Recently, ChristWire contributor and award-winning children’s author Mark E. Figs released a devastating indictment of Skrillex, the inventor of “dubstep”. He wrote, “As long as Skrillex wins Grammys and is accepted by mainstream media, he will claim souls for Satan and molest our children through his perverse philosophy of futuristic devil machine music.”
No more Grammies for you Skrillex! Satan is a clever creature and knows how short an attention span today’s youth possesses. So let me introduce you to dubstep’s next perverse sensation – Tommy Life. Tommy Life is a mind terrorist from the same country that unleashed LillyHammer, a corrupt show detailing how Norwegian culture can destroy American values. His Devil machine music has been baking in the furnace of Hell for months and is now open for business.
Tommy Life was largely unknown to America until this past Christmas when Norway banned butter throughout the country due to its socialist shortcomings. Tommy Life, acting as the Norwegian foreign secretary, unleashed a blasphemous tirade on YouTube decrying American laughter over Norway’s self-inflicted troubles:
The reaction was swift and immediate – America and the rest of the Free World(tm) condemned Tommy Life as a threat to humanity. In typical attention whoring common among the wretched Norwegian people, Tommy Life started auditioning in various venues, including this one for a computer game:
In a bid to appeal to American southern sensibilities, Tommy Life introduced us to his “wife”, Vicky in a medley of Lady Gaga songs but no one was buying this sham marriage for one minute:
And so it’s led to this moment, a full on, frontal assault on dubstep with the debut of Tommy Life’s debut album:
I know that I’ve failed the Lord many times, but I am still a praying man. Won’t you pray with me?
Our Father, who art in Heaven and Old Country Buffets,
Deliver us from Evil, Dubstep, and from Tommy Life
Thy Kingdom Come, bring back Swing and three piece suits
We ask this in your name, Amen.