• Is My Child Gay? : A Parent’s Guide to Identifying Early Homosexual Warning Signs.

    May 5, 2012 11:17 pm 269 comments
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    Mark E. Figs



    The miracle of child birth is often sullied by the slight possibility that the child in question, may be in fact, a gay homosexual. Whereas concerned parents used to have to wait until the teen years to discover whether or not their own flesh and blood was a giant, sinful disappointment, new developments in technology have made it possible to identify and combat this disgusting practice before it blooms into a lifetime of tragedy.

    Every child should be able to enjoy a pizza party with his or her peers without having manual sex performed on them underneath a table. But the gay homosexual influence has poisoned the Christian ranks of this country, and now children as young as FIVE have admitted to being gay homosexuals.

    But how do these children learn this wretched behavior? Being born Christian, there’s no evidence to suggest that they were born with homosexual tendencies embedded in their brain; such ballyhooed nonsense is the result of AIDS-stricken liberal scientists and “geneticists” (made-up word for “God hater”) who attempt to lube up the American public for their fisting ignorance.

    Television is another bridge to homosexuality for pure, Christian children. It was a short lived period of excitement and rejoicing when the sadistic “Gullah Gullah Island” was banned from the airwaves, due to it’s unsettling encouragement to young children to begin sexual relations with their household pets and colored illegals. But now, parents also have to be fearful of their children being encouraged to perform oral sex on their same-sex friends!

    But, how do parents identify the tell-tale warning signs of gayness? How can parents curb this behavior; how can they eliminate these unnatural urges before it rots their child’s brain? I’ve put together a list of known homosexual behavior. If your child exhibits any of these symptoms, I urge you form a prayer group and enroll them quickly in a Homosexual Rehabilitation summer camp.

    1. Desire to Participate in Sports (Girls Only)

    A surefire way to identify if your little girl will grow up to be a bowl-cut wearing “butch dyke” is if she has a profound desire to play sports. As everyone knows, sports are to be played by men; history has proven that not a SINGLE female plays in a major professional sports league. Men are designed by God to have strong, muscular frames and outstanding athletic ability. Woman were created with the frail skeletal frame of delicate tissue paper; there bodies are designed to carry and care for child. They lack the tendons and muscle fiber to compete at a high level like any normal man can.

    (A 6 year old girl after two “T-Ball” practices)

    If your daughter expresses an interest in playing t-ball or youth league soccer, sit her down and discuss the ramifications of such abominable behavior. Be sure to explain that playing sports can cripple her, mentally and physically and blur her idea of gender roles. She may tricked into thinking that her role isn’t to be subservient to her husband and Christ and instead to pursue sports championships and awards. In reality, playing sports does nothing but prepare her for wearing tacky camo shorts and visors at sports bars while she desperately attempts to perform a “muff dive” (homo slang for performing oral sex)

    2. Obsession for the Orient —

    The God-less continent of Asia is responsible for a multitude of trespasses against God, Their hyper-violent eccentric culture is a major homosexual influence on young, impressionable children. Their main export, ANIME, is a blend of savage paganism and homosexual peacocking. Each twisted series is full of  bloodshed, bizarre sexual practices and immoral characters. Worse yet, is that our Christian children are being exposed to it, due to America’s insistence on creating legions of lisping, sissy boys and mannish she-males.  Anime programs like “Naruto“,” Bleach“, “Adventure Time” and “Animorphs” are leading Satan’s armies and gay homosexual lust into the hearts of Jesus’ beloved children.

    3. Drawing Art/Writing Stories

    A majority of the worlds most famous artists began creating art at a very young age; unfortunately they also began being gay at a very young age as well. Gay Homosexuality runs rampant through artist’s circles. It’s not uncommon for many prominent artists to perform gay sex acts in between working on their art; this practice is known as a “rough draft.” There are some cases of heterosexual artistry, but for the most part, art seems to be consigned to the realm of homos. Pablo Picasso is the only straight artist who comes to mind, but he had his disgusting flaws (supporting Spanish communism).

