Tokyo, Japan – In efforts to weaken America’s Dream Team scheduled to dominate the Summer 2012 London Olympics basketball, Japan has once again used their scientific abilities for cheating and perversion.
Japanese scientists have created salty watermelon pepsi. It is said to harness ‘the full salt flavor of the perfectly crisped skin of properly seasoned chicken’ and the ‘juicy bite of a fresh watermelon’. Then, the flavors are all mixed together and put in drinkable form that’s packed with sugar and caffeine. The only thing they don’t have in there is malt liquor.
I see what’s going on here and you should too: the Japanese are trying to make the ultimate unhealthy drink that they know the majority of the NBA will not be able to resist. Do you really think LeBron James and Dwayne Wade could resist chugging back an ice-cold salty watermelon Pepsi if it’s just sitting in a cooler, glimmering and beckoning them to take a sip?
Sure, we could have Kevin Love, Steve Novak, David Lee, Chris Caveman, and Mike Dunleavy, Jr., try to represent America, but we all know where the true talent and intimidation of America’s Dream Team lays. Gone are our heroes Larry Bird and John Stockton, the impressive Detlef Schrempf and Big Bill Walton. If the Japanese are having this drink freely flowing to the US before the Summer Games, there is no way we’re getting Olympic gold.