t even change them enough from the original brand’s design to look any different, they still look like the old product.
“This is how the adult world works, little guy. Stop being such a freak, Damien.”
I happen to already be in the adult world. Never call me little guy.
I’m not the freak here Billings.
Who the hell is Damien?
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10:41 am
Little guy… We at Chris†wire are very successful at packaging & marketing our products. I do not think we need any criticism or advice from some 20-something know-it-all.
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10:47 am
“We at Chris†wire are very successful at packaging & marketing our products.”
So you think taking existing products, making minimum changes to the packaging, and claiming it as your own is successful?
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10:52 am
How many books do you have on the bookstore shelves, again?
Until you’ve entered the real world of marketing genius, your comments fall on deaf ears.
We stand firmly behind our products.
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10:59 am
So you’re judging my say in this matter by if I have a book? Just because I haven’t written a damn book dosen’t make me any less right.
“We stand firmly behind our products.”
They aren’t your products! I saw the actual versions of 3 of these products at work just last night! As I told Billings, slapping “Christwire” and changing 2 things dosen’t make it your product!
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11:04 am
Yes, for starters, Little guy.
7-11 doesn’t carry our products. (They’re godless mid-easterners.) So whatever look-a-likes you saw were probably fakes.
I can attest that these are Chris†wire products. Just because you do not want to believe it doesn’t make it not real.
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11:11 am
I don’t work at some crappy 7-11! I work at very nice grocery store.
The real versions I saw have been on the shelf since Before I’ve started working there. They are the real ones, yours are the fakes.
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1:08 pm
“We at Chris†wire are very successful at packaging & marketing our products.”
All you’re capable of doing is lying out your ass and doing things that are highly illegal, and then bitch about people. Godless heathen.
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1:56 pm
We have done nothing illegal at Chris†wire…
L.W. what IS illegal is threatening people with death & violence. I’m sure you know that tho.
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2:01 pm
How often do you play with 14 year old boys Ouroboros? What’s the attraction? It can’t be “innocence” if you’re eyeballing L.K… He’s as innocent as Satan.
Do you not like to play with adults? Or do you just “relate” to young boys better?
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2:03 pm
7-11 won’t take to that too well Ouroboros… Even if they are godless mid-easterners.
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2:08 pm
“How often do you play with 14 year old boys Ouroboros?”
What kind of question is that? Never.
“Do you not like to play with adults? ”
I do hang out with adults. All of my friends are adults.
“Or do you just “relate” to young boys better?”
What are you talking about? Where are you getting these questions?
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2:11 pm
“7-11 won’t take to that too well Ouroboros…”
True, I have just had issues with 7-11 due to negative visits there…
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11:00 am
Outerboroughs, you are quite simply an imbecile. “You can’t do this, you can’t do that!” you cry. Well, you know what? I JUST DID!
SO STICK THAT IN YOUR PIPE DAMIEN AND SMOKE IT!
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11:14 am
I’m the imbecile? I’m not the one stealing products, putting a different name on it, and claiming it’s original.
And who the hell is Damien?! My name isn’t even closeto Damien!
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11:46 am
Dear “Ouroboros”,
On behalf of Πλάτων and his descendants and the Canadian Motorcycle Club, I must object to your flagrant use of the symbol of a snake eating its own tail. You do not have the permission to distribute this image, nor do you have the right to associate it with your questionable lifestyle and sexual activities. I must ask that you cease and desist abusing online imagery or face the full consequences of our impressive legal team.
Please inform me how you located this image, when you downloaded it to your home computer and how often you distribute it with your personal agenda.
When SOPA is enacted, your reckless internet visual actions will result in you being arrested. In the meantime, I ask that delete all of your stolen images and post a public apology to all of us damaged by your barbaric actions.
Yours in Christ,
Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton
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11:56 am
Huh? The symbol of the Ouroboros isn’t owned by anyone. It’s just a symbol.
” your questionable lifestyle and sexual activities.”
Another huh? The Ouroboros has nothing to do with my lifestyle.
“. I must ask that you cease and desist abusing online imagery or face the full consequences of our impressive legal team.”
How about no. Bring on your legal team, dosen’t scare me one bit.
“Please inform me how you located this image, when you downloaded it to your home computer and how often you distribute it with your personal agenda.”
Let’s see, I got it on Google. Not telling you when. Never used the symbol outside of this site.
“When SOPA is enacted,”
SOPA is a joke. It would do nothing but ruin the Internet.
