Justin Bieber’s Baby Daddy is Fifty Cent, Love Child Bizarre Genetic Experiment
Several months ago, we received reports from our sources that Justin Bieber was pregnant and that he was using body doubles to keep up public appearances. Though a man being pregnant is against natural order, it is not impossible with the power of modern devil science called ‘genetics’.
Using genetics, a man can have his lifesauce sloshed around the duodenum of another man and have a child grow in the intestinal womb, and then the sin child can fecalfist its way out which a gay dad likes anyway. Gay child births must be the most bizarre things to witness and it’s sad that men can poopsed out babies this day and age.
In the home photograph at left, we can see Justin Bieber posing and showing off his baby bump. Our first factual guess was that Usher was likely the baby daddy. It seemed very fitting this would be true, considering all the tension Usher has had over the last few months: he’s had problems with his wife Jada, he slapped a reporter at the premier for Men in Black III and his daughter from his real marriage has an infatuation with shaving her hair every other week.
But Usher apparently called up to Maury Povic and demanded a paternity test, because today the first photos of Justin Bieber’s child were leaked and it is pretty clear who is the ‘baby daddy’.
Before looking at the picture, it’s important to know a bit more about how gay pregnancy takes place.
First, the couple must decide who is going to carry the sin child. Our sources tell us the ‘power bottom’ usually designates himself to be the mommy and geneticists begin to prepare his intestinal ‘womb’.
There is a part of the intestines called the duodenum. Here, scientists take birth eggs from a woman’s incubator sac and implant them. While a woman usually has only one egg in her a month, scientists help gays by planting 50 or so. They even remove the outer shell to the egg, so that it can become more fertile and more likely to become pregnant with sin.
The gay couple is then free to have their nasty bed time and eventually, one of the eggs becomes pregnant when the homoliquid treks through the intestinal muck to its target in the duodenum. The problem scientists have not overcome is that as the homonculus travels from the thrusty top (the opposite of power bottom), it picks up all sorts of bacterial infections and gay disease from the bottom’s intestinal track.
These bacteria multiply quickly and force the resulting blastocyst that forms in the gay’s duodenum to age quickly and fast, like a bacteria. From all twenty or so homosexually born children in the world, it seems they age 2 years for every normal child’s 1 day. The love child between Justin Bieber (who we are assuming was the bottom) and Fifty Cent is about 10 days old in normal years, or 20 years old in gay borne years.
Below you can see the child passes the Maury Povic Baby Daddy test. He has the eyebrow, eyes and smile of fifty cent, yet the lesbian haircut that only Justin Bieber can grow. It’s uncanny how much he looks like his parents.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Dudson Wallace
If loving America is wrong, I don't want to be right. Let us restore our nation to its Godly heritage and Christian tradition as demanded in the Constitution.
10:36 am
What…the…fuck…did I just read…
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10:40 am
Shit my friend,… You just read a steaming pile of horse shit
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11:00 pm
alison your a dumb little kid.
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12:18 am
Holy fuck Christians are just ridiculous nowadays. Whoever posted this, your sources are a group of downsyndrom little girls. Are people really so oblivious that they will believe anything posted on the Internet by some random degenerate? And one more thing, religion is for people to stupid to inderstand even the MOST BASIC of sciences. People, it’s time to pick up a book and quit being so damn stupid.
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10:39 am
Modern day genetics. It’s so twisted and sick. This is all the proof we need right here of why we cannot allow gay marriage, it will just tempt us to play God and try to find ways to let improper couplings produce a child. It will backfire and create a superplague or virus that wipes us out.
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11:25 am
You’re clearly an idiot.
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1:12 pm
last time i checked two men can’t conceive a child.
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1:22 pm
Two man aren’t supposed to conceive, but genetic scientists have evolved that ability unto a mankind.
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1:30 pm
Clearly you’ll believe anything.
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2:14 pm
It a true story. Why do you hate truth?
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2:15 pm
You’re the one who hates the truth if you’ll believe anything and everything.