    If a child begins to become consumed by sketching or writing stories, it is important to monitor such behaviors so one does not become a “bull dyke” or “bottom boy bear.” Encourage your child to participate in less gay activities, such as going on a deer hunt (boys) or re-organizing a kitchen pantry (girls).

    4. Listening to the “Black Veil Brides”


    (A portrait of masculinity? HA)

    The “BVB” as they are known, are consistently blurring the line between “straight“ and “Transgendered“. This “edgy” shock rock troupe has made headlines for refusing to perform at anything but gay homosexual sanctioned functions. They are set to headline this years GAY PRIDE PARADE in Chicago. The members of the group are all known cross-dressers who wear fishnets and their warped sexuality on their sleeve. 9 times out of 10 a member of the “BVB” is mistaken for a depressed teen girl.

    What happens if your child likes the “BVB”? Well if you allow your child access to the internet, chances are they’ve already seen nude photos of Andy Biersack’s penis. But even worse, your child could begin to wear pantyhose and eyeliner and strut around the home, like a gay homo chicken. Boys are most at danger, because they are encouraged by the BVB to wear crotchless panties and fancy trinkets.

    If you catch your child listening to BVB please contact a mental health hotline and lock them in their room. Quarantining your child from the sin is the only answer.

    5. Enthusiastic dancing

    A pre-cursor to the “Sissy Bounce” and a gateway to “Dubstepping”, most children will excitedly dance about throughout the course of their day. Getting food, receiving good news, given a toy — these exciting events usually cause a child to burst into dance. This normally wouldn’t be a problem, except for recent statistics released by “Focus on the Family” that illustrate that over 75% of strippers and gay porn stars began dancing as children.

    By placing an emphasis on gyrating their hips, children are taught to focus on the sexual aspects of life that are way beyond their time. This causes them to ignore the rules set forth by God and advance, sexually, at too rapid of an age — often times causing homosexuality to bloom in these misguided youngsters. If left unchecked, this obsessions will become a full-blown epidemic, complete with cross-dressing dance productions, similar to the savage and ungodly minstrel shows of days past.

    6. Inattentive Daydreaming

    A gateway to gay lustful fantasy. Necessary to call your family doctor right away. Prayer is the only answer.

    7. Inability to Read

    When the feeble child mind is full of too much information, then it can not focus on important matters, like being able to read or write. This creates a conundrum, because without the ability to read, a child cannot receive the bountiful blessings of the lord, contained within the Bible. Childhood illiteracy is often the result of homosexual thoughts, as the synapses and neurons operating can not process what information is truly important — if the homosexuality disappears then a child can write with relative ease. However, a mind full of impure thoughts will create a learning disability — many children with Downs Syndrome, Williams Syndrome and dyslexia are plagued by homosexual desires, thus their inability to live a normal life.

    8. Admiration for Obama

    Obama’s poisonous “charm” transcends age and sexuality. Allowing your child to identify with his slutty teen daughters is irresponsible. If you allow your child to wear Obama related clothing, you are a horrible parent unfit to raise a child.

    9. Watching Nickeldeon

    Nickeldeon has a “Murderer’s Row” of secular pornography. All of which is toxic and harmful to the developing Christian child’s mind. “Victorious” “iCarly” and “Big Time Rush” all promote same-sex marriage and lax moral principles. Allowing your children to watch these programs will create a sinful, proud, and brash child, ignorant of God’s ways. Boy children will fawn over other boys and girls will desire to sleep with secular bastions of sexuality.

    Please print out and keep this guide handy in your home. If you see your child exhibiting any of these troubling behaviors, do not feel afraid to begin an intense “Pray-Away:“ contact your local mental health professional and Godspeed.

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    About The Author
    Mark E. Figs Mark is an award-winning children's author, and Christian Conspiracy Theorist can be found on Facebook and Twitter -- (Mark E. Figs)

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