” I ask that delete all of your stolen images and post a public apology to all of us damaged by your barbaric actions.”
No. None of the images on my computer are stolen and I’m not deleting anything from my computer.
Also not apoligizing because I’ve done nothing wrong.
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12:06 pm
So you admit to stealing someone else’s imagery for your own purpose? I know you probably claim “fair use” and “artistic license” but I’m not buying it.
Just because you found it on Google, doesn’t mean it’s free. You have no knowledge whatsoever about the basics of copyright law.
Is it true you work in a 7-11? I guess I am wasting my time with an ignorant low class child and I’d prefer if you stop posting in this forum altogether. Your comments pain me for their obvious stupidity. You truly bring the rest of us down.
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12:11 pm
Good point, Doc! So outerboners, did you actually draw that image that you use? Is it your personal, trademarked artwork? I don’t know how you can claim it as yours when it’s someone’s else’s idea and someone else’s artwork.
You are a delightful hypocrite, by the way.
Santorum/Palin 2012!
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12:17 pm
Learn to read you ignorant bastard! I said i DON’T work at a 7-11! I would never work at a goddamn gas station.
No one owns the Ouroboros. It’s just a symbol such as the cross. No one owns it.
“Your comments pain me for their obvious stupidity”
So you find the truth stupid? That explains why you believe these obvious lies the people of Christwire post 24/7
“. You truly bring the rest of us down.”
You don’t need me to bring you down. You guys do that well enough by yourselves.
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12:23 pm
Billings, ive never claimed that this image is mine. I know it isn’t mine, I’m just using it because teres nothing stopping me since no one owns the Ouroboros. That dosen’t make me a hypocrite
Btw Billings, why the hell were you calling me Damien earlier?
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12:45 pm
Impressive legal team … PUHAHAHAHAHA
bring them On boys I will put each one of you in Jail for slandering terrorism and pedophilia as well and attempt to murder
seriously “DR” arthur bacon You don’t want to go this path with me
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1:07 pm
“So you admit to stealing someone else’s imagery for your own purpose?”
Do you admit to stealing the image of Jesus whenever you sell anything with his image on it or participate in a group where his image is being used?
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3:15 pm
“I guess I am wasting my time with an ignorant low class child..”
@ Bacon Pimpdon: Is it not enough that we drive your cabs, fill up your tanks and cook and deliver your meals, or stock up the shelves so that you comfortably reach out to find exactly what you are looking for? Now you feel high and mighty to insult those who you perceive as below you. But next time you order a soup, i’ll make sure from across the pond that it will come with a special ingredient.And that will not be santorum.
Courtesy of Tyler Durden
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4:29 pm
There goes Claire with her “who’s been here the longest” talk. Only you care about that stuff, Claire. Dr. Plimpton is a member of the Fellowship, so his opinion matters, your opinion does not. Now got cuddle with a kitten or whatever you do for fun and let the adults talk here.
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4:50 pm
I am not pleased to be the target of your displaced angst, Claire. Frankly, I am a Christian and a doctor and so I find myself on this website to share my knowledge and embrace those who have faith such as I do.
You? I have no idea who you are nor have I ever met you before. Is this your first time on this website? We expect a bit more decorum amongst posters here so please obey the rules.
Your situation is all too predictable with it comes to feminine tempers. A cold shower or the distraction of home life can help you with that unnatural anger. You might even need to do some breathing exercises and push-ups (but not too many, musculature is unbecoming on young females).
Yours faithfully,
Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton
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7:10 pm
Dear Claire Bear –
Arthur is a DOCTOR. Please show him a little bit of respect, little lady.
Your friend,
Topps
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7:11 pm
Claire! Can you keep that insanely insane ego in check for JUST ONE DAY! You’re always bragging and demanding that everyone bow down to your authority. What a laugh.
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7:19 pm
You know, Dr. Billings, at first I was a bit upset at Claire talking that way to an elder and valued member of the flock, but then I read your comment and I had a chuckle. It is kind of funny in a way. Whenever Claire gets all bossy and acts out her fantasies on the weird wide web. Laughing Out Luod! Laughter is the spice of life. I wonder how much Jesus laughed? I bet when he laughed he shook all over!!! A great big belly laugh!!! Well, anyway, I just wanted to say hello and I hope to buy some of the ham. God Bless!
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7:23 pm
Topper. Seriously. Anyone can put a title in their name on the internet. But that doesn’t make it true. I can put “Sir” in front of my name, but that doesn’t make me a freaking knight now does it?