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2:17 pm
You just tried to say Thomas Beattie did not give birth to a child, when I showed you video proof.
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2:17 pm
Abe, L.N.’s hatred of the truth makes me sad.
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2:23 pm
When did Adam become Abe?
As for the video, there’s quite a few things wrong with the facts that you seem to think exist.
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4:10 pm
And @Abe, your whatever credibility you had when it came to “truth” evaporated when it came to that article on giant zebra-tiger hybrids running wild in Africa…
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5:43 pm
This man who was pregnant, was a woman before. And he did keep his ovaries. That’s why he was able to get pregnant. Case solved.
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9:59 pm
……..
there’s not much more to say than that.
If you believe what you read in this article please, PLEASE go get sterilized. I am worried that you might procreate. If this has already happened, I REALLLLLY hope the kid turns out to be gay. It would make me so happy.
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12:08 pm
That is just terrible photoshop. The top photo, the color of the face don’t match the color of the body. And it’s a known fact that Justin Bieber is a man. Very successful singer I might add, jealous?
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12:23 pm
I remember this one time Adam Nelson’s baby daddy was susan. Then he got pregnant and had 3 of satans spawn. (Insert photo shopped pictures here). Susan then went on to eat them.
As ridiculous as that sounds (although most likely true) the story above about Justin Beiber sounds 10x more dumb than mine. There’s nothing else to comment on. Stop being a super douche, and get a life rather than trashing other peoples.
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1:28 pm
isn’t that what you are doing? Instead of leading your own life you have come here to troll?
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1:47 pm
Difference is that your trashing peoples lives behind there back so they can’t defend themselves. Im trashing you guys to your face, not just because im man enough to do so, but because your a bunch of hypocritical morons, who couldn’t last in any debate for more than 5 seconds because you have less that fingertip of knowledge floating around in that thing you call a brain. Your also a bunch of racist homophobes, which makes my morals and reasoning just for such a thing.
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12:56 pm
I keep telling myself “They can’t get more idiotic.”
And the terrible people at Christwire always surprise me by being ahead of the crowd in their monumental throws of stupidity.
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1:09 pm
Liberal homogays hope that someday this kind of pregnancy will be the norm. They must be stopped at any cost. ANY COST!!!
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1:11 pm
We already know that you favor murdering innocent people for your sick pleasure, we don’t need to have your way of life being forced onto other people.
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3:43 pm
Okay, no they don’t. You have no proof they want this. Yes, some homosexuals want children, but when asked if they want to carry a child, you can be certain their answer will be the same as every other male: no.
And secondly, is it really so impossible to refer to them as “gays” or “homosexual”?
And thirdly, in case it wasn’t obvious, Justin Bieber is NOT pregnant. That fact is not up for debate.
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9:18 pm
“Yes, some homosexuals want children…”
Possibly the most chilling sentence fragment ever written. The time to stop these freaks of nature is RIGHT NOW. I think we should simply dump them behind an electric fence so that they’ll eventually all die off. We’ll feed them, of course. After all, WWJD?
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6:26 am
Technically they won’t die off. Gay people are born into the world everyday, meaning this new area will have a constant inflow of new population.
And there is no reason gay people shouldn’t be allowed to adopt.
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11:50 pm
What would Jesus do? He’s probably let gay people get married if he decided to do that sort of thing. And, really, you’re going for the concentration camp approach? At the risk of Godwinning myself, why do you people look up to Hitler when it comes to the torment of homosexuals?
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5:45 pm
“homogays”
Learn proper terminology.
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1:25 pm
His soul can still be saved. I will pray for this sinchild.
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1:34 pm
Abe He doesnt even have a child fucktard.
He is dating Selena gomez.
Gtet your fucking facts straight you ugly hillbilly.
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1:49 pm
Abe your teeth can be fixed. I will pray for you
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2:15 pm
Look at that boy and try to tell me he don’t like like Fifty Cents and Justin Bieber. It’s no secret that these Hollywood people chat around so Selana should just get out while the getting is still good.
