Tommy Life Dethrones Demonic Dubstep’s King of Perversity Skrillex
Recently, ChristWire contributor and award-winning children’s author Mark E. Figs released a devastating indictment of Skrillex, the inventor of “dubstep”. He wrote, “As long as Skrillex wins Grammys and is accepted by mainstream media, he will claim souls for Satan and molest our children through his perverse philosophy of futuristic devil machine music.”
No more Grammies for you Skrillex! Satan is a clever creature and knows how short an attention span today’s youth possesses. So let me introduce you to dubstep’s next perverse sensation – Tommy Life. Tommy Life is a mind terrorist from the same country that unleashed LillyHammer, a corrupt show detailing how Norwegian culture can destroy American values. His Devil machine music has been baking in the furnace of Hell for months and is now open for business.
Tommy Life was largely unknown to America until this past Christmas when Norway banned butter throughout the country due to its socialist shortcomings. Tommy Life, acting as the Norwegian foreign secretary, unleashed a blasphemous tirade on YouTube decrying American laughter over Norway’s self-inflicted troubles:
The reaction was swift and immediate – America and the rest of the Free World(tm) condemned Tommy Life as a threat to humanity. In typical attention whoring common among the wretched Norwegian people, Tommy Life started auditioning in various venues, including this one for a computer game:
In a bid to appeal to American southern sensibilities, Tommy Life introduced us to his “wife”, Vicky in a medley of Lady Gaga songs but no one was buying this sham marriage for one minute:
And so it’s led to this moment, a full on, frontal assault on dubstep with the debut of Tommy Life’s debut album:
I know that I’ve failed the Lord many times, but I am still a praying man. Won’t you pray with me?
Our Father, who art in Heaven and Old Country Buffets,
Deliver us from Evil, Dubstep, and from Tommy Life
Thy Kingdom Come, bring back Swing and three piece suits
We ask this in your name, Amen.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Kelvin Fortescue
Kelvin Maximillian Fortescue is an investigative journalist specializing in science, religion, and politics. Nothing stops him from plumbing the darkest depths of the pantheistic/atheistic liberal agenda. Friend him on Facebook!
12:30 am
“Skrillex, the inventor of “dubstep”.”
Pffft, Skrillex wishes he invented Dubstep…Hell, he wishes he was even a Dubstep artist. He’s just an electro pop artist who claims to be Dubstep
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1:36 am
Ourboros, I don’t think you’re in a position to make any knowledgeable claims about dubstep.
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3:34 am
If you think Skrillex is the inventor of Dubstep, I don’t think you’re in a position to make any claim about Dubstep
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11:20 am
Ourboros, it’s clearly documented in previous Christwire articles. So you might want to broaden your reading material.
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1:03 pm
Oh it’s documented in other Christwire articles? Now it’s completely legit…
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1:42 am
The thing that upsets me about SKillrex is that it’s a horrible trend for real music. It throws out the trumpet players, the violists, the guitarists and the people who can actually sing. In this Skillrex scene, all you need is a laptop and a Youtube account. They just make weird noise. Not much else. Who even dances to this stuff? I find it nerve wracking and it gives me an unbelievable headache the few times I’ve tried to listen to it. I never would have heard about it in the first place were it not for Mr. Figs article.
Anyway, I don’t even know what a Tommy Life is but it sounds like another useless teen trend. Whatever happened to kids being nice and normal? They don’t even look healthy nowadays.
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1:50 am
Speaking of trumpets, whatever happened to Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass? Now that was real music! Remember Tijuana Taxi? Good times…
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1:52 am
Oh, look, it’s on YouTube! And such an attractive album cover!
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1:53 am
Ugh.. why do youtube links automatically embed the screen?
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10:00 am
@ exbrony – After Herb took that brick to his face on his motorcycle I don’t think he did much after that. Its to bad they had an awesome sound.
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10:16 am
Really? Huh. What happened? I didn’t see anything about that on wiki.
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7:44 pm
Keep looking it happened in the early 70s maybe. Some piece of crap threw a brick at him as he was riding his bike with passenger. The brick hit him in the face causing damage.