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7:29 pm
I am his royal highness, Prince Ouroboros! Exalted leader of the 38 and 1/2 dimension and commander of the royal army of robotic cows.
See, titles on the Internet are pointless because they amount to nothing. Someone on the Internet who calls themselves doctor amounts to the amount of pointlessness of my made up title above.
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7:34 pm
I have “skyped” with Dr. Blimpton quite recently. He is indeed a Doctor! He showed me his certificate and everything. Your jealousy is showing, Damien.
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7:38 pm
“He showed me his certificate and everything.”
And yet he won’t show his certificate to anyone else. Try harder clown because you aren’t very believable…
And who the hell is Damien? I’m goin to have to assume that “Damien” is Billings and your imaginary friend since my name isn’t even close to Damien.
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7:38 pm
Well then, I’m sure Pedobillings wouldn’t mind sharing that certificate with everyone if he wants this claim to be true. After all, it’s something that people proudly hang in their office in plain sight so it’s not like there’s any personal information that could be hazardous in the wrong hands, and even if so, there’s still editing that out in paint with simple blocks of color.
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7:41 pm
“And who the hell is Damien?”
Damien is someone who Pedobillings apparently had a hate-crush on. I remember now that Pedobillings demanded that Damien and I hand over topless pictures of ourselves to him for his enjoyment. Odds are Clownboy thinks you’re one and the same. Wouldn’t be surprised, he shares the same intellect as Pedobillings, and that bastard keeps confusing me with several other people (I remember him calling me Claire once).
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7:44 pm
So wait…Billings and The pathetic clown can’t tell the difference between commenters now? Wow…thats just sad
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7:45 pm
Rottenboroughs doesn’t believe in intellectual property rights.
He supports sickos who make pornography out of children’s cartoons.
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7:49 pm
Can you blame us we can’t keep you cretins straight? You all blurt out the same nonsensical dribble! And I thought I made it clear before that I refer to Stephenson as “Dr.” purely out of respect. I don’t believe he has a PhD, but he is certainly a credentialed, Christian Investigative Journalist. And perhaps he does have a PhD and is just playing coy. He’s a modest man of Christ. And we LOVE him for it!
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10:38 pm
Ouroboros never answered the question, “why do you have a picture of taking a snake down the throat as your avatar?”
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3:04 am
Easy answer Cassidy.
I use the Ouroboros as my avatar because I happen to like the idea of the endless cycle of life, death, and rebirth
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11:58 am
Outerboroughs sure is uppity for a guy who spends his day making slushies and putting Pringles cans in neat rows. I guess that’s what you get in Obama’s America, semi-employed college dropouts who feel entitled to act like tyrants because of their “informed” liberalism. This bright light wouldn’t know a university textbook if it was in the Hot Pockets aisle.
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12:11 pm
You ignorant sonofabitch. I said I DON’T work at some damned 7-11! I’m the night crew foreman, meaning I’m the boss of night crew. 7-11 slaves would kill to have a job like mine considering working at 7-11is pitiful.
“semi-employed college dropouts. ”
How can you semi-employed?
I’m not a college dropout since I never went to college in the first place. Such a waste of time and money.
” to act like tyrants because of their “informed” liberalism. ”
Huh? Liberalism has nothing to do with this argument whatsoever.
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12:16 pm
That’s too bad. THe night shift is really the worst and they always put the dregs of society on the job then. I guess they don’t want the public to interact with those freaks, or even see them in daylight. Weird thing is that the late shift always attracts the junkies, the pedos and the drunks. They like the darkness as it covers up their degeneracy.
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12:20 pm
Just shut the fuck up Billings and stop making assumptions.
Everyone on my night crew are good people with absolutely nothing wrong with them. There are no freaks on night crew. You’re just assuming that.
Like you know of anything outside of your abusive mother’s basement. How’s your pathetic life treating you Billings?
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1:04 pm
The can only be one other person on a night crew at 7-11… Don’t break your arm patting yourself on the back there, Little Man.
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1:09 pm
Keyes, don’t you have something better to do, you uneducated prick? Or are you still just being so much of a coward that you feel like insulting people because you lack a proper life of your own?
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1:09 pm
*There
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1:10 pm
L.W. I thought you were ignoring me. Don’t you have a kitten to strangle or something?
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1:12 pm
Well Pies, you decided to open your trap up after awhile, so I figured that just maybe you stopped being such a pissing coward. Turns out I was wrong.
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1:14 pm
If I recollect, your the coward that threatens everyone on his computer monitor.
