Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy. Bill Clinton. Tiger Woods. John Edwards. Michael Huffington. Rudy Giuliani. Michael Jordan. Magic Johnson. Newt Gingrich. Mike Collins. The list goes on and on my friends.
They say that behind a successfull man is his woman. I say behind the fall of a succeessful man is usually another woman.
Women are the greatest pleasure and greatest curse to man. Without women, just imagine who boring life would be? Every day would be like getting stuck in a fraternity sausage fest. We would get drunk and make crappy resolution videos that are sent to TruTv, where comedians attempt to make funny commentary on them. There would be no Tonya Harding or that one Jewish chick with a banging body and a butter face. Just dudes sitting around, drinking beers and wondering why life sucks.
We need women and let’s be frank: we need them for their bodies. And that’s the problem. Women are our sexual relief. That’s why God made them for Adam, with bodies that are made to keep us excited, keep us inspired and keep us sane enough that we don’t all earn Darwin awards.
But the problem is that women know the power they hold. And women love holding that power over us. Look at poor Adam. In the Garden of Eden, he was living fine and naming animals, sleeping in the grass under perfuly starry nights and having dinners of smoked ham, fresh fruit and a good beer served up to him by God himself. Life in the garden was good.
But one day, Adam started to get an urge in his loins and asked God how that could be fixed. God created Eve, Adam recognized Eve was hot and eventually she talked him into eating some fruit and boffing her. And that’s how it has been ever since.
Two years ago, I met my Eve. There was a woman who fixed her eyes on me at my gym. She would wear hot yoga pants and I have a weakness for those. She would always manage to bend over suggestively in front of me. I would ogle. That’s why my eyes are there to do, no harm no foul. My wife would think otherwise, but don’t forget women are jealous and don’t always appreciate what God has given us to use.
How many times has your wife said, “But I have a headache.” Lies! She’s just not appreciating what God gave us to use every time she uses that excuse.
At any rate, I eventually boffed yoga pants, confessed to my wife and she smeared my name. The in-laws still think I’m evil, the wedding counselor blames me and I go to promise keepers.
I share all this today because I feel sorry for John Edwards. Sure, he cheated on his wife. But is adultery really a crime worthy of 30 years? The man was under stress. He was a good looking millionaire with flowing brown hair, had political power and was en-route to becoming US president. If hot women in yoga pants are throwing themselves at me, I can only imagine John Edwards had his share of women to pick from.
With his wife likely unable to keep up with his libido, given her tragic illness, John Edwards still had his urges. He tried to quietly take care of them. Is that really so bad? Is that really enough to cause a man to have a fall?
Look at Tiger Woods. He can’t even make a simple PGA cut, because all the women in his life have shamed him and he cannot concentrate. We impeached Bill Clinton over smoking up his intern’s lush vanity spot with a cigar. When will it end?
It ends when we make a stand. We must tell our women if you don’t give us what we need, our eyes will wander. Women was made as the helpmeet for man, not vice versa. Until society gets back to that understanding, divorce rate will keep going up and there will be more fatherless households. Men need to be allowed to be men again, or society will continue to fall apart.