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3:39 pm
Have you really never heard of photostop? Christwire uses it all the time or takes photos from the internet.
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10:32 pm
Do you guys not realize this is meant to look fake? This is a satirical website. None of this is supposed to be taken as real, or fact. so SHUT UP
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4:23 pm
He hasn’t done a damned thing wrong! Apart from making terrible music.
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9:21 pm
Correct David, the hellspawn has done nothing wrong and never asked for this. I agree with Abe, prayer is the only hope for it’s salvation! PRAISE!
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3:47 pm
Also, may I just point out, Usher and Will Smith are two completely different people. The fact you’re too lazy and/or stupid to find out who’s who shows how fake this article is, apart from the clearly photoshopped picture of what Justin looked like over a year ago.
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3:59 pm
Liberal lies.
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4:01 pm
No, simple fact. Usher and Will Smith being different people is a lie?
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11:51 pm
No, he’s too racist to tell black people apart.
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10:34 pm
ITS SUPPOSED TO BE FAKE! THIS IS A SATIRICAL WEBSITE! Jeez
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3:53 pm
“Before looking at the picture, it’s important to know a bit more about how gay pregnancy takes place.”
Well it’s very simple: it doesn’t take place. A man cannot get pregnant, and scientists haven’t developed the ability to do so.
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10:11 pm
Brother Wallace that was indeed a frightening tale of true sodomite horror. I recall the late Brother Bane did a story with some early history of the American Eugenics program which preceded our modern day genetics research. In that program the many US states sterilized the mentally ill, retards and others who function at a lower level than regular people. Here is the link if you care to check it out.
My Our Brother Johnathan Bane Rest in Peace.
http://christwire.org/2012/03/labcorp-to-led-us-governments-eugenics-research-program/
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12:25 am
Well if this story is a fake and men can’t have babies these days then please explian Thomas Beatie to us all you foolish heathens! Step up LN with your usual hate retoric, and Claire you shouldn’t be left out either, by all means open your diaria hole below your noise and let your hate spew… Just do it while you watch this video of a very pregnunt Thomas Beatie. Some times its best to keep your mouth closed in an effort to look more mature and intelligent. So explain this…
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12:46 am
One word: Transgender
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6:29 am
That was a woman who was impregnated before the operation to change her gender took place.
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11:49 am
Notice that Claire is not flapping her beak here. She has no lies to hide behind with this video proof, but I’d still expect her to deny it like she denies the proof of separator flaps despite it being on every woman’s body.
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11:55 am
All that video is proof of is that a woman got pregnant during her transition from female to male.
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11:40 am
OK well that is unnatural and so is what science is doing today with planting a woman’s egg into the intestinal womb of men. God never intended for mankind to live this way. It is all about man wanting to act as God does that has resulted in this perversion of God and nature.
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11:53 am
Nobody is planting a woman’s egg into the intestinal womb of men. That is a lie made up by these idiots. Though I agree that being transgendered isn’t exactly natural, I’m not against it. But what happened with that person is a single event that was never meant to happen. It was a woman who was impregnated before the final sex-change operation. She had a womb to carry the child and it was a natural pregnancy.
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5:50 pm
hahahahahhahahaha
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10:25 am
Come on! Seriously? What the hell? As much as i hate JB, you guys are really dipshits thinking a lame photoshop like that is real.
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9:14 pm
This Link is UNSAFE and needs to be moderated!
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10:12 pm
It’s virused!
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10:17 pm
You were calling it smart and shit not too long ago, moron.
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10:18 pm
What a true Christian: If you can’t find fault with something, lie about it and pretend it’s bad if you don’t like it.
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12:07 pm
We wrote about it in the Christwire Handbook, which you can now find in the National Library of Congress. I personally spoke to the chair of Allied Health at Liberty University and we had a long discussion about separator flaps and why the AMA stopped using the term, though it is valid and is being reconsidered for official anatomy. In the interim, the structure does exist on all women as it always has existed.
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12:29 pm
So where, pray, is a woman’s “separator flap” located?
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