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1:17 pm
You beat your wife when you can’t come up with an actual point, which is to say, all the damn time whenever you try to say anything. You even admitted to doing such a thing, considering your irrational hatred of the human race.
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1:27 pm
There you go again… Justifying your own hatred by making up “facts” about me, before you make some sort of outlandish, nonsensical point.
Your like a broken record, that ends with a death threat.
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1:28 pm
“The can only be one other person on a night crew at 7-11″
Learn to read! I said I DON’T work at a goddamn 7-11. You wanna know where I wear so you guys can stop assuming stuff? Fine, I work at a King Soopers. You know multiple aisles filled with products that need stocked at night? That requires more than one person.
Can you all stop being idiots now?
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1:30 pm
I don’t think L.H. “Law” can stop being an idiot.
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1:31 pm
Pies, do you deny beating your wife? Then what, pray tell, did you do to her to get her to ‘confess’ something that you adamantly believed in just by a mere glance? You stated that she broke down in tears, and based on what you said, odds are it wasn’t because of shame.
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1:35 pm
So, L.N., you’re admitting to making up your own facts about me. Thanks. I appreciate that. Maybe we can have a more open dialog now.
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1:37 pm
Where did I say I was lying? I’m merely saying that if you deny my claims, then tell us what you perceive to be the truth of the situation.
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1:38 pm
“I don’t think L.H. “Law” can stop being an idiot.”
I was talking about you and Billings…If you haven’t noticed, L.N. and I are usually on the same side…
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1:42 pm
No perception needed L.G. I know the truth. It is you & your ilk that have made up this whole “wife beating” scenario based on items you cherry pick from a bible.
You have then turned your hunches & bible studies into an imagined storyline about me.
Sounds like a lie to me.
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1:47 pm
Ouroboros don’t call yourself an idiot… You always seemed so much smarter than a 14 year old, like L.D.
Unless…???
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1:55 pm
You must really be an idiot if you don’t relize I’m calling you (You=Stuart) an idiot…
What’s with the “unless…???” at the end of your comment…
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2:16 pm
“Unless” you like the company of 14 year old boys like L.N…
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2:23 pm
I don’t think L.N. is 14…Hey L.N. without giving out your age, aren’t you older than 14?
Anyway, refer to my other comment that dispels your assumption that I hang out with 14 year olds since I don’t see a reason to say it again.
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5:00 pm
Am I older than 14? Oh most definitely. In fact, I’m older than a legal adult. Pies is just as mature as a 5 year old.
“It is you & your ilk that have made up this whole “wife beating” scenario based on items you cherry pick from a bible.”
No, no I didn’t. No one here has done it. You flat-out said that you hate the Dutch, so much so that when you found out your wife was part Dutch, that that alone was apparently enough of a reason for you to distrust her even after knowing her for 35-40 years and caused you to go into some frenzy where you forced her to say she was Dutch, and even stated that she broke down in tears when making this ‘confession’. Now, here’s the thing: what causes someone to break into tears when ‘confessing’ something? The obvious answer is abuse, and because you’ve shown no respect for Dutch people whatsoever, it’s not far off from saying that you must’ve done something to her like, say, beat her. It’s also why I say you laugh at dead soldiers; how do you know that there haven’t been people of Dutch ancestry who have fought and died for this country? You say some extremely vile things about people, completely relentless to them, and then get offended when someone does the same to you. The difference is, while your vile things are lies you concocted due to your blind hate and rage, the vile things said about you are based on truth, based on your being, based on your views.
Yet, you can’t accept that, can you? You think you’re as perfect as humanly possible, that when you die, Jesus will greet you and give you a handshake. You can’t fathom the idea that you’re a soulless, hateful bastard who deserves to die for saying so many lies and producing so much bile and hate, that when you die, you’ll face a hell that you can’t even begin to imagine.
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5:06 pm
“Am I older than 14? Oh most definitely. In fact, I’m older than a legal adult.”
Thought so. With that knowledge, that makes Keyes’ accusations of me pointless.
Thank you L.N.
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6:05 pm
I remember down here they always put people on the night shift that they wanted to get rid of. Cheaper for them to quit on their own they lay them off and have to pay unemployment. Most people take the hint and know their company wants them out the door when they are forced into an overnight job.
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6:13 pm
Night crew isn’t a bad thing. I started on night crew, the hours are great because it frees up my days and the pay is better than day jobs.
Just because the night crew people near you are freaks, dosen’t make every night crew.
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6:25 pm
Holy Moses L.G…. You expect me to read all of that dribble from your venom soaked brain???