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10:12 am
it’s just a blogger from norway who’s joking with people. For all you americans who doesn’t understand norwegian i know it’s hard to understand and may seem serious. it’s all FAKE he’s just doing it for fun, and nothing is real. so don’t worry it’s not an evil trend or anything
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12:23 pm
As a Norwegian, you must be new here. The Christwire staff are experts at differentiating between satire and real life. If you’ve read our previous articles on Norway, I think you’ll slowly come to realize we know more about Norway than you do.
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9:11 am
Geez, you’re amazing kelvin <3
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11:43 am
Kelvin Fortescue… You, sir, are and idiot.
Intoxicated by the need of something to believe in you believe in anything that can give you a story to enlighten your own ideology in a good way, without really knowing what you’re talking about.
If you really do believe you, a Christian fanatic, can teach me how a country is and its people I give you the go to try. But be aware, I know you and your like-minded only have the ability and the will of seeing things one way, which is the way YOU want it to be.
You poor, poor people.
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4:32 am
Nothing can dethrone Skrillex. and he’s not dubstep
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11:21 am
Well you’re a little late. How Skrillex will respond to Tommy Life’s shot across the bow is anybody’s guess.
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3:09 pm
I completely agree with 4PR1CoT and you say Skrillex is being dethroned yet you felt the need to put his name in this article just for it to be read…
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4:47 am
had to look up tommylife. I stood five seconds of it I refuse to tolerate more.
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11:22 am
He’s pretty much a clone of Skrillex. They’ll both be forgotten within a few months.
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12:14 pm
I see absolutely no resemblance. hell, they are so far apart, they are completely different arch-genres of music.
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10:07 am
Brother Kelvin thanks so much for this story, I too have never heard of Tommy Life but after watching those videos I have all sorts of issues with this looser.
1. Nothing he said as anything to do with the Lord, making it pointless.
2. He’s far to brown to claim to be Norwegian.
3. He speaks gutter English.
4. He’s most obviously a fag.
5. The reason Norway has no butter is because all their Gay-lads bought it all up when they country ran out of KY lube. I say let em do without!
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11:17 am
Thank you for your kind words Billy Ray. It’s clear that with the debut of Tommy Life, dubstep is in disarray and is destined for the ash heap of history.
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7:46 pm
Always pleased to share my opinion.
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6:00 pm
“Thanks Rev.ray for your kind words?”
Did the definition of kind change in the past year? Or am I just slow?
My dear friend those words aren’t nice.
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6:09 pm
“Do not think that I came to bring peace on Earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be the members of his household. He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:34-39)
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12:22 pm
That toothless hag the demented homosexual is next to must be his mother or something.
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6:18 pm
I remember when he was the drummer for that Motley Cruel band Abe warned us about in the 90’s
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7:25 pm
I think you are thinking of Tommy Lee
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6:04 pm
Oh my gosh Jeb! How would you feel if someone was bad mouthing your mother. Saying your mother is a toothless hag and you were her “demented homosexual son” hmm? Honestly remember the saying “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”
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3:05 pm
So this website refuses me to put comments on here now? So much for letting opinions being heard, right?
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3:57 pm
Looks like you commented just fine.
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4:58 pm
Yes August but my first two attempts to comment didnt show up I posted that one after the first two failed
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5:05 pm
I understand. Your post is more likely to be auto approved if you do not enter a site url. Best of luck to you.
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1:18 pm
Like the first guy said…Skrillex wishes he invented dubstep. Dubsteps roots come from numerous different artists.
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2:07 am
It is a cheeky image, Claire, that’s for sure.
As to whether it’s misogynist, that’s debatable. Would you prefer it if the model was wearing a burkha?
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2:14 am
Claire has to earn her feminazi points for the night.
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2:59 am
OK, Claire, perhaps I was a little carried away by my male hormones.
You’re right. Women should never be depicted as desiring sex.
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3:03 am
And since you’re suddenly interested in what feminists agree on, they also agree that misogynist language is bad.
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4:01 am
Bring your misogynist language to a feminist meeting and they wouldn’t be pleased either.
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4:53 am
That’s rich coming from a mad catwoman who admits masturbating to homosexual pornography.
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1:27 pm
So Jeb can’t actually do anything but insult Claire. In fact, he can’t even come up with a legitimate point as to why someone is wrong. He acts exactly like Harley, and yet denies it. Tell me, Jeb, what does Claire’s sexual habits or pets of choice have to do with the topic on hand? Nothing? Thought so.
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