2012 Zombie Apocalypse Photos, IS Visual Zombie Priest Mattaeus Ball Behind It?
Shock and horror continues to fill the streets of Miami. Children have been pulled from summer school and men are fastening the shutters to their homes shut with 2 x 4s. Women can only hope that their families are not the next to be victimized in what we in the media are calling the 2012 Zombie Apocalypse.
The terrifying stories of men having their face eaten off in mid street and college women, their wombs being eaten right out all along the South Beach area are growing in number. Only two days ago, a homeless man had his face eaten off. And yesterday, MTV had a reality show where two women claimed their friends were ‘eaten out’ by a pack of wild-eyed college boys. Parents must take heed: lock up your college students this summer and don’t let them go to Florida: the zombie apocalypse is there.
High Zombiefarian Priest Matteus Ball (center) poses with his Unholy 12 Aphrodites of the Undead, in Veil of the White Horse, United Kingdom. Matteus has happened upon a new form of power that makes the witchcraft of JRK Tolkien’s Harry Potter and sparkly Twilight Black Veil Bride neckbiting teens look like a wide-eyed Easter Bunny. The new threat for 2012 is zombies and Matteus is proving to be the harbringer.
Matteus Ball has posed this zombie upon the grave of Frankenstein himself, look at the intricate stitching holding the flesh of the living over her undead bones. Zombies are everywhere and the seek to eat the flesh of your innocent family.
Reasearchers into this bizarre phenomena have found the ancient hippie drug LSD involved in turning the brain of a normal human into that of a flesh eating monster.
John Hopkins affiliate Charlies deBrag cites, “It is uncanny. In every suspected zombie in Florida right now, we’ve found traces of the drug LSD has — by some viral vector perhaps — infused itself right into the synapses of the brain. It is as if some virus is controlling every movement of the body.”
The reports of deBrag seem to fit the reports our Eurozone ChristWire teams are finding. When our international interns attempted to gain access to Matteus’ extravagant castle in the outskirts of Veil of the White Horse, they were instantly set upon by dogs who ‘did not bark or bite, but only stared and foamed at the mouth.’
Niles Cooper, Christwire intern at Oxford University, continued, “The dogs surrounded our car immediately. It wouldn’t start because it’s a banger, and we couldn’t get out to check under the bonnet. Then in the distance, 13 figures appeared. There was a thick fog and it was midday. They looked dead, the lot of them. Right out of a horror film. The banger finally started and we got away, I’m not going back. It was not right.”
Since Matteus Ball started his experiments in late 2010, things such as the Mexican Zombie Flu, the Greek riots and dead celebrities sightings have increased. While insiders claim the Matteus seems to only be a high priest of sorts, others wonder if this man is a brilliant scientist who is working with the government to create a new breed of undead. Or even scarier, a high priest of Satanic undead?
When we read every report, it seems these new Zombie Apocalypse have 5 degrees of seperation before his name is mentioned as an origin point. It seems we have found the man responsible for these things and again, we will be reaching out to him for an interview and this time, we will ensure our intern teams are better prepared and have security with them.
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- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Mike Watson
Intrepid, bold and dashing, Mike Watson's investigative reporting prowess is only outdone by his burning desire to restore conservative values and morality to America. With a unique penchant for purity, Mike Watson's TV, Radio and writing inspire millions to know the truth behind American culture. Also on Facebook
4:53 pm
There are no zombies.
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9:44 am
If there were on the other hand,……
i would own one as a pet
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5:01 pm
“MTV had a reality show where two women claimed their friends were ‘eaten out’ by a pack of wild-eyed college boys.”
Roflmao! I think they misinterpreted this wrong…
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5:08 pm
“… misinterpreted this wrong…”
I meant “interpreted” not “misinterpreted”
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12:29 am
What’s so funny about that? Two women being literally eaten out is wrong. Why do you find cannibalism funny?
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12:38 am
It’s funny because you obviously don’t understand what “eating out” actually means
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12:39 am
It means that they were cannabilized, just like that poor man in Florida.
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3:10 am
“eating out” has nothing to do with cannibals…
“eating out” is slang for performing oral sex on a women…
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1:36 pm
““eating out” is slang for performing oral sex on a women…”
Why would anyone do that?
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1:55 pm
August, not everyone beats their wife and treats them like shit like you do.
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5:06 pm
“Why would anyone do that?”
To pleasure a women
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5:11 pm
Oh God, you must be really stupid if you think thats what ‘eating out’ is Adam…
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5:11 pm
“Matteus has happened upon a new form of power that makes the witchcraft of JRK Tolkien’s Harry Potter and sparkly Twilight Black Veil Bride neckbiting teens look like a wide-eyed Easter Bunny.”
Wtf man? Wtf.
Okay for starters NEVER put Harry Potter and Twilight in the same category. And quit whining about BVB because all your hate goes to Andys dick.
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12:02 am
I must be a zombie because I love eating out college girls
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12:20 am
Everyone google Charlies deBrag because I can’t find him… so you’re citing a non-existant person for a fake article.
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4:54 am
Really People???? Really? Are you so blind to the fact that the end is neigh. This is Biblical Prophecy from Scripture unfolding as it happens before our very eyes.
Screw the Mexican worshiping Mayans and their crap clock, they don’t know squat bout dick! The Mayan people were a simple pygmy race of heathen cave-dwellers who prayed to their damned stone idols for Christ’s sake. The Mayan’s were to stupid to eat which is why many scientists of the modern day believe they died off.
Karen Carpenter was too stupid to eat and look what happened to her. Case Closed, so much for the mystery of what happened to the lost Mayan race.
God has forewarned all mankind to prepare for His 2nd coming, this is when our glorious Father shall cast all the earth’s demon-spawn into the Lake of Fire as the virtuous Christians of earth watch God get vengeance as it is written in Scripture.
Next the blessed moment of the Rapture will come when all God’s faithful flock shall rise into Heaven to be with our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ for all eternity.
It just doesn’t get better than that!
You best be getting right with the Lord soon by confessing your sins and wicked ways and let the blood of Jesus wash your sins away and know you are forgiven.
But the time to act is now, while there’s still time for the End Days are upon us all!
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11:58 am
Reverend, how much crack have you been smoking? And why aren’t you sharing?
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5:52 pm
hahahahahahhaahahahahahahaahhahaha
thanks for making my day dude
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10:40 pm
If I’m not mistaken, the Mayan’s were probably worshiping the same gods as the American Indians of the same era – and the gods that some African, Asian and South American nations still worship.
It has nothing to do with intelligence, but education. Back then they didn’t know there was no such thing as god like the educated people of today do. Remember, this was back when the world was flat, the newest innovation in technology was fire and polio was still a threat to world health. We’ve come a long way since the dark ages … well, most of us have. Obviosly, the owner of this site (and/or the writer of this article) is apparently still stuck in the 1400s … just like the Islamic nations of the middle east and the underdeveloped countries of Sub-Saharan Africa. LOL
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7:35 pm
The end days are upon you, hopefully. I wouldn’t care at all if you were gone, but you won’t be going anywhere soon.
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7:36 pm
Call yourself reverend? you are anathema.
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1:37 pm
We prefer Bing.
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12:34 pm
Bing’s alright. I myself prefer Google.
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7:33 pm
That’s nice. Bing does’t work well for me.
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