From what I can gather, you believe people only cry if you physically hurt them. Probably based on a bunch of “facts” you just made up.
And, I see it ends with you wishing death on me!! Good on you L.9.!
Your continued ignorance astounds me.
The irony of you coming to the Chris†wire site to preach to us your idea tolerance & acceptance… all the while being very intolerant & non-accepting.
Out of curiosity… How many people have you saved from the ravages of Chris†wire? Are you a hero?
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6:30 pm
Ouroboros, I’m glad you feel exonerated by way of L.G.’s made up age.
That revelation should make one wonder tho? What was the worry for?
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9
6:34 pm
“That revelation should make one wonder tho? What was the worry for?”
Worry? Oh no no, there was no worry. Just with L.N.’s confirmation that he is older than 14, that makes your question of “do I hang out with 14 year old boys like L.N.” irrelevant now.
I wasn’t worried, I was just dispelling the question.
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6:45 pm
I read Pies’ response as “DERP DERP DERP IMA STUPID DERP”. After all, if he isn’t going to take the time to read a response, why should I treat him with any dignity or respect? The moron thinks I made a death threat towards him when I said nothing of the sort. Goes to show how ‘intelligent’ the fool is.
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7 
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7:02 pm
You saw it here, folks, L.S. admits that he’s an idiot! Since his cult can’t tell sarcasm from the truth, there’s no way that what he’s saying is sarcasm, which means that he must be saying it literally!
To quote L.N., “DERP DERP DERP IMA STUPID DERP”.
Forever these words will be marked as the description of this son of a bitch!
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7:11 pm
Pies, you have to try to be as stupid as you are, considering you took what I said out of context. That right there just completely blows your entire stupid rambling out of the water.
Try harder next time, cupcake.
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7:29 pm
L.Q. you’re not worth putting much effort into. You’re a self-aggrandizing self-righteousness joke of a human being. Remember the first thing you ever posted to me was about you wanting me killed by a shotgun to the face or something… How pleasant of an introduction & now you expect/demand my respect. Ha. Ha. Ha.
You just want things Law’s way… No other way is acceptable unless they (you commenting companions) kiss L.U.’s ring first. Your self-importance is laughable, at best.
And speaking of ignorance… you’ve ignored every question we’ve ever asked you. (In fact, I just asked you two simple one’s earlier & all you can do is talk down to me… your intellectual superior.)
I still say, you’re a simpleton. An angry, lonely, self-loathing simpleton.
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7:34 pm
You talk down to others and ignore their questions, why shouldn’t people show you the exact same kind of respect you give them?
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2
7:49 pm
O’Rubberous, we already know that you work at a racist supermarket that doesn’t employ Mexicans, Guatemalans, Salvadoreans or Hondurans.
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7:51 pm
And now you handily prove my point… Ignore, hate, project.
All hail his holiness L.T.! What a maroon!
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7:56 pm
What?! exbrony I have never said anything of that sort!
Our grocery store happily employs anybody of any race.
Where did you come up with this lie?!
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10:43 pm
I saw an ashtray with Ourboros’ avatar carved into it for $9.99 at the 7/11.
Coincidence?
I report, You decide.
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11:49 pm
Rottenboroughs, You told me that there are no Mexicans or Central Americans working with you. Do you seriously think none applied for the jobs?
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12:42 am
When did I say no Mexicans work at my store? All I remember is you assuming I worked in some gang riddled neighborhood and me telling you that you’re wrong. I don’t even do the hiring, it’s one of the higher ups that does…I don’t even get to see an application until they’re already hired
@Cassidy. I say you’re lying. Even if you did see an ashtray with the Ouroboros carved into it, it wouldn’t have anything to do with me since I avoid 7-11′s at all times and I DON’T work there.
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1:45 am
To call me a liar with absolutely no proof is reprehensible. You’re just as mouthy and disrespectful as the jerky slingers I see working at my local 7/11. I try not to go in that place either unless I really need to because the clerk will either yell at me to hurry up or tell me I can’t park my john deere in the handicapped spot. It’s no way to treat a veteran that served in Nam, Thailand, and in central America under Col. North but I’ve already told you more than I’m supposed to about that.
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1:48 am
O’Rubberous,
I didn’t say that you were the racist. It just sounds like your store’s hiring practices are, shall we say, a bit suspect.
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3:09 am
“It just sounds like your store’s hiring practices are, shall we say, a bit suspect.”
Huh maybe…now that I think about it, even though we have multiple races working here…Most workers are white…
I’m not even sure…I have nothing to do with hiring so I don’t know much about it…
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4:54 am
Just following orders, eh? That didn’t help anybody at Nuremburg.
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1:05 pm
Billings, you bitch SOOO much about ad hominem attacks, and yet that’s all you’re capable of doing. Why are you so hypocritical? You can’t find fault with someone’s argument or point, so you just attack their character, saying that ‘they’re uneducated’ or ‘they’re worthless members of society’ or ‘they’re apart of some minority group’. You’ve never once had the balls to actually do any research whatsoever, so instead, all you’re capable of doing is saying that someone is wrong because of something completely unrelated to ANYTHING whatsoever.
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1:08 pm
L.8. Please add a death threat to your posts… I can’t recognize them otherwise.
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9
1:10 pm
Keyes, you mind coming up with something intelligent for once, or did you poke your brain when you poked your eye as well?
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1:13 pm
Wow… you really dug deep for that one L.H. I am so defeated by your mental prowess, I am beside myself in shame. Your intelligence is only matched by the likes of Einstein or perhaps Hawkins…
All hail L.M. Seer of all, doer of nothing.
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1:16 pm
You saw it here, folks, Pies admits that he’s been defeated! Since his cult can’t tell sarcasm from the truth, there’s no way that what he’s saying is sarcasm, which means that he must be saying it literally! Though, he’s talking to two different people (must’ve really fucked up his other eye as well), he still has said that he’s beside himself in shame! Forever these words will be marked as the description of this son of a bitch!
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1:22 pm
Whatever helps you sleep, pumpkin.
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1:23 pm
I especially like the “All hail L.M. Seer of all, doer of nothing.” part of my serious comment.
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1:25 pm
You still said you were ashamed, and the fact that you threw an insult in there isn’t surprising. You really need to think before you speak, stupid.
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1:29 pm
That’s rich coming from the likes of you… Poor, poor child.
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6:07 pm
You’re getting my comments confused with someone else’s. ANd I do not make unsubstantitiated attacks. I am quite informed about the habit of folks like you, I’ve been studying your types all my life. I actually am here to help people just like you. You’re so committed to Obamna and some free welfare and health care society, how do expect America to pay for all this? You simply cannot connect the dots.
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6:19 pm
“You’re getting my comments confused with someone else’s.”
No, you bitch about ad hominem attacks all the time, and yet you then say ‘well, you’re on welfare!’ without proof, or you say something else that’s equally unprovable, and you use that as your argument instead of something that’s grounded and based on reality.
“ANd I do not make unsubstantitiated attacks.”
Yeah, yeah you do. You keep calling me a ‘Californian pot-smoking hipster’ along with anyone else that’s against you.
“I am quite informed about the habit of folks like you, I’ve been studying your types all my life.”
You wouldn’t recognize me if I walked past your house this very instant, all you do is generalize and stereotype and just run with that.
“I actually am here to help people just like you.”
Telling people that they’re wrong for the decisions they’ve made based entirely on rules that you’ve set up is NOT helping.
“You’re so committed to Obamna and some free welfare and health care society, how do expect America to pay for all this? You simply cannot connect the dots.”
There’s a helluva lot more things to worry about, and you keep saying that ‘Obamacare’ is so bad without saying just WHY it’s bad, you just say ‘it’s socialisim’ and then run off like the coward you are. You can’t produce numbers, you can’t produce reasons, all you can do is produce lies. All you care about is who’s in office, you don’t give a fuck about their policies, just as long as they’re a Conservative Christian, and as long as one’s in office, you don’t give a shit, you think all’s fine and dandy with the world.
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6:30 pm
As I go through life, I hope to learn and grow. I find knowledge exciting and I welcome the world of new things. You, on the other hand, are a cliche of bad ideas, ignorance and blind arrogance. You do not grow, but devolve into deeper forms of bigotry and stupidity. Where do you see yourself in ten years? I really hope you change but you have ZERO plans to do so. Are you happy with yourself?
I find it fascinating that you’re so ashamed about yourself you share nothing of your biography. I feel sad that your life is so low, but don’t be ashamed! Many people suffer, you’re not alone.
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6:45 pm
“I find it fascinating that you’re so ashamed about yourself you share nothing of your biography.”
Shame? I’m perfectly content with myself, and I know better than to bring something out that you fools would be more than happy to twist and demonize and try to destroy.
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7:02 pm
Don’t even address my concerns? You are ashamed. I guess the problems in your life really are that big.
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7:14 pm
Pedobillings, all you do is project onto others. That’s all you’re capable of doing. You ignore the responses of others in favor of your own stupidity and you come up with answers to your own responses in place of what you saw.
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5 
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3:41 pm
These products look wonderful, but I’m worried. Doesn’t the Ten Commandments state, Thou shall not eat pork? I certainly don’t want to put any unholy meat in my mouth.
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4 
1
7:20 pm
Stephenson and Stuart will make the best gay couple ever. They’re both so stupid, they’re so perfect for each other.
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8 
2
7:22 pm
Eh, Clownboy’s already eying Billings. He’s so desperate for love, he thinks clowns are enjoyable.
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7 
2
7:23 pm
SHUT UP!!!!
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3 
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8:04 pm
Boys, stop fighting over me! There’s more than enough Billings to go around! (Even for you, LN.)
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7:24 pm
“He’s so desperate for love, he thinks clowns are enjoyable.”
I think I just threw up a little bit…Who in their right mind even likes clowns?!
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7:25 pm
I LOVE clowns!
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7:26 pm
Billings and Clownboy do. They both have the makeup and everything and even swap ‘clown nose tips’.
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7:29 pm
Half-true. Dr. Billings is more advanced in the clown arts than I. He does the tip-dishing and I am usually on the receiving end. Great fun!
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7:32 pm
Toppers if I may make a suggestion. Id find a job that dosen’t usually end with children in tears.
No one likes clowns. The only thing more pathetic than a clown, is a religious clown…Oh wait that would be you.
“He does the tip-dishing and I am usually on the receiving end”
Another suggestion, stop saying things like this.
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7:36 pm
“He does the tip-dishing and I am usually on the receiving end.”
Apparently you’re starting to be just as bad as Pedobillings is if you’re letting it bleed as well.
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8:05 pm
The clown discrimination is not appropriate! Children love clowns and they’ve almost a sacred type of entertainment in some places!
RESPECT!
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8:15 pm
Oh yes, let’s respect the guys who wear makeup and frighten little kids by being annoyingly creepy
“Children love clowns”
Get a kid a bouncy house for his birthday an I’m sure he’ll be a lot happier with it than if you hired a clown.
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8:17 pm
Sounds like you’re describing emosexuals, not clowns, Ouro.
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8:26 pm
No, I am most Definately talking about clowns. I mean who would even miss clowns if people stopped becoming them?
They are pointless and the only laughs they deserve are ones of pity.
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9:55 pm
If you want to play little boy, you can come sit in my lap when I’m dressed up Outboros. Maybe revisiting your childhood would help you deal with all that bottled frustration down there.
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10:16 pm
Billings, why do you keep saying really creepy things?
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11:17 pm
What’s so creepy? As a children’s entertainer I do this every day. I am not quite sure why this has you upset, but you’re really letting your imaginations run wild if you see something dirty in what I commented. And you accuse me of having a perverted mind!
But seriously, I would love to have you little guys sit in my lap. We could really get to know each other.
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11:31 pm
Billings, you’re calling 20+ year old men ‘little guys’ and telling them to sit on your lap.
Why can’t you see how creepy you are?
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11:54 pm
Do you like balloon animals? I can make some for you!
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12:44 am
Billings…I never wanted to meet you before and I sure as hell never want to now that I know you’re a clown.
Get a life Billings…One that dosen’t make you sound creepy as hell
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12:31 am
I get a lump in my throat when I think of how much love it takes for a Christian Clown to volunteer time for the children. The left winged fanatics on this forum are indeed bigoted against clowns. Just because one was found to have created pornographically endowed balloon animals and transported them across state lines to give to children, these liberal loons paint a wide brushstroke of blame and contempt over all who take the duties and dedication of the clown arts seriously including the ones that truly have love for children.
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1:38 am
“Just because one was found to have created pornographically endowed balloon animals and transported them across state lines to give to children”
I’m not judging clowns from the actions of one clown. I just think all clowns in general are pathetic.
“dedication of the clown arts seriously including the ones that truly have love for children.”
Why should we take the clown arts seriously? Who in their right kind wants to wear make up and retarded clothes and attempt to entertain children.
Clowns are relics of a time when people somehow found them entertaining.
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5 
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7:22 pm
THEY ARE NOT GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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3 
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7:24 pm
I’ll say that Pies isn’t, he hasn’t shown nearly the same level of homophobia as the rest of you cretins. Billings? That son of a bitch practically writes homo-erotica so often that it bleeds into his regular communication skills.
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7 
4
7:52 pm
At least he has communication skills.
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3 
8
8:05 pm
What is all this about pie?
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4 
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8:07 pm
I’d love to get some makeup on LN and Claire. That would be FUN!
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5 
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10:53 pm
It might help them find a date.
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7 
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11:19 pm
LN would have to get out of bed and make nice with a bar of soap first.
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5 
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11:30 pm
Billings, I’m not like you, I have an actual life, and I don’t need to make an imaginary girlfriend just to feel better about myself.
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11:50 pm
The bar of soap would be needed to wash out their filthy mouths.
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12:30 am
What a great article, Stephenson! Rick Santorum has been a personal role model of mine for over a decade now, and it broke my heart when that homogay heathen Dan Savage tried to redefine his holy surname. I will be eating Santorum daily in hopes of a future Rick Santorum presidency and in hopes of reclaiming America, and the first step is reclaiming Santorum!
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9:45 am
Thanks buddy! Always wonderful to hear from you. Now, I hope the people of Pennsylvania hear as well!
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9:35 am
I agree with Christopher Christenson in saying that was a great article. I LMFA0. Again, Mr. Billings is a master of the written word!
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4:34 am
The comments just made my day. :’D
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1 
0
4:55 pm
Miss, are you usually so persistent and mouthy? I don’t think that’s a personality that will be winning for you long term. Life is short, we must all appreciate that, and you need to focus on your talents. The feminine psyche is famous for its empathy and emotion. Leave the pursuit of logic and justice aside, these tasks are possibly beyond your simple grasp. This advice might fall on deaf ears, but as an older person who has seen the fullness of life, I feel an obligation to share it with you today. Young emotional brats grow up to be lonely cruel witches.
Dr. Plimpton
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11:05 pm
Sing me a song Claire… Something the cats will like.
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5:01 pm
Bacon, why are you so hateful?
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5:08 pm
I only hate those who are undermining our cultural heritage. I am against the radical feminization of America. I have disdain for these things because their success is my destruction. Survival of the fittest, you see. This is why I am against the subcultures like yours.
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5:34 pm
So you hate the concept of equality, the concept of America then?
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6:10 pm
America was founded as a Christian nation with Christian people in mind, LN. We have messed that all up by opening the borders and lettting freak like you fly your freaky flags. The oirginal idea was a country where people had a center of morality, a backbone of Christian teaching. We expected our citizens to be capable. Since then, we have devolved into mayhen where sex perverts like yourself have far too much freedom. The pendulim is swinging back our way, and that’s how it should be.
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6:53 pm
“America was founded as a Christian nation with Christian people in mind, LN.”
No, it was founded on two different premises. It was discovered out of greed, and it was settled because it was a land that people could get to and be away from the terror of the monarchy at the time. Since America’s foundation, it’s goals have drastically changed, and all of the changes point to one thing: equality. We wouldn’t have given slaves their freedom or their rights had the idea of equality not existed in someone’s head, and we wouldn’t have given women their rights had the idea of equality not existed in someone’s head, and now homosexuals are wanting equal rights to marry and have the benefits of a marriage because of the concept of equality.
“We have messed that all up by opening the borders and lettting freak like you fly your freaky flags.”
Sounds like you’re admitting to be a racist, xenophobic asshole there, Pedobillings.
“The oirginal idea was a country where people had a center of morality, a backbone of Christian teaching.”
No, the original idea was that people were sick of being told what to do while others didn’t have to abide by those rules, so they decided to hike to America and not have to hear about the bitching and complaining from the monarchy. The revolution occurred because people were getting sick of STILL having to pay taxes and whatnot to a leader who isn’t doing anything for them in the long run. Generalized ideas, but a helluva lot more accurate than your dribble.
“We expected our citizens to be capable. Since then, we have devolved into mayhen where sex perverts like yourself have far too much freedom. The pendulim is swinging back our way, and that’s how it should be.”
You THINK the pendulum is swinging back your way, when the reality is it’s freedom and equality that’s being thrown in your face. You negatively label everything you see that’s different without one care for the repercussions or how others think. You want others to live their lives according to a book that you don’t even bother following, and whenever you’re confronted with the truth, you just throw out a random bible passage or yell out something completely incoherent or stupid.
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7:16 pm
WRONG!
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7:21 pm
Pedobillings, are you going to even try to explain why I was wrong with actual facts, or are you just going to scream and cry like a little bitch?
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7:50 pm
Enough of that misogynist language, LN.
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